


Stranger Men [Story 2]

by ToyaFF



Series: Stranger Men Stories [2]
Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Angst and Humor, Continuation, Early Work, Gen, Illustrations, M/M, POV First Person, Unreliable Narrator, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-20
Updated: 2019-11-21
Packaged: 2020-09-07 01:28:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 69,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20301190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToyaFF/pseuds/ToyaFF
Summary: We are all human, Bushman. Even in this profession.





	1. Smile

**Author's Note:**

> Please read [Story 1] before continuing.  
https://archiveofourown.org/works/18804187
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> 10/3/19  
Images should be working properly now.

* * *

To think it had been a year since I last saw the boy. And now here he was, standing next to me, wiping his face away with his clothes after sobbing his eyes out for almost half an hour.

I did not enjoy seeing another man cry, but this was the exception. These were tears of joy, not one of pain or sadness. Scout was so happy to see me, and I was the same. It was not a surprise that he had trouble knowing it was me at first. I looked just the same as any other Sniper after all. The accent was all I had going for, less he would probably be swearing and beating me to the pulp right about now.

To be honest, if it was not for those broken looking shades, I would have never known the better. But it was him, the strange Scout who always made me laugh over his tomfoolery. Even now, I still cannot believe he wore those glasses into battle, one can barely even see through them. He had to do well either way, because the ranks I was placed in were far higher than before. I could only imagine the struggles he had to go through to get up here.

Casually speaking in my normal voice, I exclaim over, “I ordered this not too long ago. Nostalgic reasons.” The boy had just commented on the watch on my wrist as I showed it over to him. It was similar to the Spies’ usual weapon attire. But it was a mock, a fake, a simple watch to tell you the time. Swiftly, I take another object from my pants pocket and show it over to him. “Though, these have been reassigned to being a letter opener and a simple wristwatch now.” I show over my butterfly knife, circling it around my fingers before retracting it back in my pocket again.

While telling him this, Scout was mindlessly checking over my room. He has probably never gotten the chance to become a leader on the team before, less witness the commander’s room in full.

Stopping near my working desk, he sits himself on top of it, making the papers whistle and varies belongings creak and bounce. Still mindlessly looking around, he then asks, “Haven’t seen or even smelled any nicotine.”

I continue talking in my Australian voice again and reply, “Naw, I’ve haven’t smoked in almost a year now.” On my left arm, I fold up some of the fabric and show him one of those nicotine patches one of the Medics’ prescribed to me long ago. “It’s been rough, but I ain’t coughin’ anymore.” It was true. It has been some time since I last had a cigarette. A part of me wanted to quit the habit to be honest; I just lacked the reason to. Then Scout came around and told me how awful the thing and I smelled. I prefer not to smell awful, even as a filthy urine throwing bushman.

“Hey, good for you! Even I’m still havin’ trouble quittin’ some of my addicts.” He replies, smiling and giving a thumb up in approval. Scout seemed eager to change the subject as he excitedly said, “Oh, you wouldn’t believe who I ran into after gettin’ reassigned.”

With a shrug back, I ask, “Who?”

Next followed was an hour long story of the kid telling me how that BLU Spy from long ago ended up on his team. With what he was telling me, it sounded like they quickly became good acquaintances– though he would not admit it.

“Yah know what Frenchie did? He back-capped during overtime! The REDs were too focused on all of us charging in at the last second, they couldn’t even make it there if they ran.” Scout finished, grinning all widely and clapping his hands together. With how long the story went on, I ended up sitting on the desk with Scout.

“Naw way he did that.” I just give a look a doubt, unsure if he was coaxing his stories with more lies again.

“He did! He hid in a tiny corner and got away with everything! It was freakin’ awesome!” Scout continued his laughter. “I guess that Spy was not that bad of a dude. Still a dirty asshole though.” He mumbles a little in the end, seeming all embarrassed to praise over a Spy of all things.

I was happy to hear that my fellow assassin told me he was going to keep quiet of my secret. Whatever the man’s reason, it does not matter. At least I did not have to deal with administrations anymore. To Scout, he had perfectly understandable reasons to be disgusted by the man. But me, I knew better. My emotions got the better of me; still loathing over my actions long ago.

I did not hate that man, because he was only doing what he was taught to do.

What every Spy is trained to do.

As fun as the chitchatting was, I still had to do my job and show the boy around the base. Jumping off the desk, I thumb over at the door.

“Yah haven’t gotten a good look at the base, have yah? Follow me, I’ll show yah to everyone.”

The two of us had just left the eating area, smirks and grins and hands on our faces. The welcoming was surprisingly warm, everyone eager to greet and mess with the boy one way or another. Harmless fun made by serious murderous men.

“I didn’t think Engineer’s hand could pop off like that.” He comments over the event, swiftly grabbing his wrist before sliding it over his hand and making a popping noise.

“Thing was movin’ like a spider over Heavy’s back.” I reply, laughing some more before putting myself straight. As we settled down, I take a look over my watch, realizing how late it had gotten. Scout had arrived around five and now it was thirty minutes till eight. The boy has yet to unpack his things as well, I believe.

“Gotten late. You probably don’t have any of your things packed either, right?” He shakes his head, hands in his pockets now.

“Not really. I mean, there isn’t much to unpack or anythin’.” With how quiet Scout was acting, he seemed like he wished to stick around with me a little longer.

There was a pause as we stood next to each other, waiting for the other to say something. My eyes glance over to Scout, and I could see that longing in Scout’s eyes from the night we kissed.

He wished for comfort.

While not obliged to do so, I did wish for the same.

“Scout, did ya wanna join me in my room tonight?”

Scout swiftly threw his hands up in fists and yelled over, “Hell yeah I do!” Again, he forgot his indoor voice as he quickly placed his hands over his mouth. With a nod, he quietly repeats, “Yeah, I do.”

We made it back to my room as the boy kicked off his shoes before running towards my bed, happily bouncing on it as he stretched his body all over.

Feeling all relaxed, he sighs, “Man, these sheets are comfy!”

“I got spoiled and I can’t sleep without a fluffy top anymore.” That RED Spy still finds ways to irritate me, even when I have not seen him for quite some time.

I reach the bed as I come closer to Scout, hovering over him. He shied away for a moment, before looking back at me again. His hand moved up, touching the back of my neck, pulling closer to my face. But before he could press his lips anywhere on my face, I swiftly smacked my hand over his mouth as he started to humorously make loud kissing noises into it.

Finally realizing he was kissing my hand, he backs away and shouts, “What the heck?!”

“Nuh uh, we’re goin’ to play by my rules.” He seemed unsure what I meant. Perhaps he had forgotten, or he was pretending to forget. “I told yah before, didn’t I? I was gettin’ my turn.” There was a sudden realization on the kid’s face as he slumped down again, grabbing a pillow close by and laying his head on top of it.

“You know, it’s gettin’ late! And I’m feelin’ really sleepy right–” I interrupt as I quickly pull out the small pocket knife, flinging it open and swapping it down his shirt. The clothes slowly fell from both sides, exposing his bare chest at me. “–Now…”

“I’ll order yah a new shirt later.” I tell him, retracting the knife back into my pocket.

“Hey, uh, me fuckin’ you the first time? Totally sucked, total virgin play back then! Perhaps if I get another try, ya know, havin’ a little more experience now, I’ll do it better?” I knew his attempts were going to be bad, but I did not think they would be laughable. Unless he outright told me no, I was going to have my way this time around.

I moved my head closer, letting my warm air hit his neck before laying some soft kisses down on it. Scout softly wheezed, taking in the kisses before shrugging his shoulders off me. The annoyed look on his face told me enough as his cheeks puffed. Childish tantrums were not going to sway me over. It was time to play a little dirty.

“Ah, right, what voice did ya like hearin’ again?” Again, I went in and attacked his neck. “Oh, was it this one you most preferred? Would you like some Français mixed in as well, mon amour?” I stopped talking in the fake Australian accent as I whistled my words with a twist of my normal voice and some French. His pouting did not last as he bit his lips together, trying to prevent a moan from escaping him.

“Je-Jesus Christ.” He huffed out, already shaking in excitement. Having to deal with only your hand for so long can do that to a man. Who knows, maybe he even experimented on some things after we parted. All these thoughts are making me giddy, but I should not hurry the boy if he did not feel ready yet.

I returned the Australian voice again and ask, “Sorry, am I bein’ forceful?” Scout looked away for a moment before looking back at me.

“Whateve’, just…” I raise an eyebrow.

“Just?”

“Just… Talk how you normally talk.” The answer was quite unexpected. Again, I would only stop if Scout said no, but he had yet to really complain.

I came out from the washroom, finally finished with the quick shower I wished to have before we were lost in our desires. Scout did not join me sadly, probably embarrassed to have me so close underneath the small showerhead. It amused me, considering he is more than comfortable to have sex with me naked, lights on, bareback and all.

I see Scout sitting on the bed, half-dressed with just his underwear, dog tags and even those broken looking shades. It was quite cute seeing him still wear those silly glasses, so I said nothing of it. He looked a little uneasy, like he magically returned to being a shy virgin once more. It had been quite a long time since we did this, but I thought he would look more comfortable. I guess, in a way, he was still a virgin. A butt virgin one would say.

The man takes a good look at my body before blushing hot red. The uneasiness had passed him and now he was more than eager to get things going.

I throw the towel on the bed as I crawl closer, finding myself just inches apart from him. Before I continued doing anything else, I take the time to look over his healthy slim body. Nothing changed as I saw neither new scars nor the so-called hairs he told me he grew. It looked like he wanted to say something, perhaps wanting to retract the body hair statement from before. But he held silent, only expressing that bright shade of red still on his face.

My head moved closer in as I laid my lips on his. It was a small welcoming kiss, nothing to fancy or harsh, just a reminder before things started to get heavy. Scout looked disappointed, seeing that the kiss had ended before it even began. I waited to see if he would say something or even try another kiss of his own. He was playing hard to get as he just pouts to his side. I end up chuckling, truly missing that stubborn, if cute attitude he has. I turn his head back to me and reward his stubbornness with another kiss. A little longer, but short enough that made one beg for more. A soft wheeze blows through his nose as our lips sat there, taking the time to taste the other. The boy must have drank some of that BONK! recently because I could smell it through his breath.

We parted again, looking at the other. Scout might have not known it himself but his eyes were just begging at me, pleading me for more. Even though I was really eager, I was still worried about him. I did not want my own lustful needs to get the better of me.

“Scout, are you OK with this? I will be more than happy to let you have your way with me instead.” The boy held silent.

Then he growled loudly and shouted, “Damn it, of course its fine! There, I said it!” I was not trying to tease him, because I was honestly concerned if he felt comfortable with me taking the lead. “Jerk…” He mutters afterward, all cutely. Adorable, absolutely adorable.

I smile over, giving him a kiss on the cheek. I then placed a kiss on his neck before giving it a quick nick. It blemished fast as it left a reddish mark behind his pale skin. Further I went down, nipping at his shoulder bones before covering his chest with my many kisses. Soft moans wheezed from Scout as I played with his body, making him twitch about from the damp warmth I pressed upon him. My hands trailed up his body, from his stomach to his upper chest. I did a soft thumb brush to his nipple, only making him jerk back a bit. Compared to me, Scout was not as sensitive there like I was. It was quite fun to play with the soft flesh though, poking and rubbing and watching it grow hard before my eyes. “Hey, uhm…” He suddenly mutters over as I stopped everything and look over to him.

“Did you wish for me to stop?”

“No, no, like, I dunno. I kinda want you to suck my dick, but I also kinda want to suck yours.” He wanted to request we do something, but the word escaped him. Most likely though, he had no idea what the word even was.

“Ah, you wish to do a sixty-nine?”

“Er, yeah, I think.” The boy agreed, even though it was obvious he had no idea what that meant.

Taking the rest of our clothes off– minus his broken shades– I told Scout to kneel the opposite way over me as I laid myself on the bed. There, he kneeled, his dick above my head while my dick was below his. Scout cleared his throat, still looking unsure if this was the right thing he even asked for. “So, uhm, should I go?” With how shy he was acting, I had to wonder if are first experience together even happened. Maybe he was acting all cute for my benefit. How sweet of him.

I just give a nod over as he nods a reply back.

Scout pressed his soft fingers around my dick, gripping ever so lightly to it. He started pumping his hand, slowly, moving down the bottom length before bringing it back to the tip again. While he did struggle, he tried his best not to do any harm to me. He was still fairly new to this, and frankly I was glad he was so clueless pleasuring a dick other than his own. It was, if shameless of me to think, very adorable.

As much as I wanted to do the same for him, he had his ass awfully closer than I wish for it to be and it was slightly uncomforting. Though, it gave me a devilish idea, which I hope the boy would not mind me doing. Moving my head up, I pressed my tongue against his anus.

“Whoa, hey–! Ah–!” He yelps, taking a look back at my dirty deed. “That’s cheatin’ ya… dirty bastard…!” Even complaining, he did not kick me or try to move away. I test the waters and decided to insert my tongue inside him, feeling the wet textures of his anal canal. He shivered, having to stop himself for a moment to get use to the slimily object inside him.

Gaining his composure again, Scout decided that hands were not enough and started to simultaneously suck and jerk me. It was more humorous than hot, because the boy tended to hit himself in the face from all his irregular movements. I heard a soft swear in the mix of his moans as he then decided sucking was good enough and continued stimulating me that way instead.

While I licked him, I held onto his dick, motioning my hands like I was milking him. Scout had trouble even breathing as the streams of heavy wheezes heaved through his nose.

“Mh–!” He shook in place, his moans muffling through my dick as he had trouble even sucking me properly now.

Soon, I felt his dick harden in my hands. I stop licking him and put my full attention on his member, eagerly stroking it in a quick pace, putting quite a bit a weight in my shoulder as I did so. Slight specs of his semen push through him, landing near my mouth as I lick away the droplets. He looked ready to come, but the boy was holding back, perhaps wishing for this to last longer.

With a pant, I ask, “Scout, do you wish to come?” Scout only gave me a glance back, trying to ignore me as he stood in place, my dick still in his mouth and pressing through his cheek, not even doing anything with it. This man never stops making me smile over the silliest little things. Ah, but this time I will have to be serious with him if we wish to continue forward. Scout truly has no idea what he has gotten himself into. It will only be just a tease, enough to make him rile up and beg for release.

I stopped my hand as I pressed my thumb lightly on his urethra, stopping anymore of his semen from escaping. His attention was on me now as he spits my dick out, still panting and huffing, wishing for me to continue again. But I held still, not even moving my fingers to sting a nerve. I stare back, smiling ever so devilishly as I waited for his next reply or even move.

Finally, with another wheeze, he pleads, “Ye… Yeah. Make me cum…” My hips bucked up a little hearing him say that, making me lose my cool for just a moment. The boy knew how to equally tease back, intentional or not.

I give a chuckle over before continuing my hand movements once more. Again, I stroke in fast movements, moving all the way to the end before moving back up again, giving a quick squeeze to the head with my thumb and index finger for some extra tease. Scout’s body twitched about as he huffed out constant streams of moans. His dick pulsed ever so quickly now, edging ever so closer to his climax. “Aah–! Ca-Can’t– Snipes–!”

With one last cry, the boy came, his essence spilling into my hands. The semen leaked from my fingers, dripping on my face as I licked away the droplets closest to my mouth. Scout did small thrusts into my hands before finally settling down, finally spent as he gasped out for air.

Taking a moment to catch his breath again, Scout went back to work on my own dick and started sucking, quite quickly as well. Loud skin smacked against his lips as he lightly gagged and coughed, trying just a bit too hard to get me off. My body tensed up none the less as I find myself getting closer to my limit.

“Mh–! Scout, I’m close…” I groaned out, warning the man that I was about to come. The boy did not let off, still continuing his rapid sucking. He better prepare to swallow, because I cannot control myself once I let go.

With a hiss through my teeth, I came inside his mouth, gagging the halfwit with my semen as it shot down his throat. Scout gargled, the semen dripping down his lips and bubbling on the sides of his mouth. More seemed to be leaking out as my groin was covered in a hot sticky mess of spit and sperm. As I finally calmed down, Scout pulled his head up with a series of gasps and coughs.

“Freakin’ gross dude!” He spat out on the bed. Even when semen stopped spewing from his mouth, he continued to spit out his slimy mixture of mucus and spit. I did not know what the boy thought was going to happen, and I went out of my way to warn him. The taste was going to linger for quite some time, and I wished for him not to dirty my good sheets any further.

“Stop that now! If you need to clean your mouth, use the washroom.” He blenched a few times more before finally swallowing hard on my dick again. With an annoyed groan, Scout immediately began sucking me off once more. “Nh–! Scout, calm down.” I winced, still feeling the soreness from coming already.

“yuv whent softh agath!” He muffles his shouting through my dick as he continued sucking loudly. Scout sure had the energy, and it was literally killing me right now. I grunted out as I watch the boy try ever so desperately to get me hard again. If he just waited longer, I could try, but this was far too soon for me. With a huff and a pant he finally and thankfully stops, taking the moment to breathe.

Slowly, he looked back at me and pleaded, “Haah… Snipes, get me hard again…” His energy was wearing thin on him as he struggled to speak without panting in-between. Though, I could not say no to his request, even with how exhausted he looked.

Again, I wrapped my fingers around his member and started doing the same motions from before. He squeaks out, taking a moment to take in the itching pleasure before sucking me again.

Instead of using my tongue to pleasure his hole, I used my fingers instead. I started slowly, tapping against his anus before pushing inside. The boy’s lower half twitches up as he feels my rough finger push through. I jerked it slightly forward and back, letting it rub against his smooth inner walls. The tightness of my finger soon loosened as I risked pushing another one in. “Aah–!” Scout heaved out some air as he pulled his head back, laying it next to my already erect cock. It was a surprise to me, because I had yet to notice myself get hard again. The sounds and the way Scout moved must have set me off unknowingly.

I fingered him as I searched for that one spot to set him off and make his body shiver in pure ecstasy. However, he had already gotten hard again as his dick straighten and twitched in my hand. I did not want to accidently get him off just yet so I finally take my fingers out from his anus and my hand off his dick.

Scout falls to his side the moment I do this, exhausted from all the kneeling. He was all curled up in a ball, his behind exposed so openly at me. I lay on my side and lied behind him, hugging an arm around his chest and bringing him closer. My dick rubbed against his butt, teasing the man to be let in. Scout fidgets, probably realizing that the moment had finally come. Again, he showed hesitation, but did not say anything over to me.

“Shall I?” Scout hid his face away, only signaling over a nod as a way to tell me he was ready. He may have never acted like one, but he was a man, a younger man, but still a man. I had no say in his choices, and if he wish for me to do this, then so be it.

Letting my hand trail down his side to his bottom, I moved away a butt cheek and straightened my dick.

The insertion was rough as I slowly pushed myself through him. A harsh groan heaves out from Scout as he dug his face deeper into the sheets. The boy probably thought it would go smoothly for him as it did for me. Unlike him, I was use to this, trained even. I was half way inside before I stopped to bring my hand to his face, softly brushing it against his cheek. “You have to relax.” The boy had tightened quite a bit, and I was afraid to do any major harm on him unless his body relaxed. He was hiding his face from me still as I did another brush against his cheek, wishing for him to turn his head and look over to me. He finally does, exposing his wearily, red-colored face. His mouth was clenched together and he had trouble keeping his eyes open. The insertion most definitely hurt him in some way, whether he even wanted to admit it over or not.

Seeing him like this made me upset with myself. Simple finger and tongue play only did so much, and I could have spent some of my time finding some proper lotion for him. But it had been so long since I had comfort like this, and I got far more eager than I realized. How terrible of me.

“I’m not freakin’ cryin’…” Scout muttered over, like he had just read my mind. I suppose he was somewhat right in his guess, I was worried for his wellbeing after all. His stubborn attitude helps distress me, if only a little.

His breathing settles down and even the tightness below felt a little more open. It will return again once I move, but I believe that the boy’s body will get used to it just the same. All I needed to do was not rush, take it slow, and find the right spot that will send him on edge.

So, I began, slowly pushing myself a little more inside. While the tightness did come back, it was only from the brief movements I condemned on his body. Scout grunts below, chewing on his lower lip to keep himself quiet. As I finally pushed all the way through, I slowly pulled out again. My thrusting began in slow motions, jerking the boy up whenever I pushed myself inside him. The hurtful groaning he was making from before slowly dissipated into low whines and moans. That was a good sign as all I needed to do now was find the right spot. Then, I would be more than willing to go faster.

“Ah!” A high pitched squeaky cry escapes Scout as I finally hit against that spot. His prostate. I make sure to remember where it was as I hit against the spot again, making the boy squeak out another cry.

“There?” Scout did not know what to say, most likely unsure why that spot felt so good. I chuckle at his cluelessness and swiftly get to work.

As I paced my thrusting faster, I made sure to hit that pleasurable spot to bring him closer to his edge. It was working, because the tightness became almost nonexistent now as the boy’s body had finally accepted my intrusion inside. Scout did a mixture of heavy moans and squeaks as he trembled and jerked awkwardly, his body still unaccustomed to such dirty pleasures.

“Wa-Wait…” He suddenly pants, raising a hand over to me. I instantly stopped where I was, worried that something was wrong.

“Nn… Are you feeling ill?” Scout panted some more before showing me a weary smile on his face.

“I… I want to look at you…” It sounded so innocent, and so pure of life. He was begging me close, wishing to watch the pleasures he was giving me. As troublesome as it was to try to find that spot again, I could not deny his request.

I slowly pulled out from him as I get on my knees and sit myself in front of him. He turns over on his back, spreading his arms upward on the bed. His legs were still closed together, most likely a reaction in his body telling him to hold himself down there. The legs posed no problem as I moved closer, grabbing them and resting them over my shoulder. Scout’s lower half was brought up, his bottom once again exposed for me.

Again I inserted myself inside him, making his stomach hunch forward as I pushed all the way, my small strands of pubic hairs hitting against his buttock. I began thrusting once more, keeping a steady pace from before. The boy harshly grunted at first, having to take a moment to get use to me again before softly wheezing out.

That spot was easy to find again as he did another squeak, the same as before. I went to work, hitting and rubbing against that sensual part of his body that made him flare up.

“Aah–!” He moaned, his mouth slightly hanging open, still staring right at me with his half-lidded eyes.

Even though I was so focused on him, I had yet to realize how excited I was myself in all this. My loud panting, the warmth filling my body, my shaking arms tightly squeezed around his legs. This boy was truly giving me pleasures I have yearned to have again. But I only wanted these pleasures from him– Scout. No one else.

“Snipes… please look at me…” The boy pleads over. I do not know if Scout could tell the sadness I held on my face or that I lost my focus on him and he wished for my attention back. Either way, I am happy to hear him call for me.

My pacing quickens, truly feeling the opening Scout’s body gave of me as I let myself lose control a bit. Scout squeezed his eyes for a moment, one opening up to keep eye-contact on me. I held ever so firmly on his legs as I bounced the boy on the bed, making the springs scream out our lustful deed. 

The sounds of lust were always the most erotic parts for me personally. All the embarrassing cries, the wet skin slapping against skin, the slight sound of fabric brushing below, it was all so wonderful for my ears. And Scout made the most wonderful noises of all.

As shameful and as experience as I was, I wish to come again, even though the boy had yet himself.

“Merde…” I swore, clinching my teeth together. I doubt Scout wished to have such liquids inside him, so I hurried myself out, doing a few strokes on my throbbing member before finally coming onto the back of his legs. Swallowing hard, I gasped heavily as I continued pleasuring myself before finally going soft again.

Scout then whimpers, “Snipes…” and I give him my attention again. Scout was begging his hands out for me, his hair in a sweaty mess, the glasses crooked to the side of his face, his chest beating ever so heavily. The man was still on the edge of coming, and he wished for me to continue. And I will.

I went in again, pushing myself inside him once more. There, I continued my fast paced thrusting. Even being soft, the boy moaned regardless, digging the knuckles into the sheets below as he flicked his head back. His dick was spilling out specs of semen again, readying to burst any moment now. But yet again, he held back. I try and help the boy out and take a hold of his harden cock, stroking it with my thrusting.

“Mnh… Scout, please do not hold back,” I plead, wishing for the man to be fulfilled with his own desires. My aching in my dick was getting to me as I clenched my teeth, trying best to ignore the itching pain and focus on only Scout.

“Aahh–!” Urking his chest forward, Scout finally came, my hand still moving in the motions as he was coming. The boy’s semen spurted down my fingers and onto his stomach and chest. Gasps of moans spilled out before calming in harsh whines and hiccups. When he finally settled down, he glances down at his chest for only a moment before looking back at me. He gave me the dopiest smile over, filled with pure happiness and joy.

I pulled out as I laid myself next to him, tired. He turned, wrapping his arms around my neck as he continued his heavy breathing into my chest. Scout snuggled closer, hiding his face under me.

We stayed there, taking in the warmth of the other. My hand sits on his head, my fingers brushing through his hair, playing with the small strands. The boy did not react to me doing this as I looked down to check on him. Scout had fallen asleep right there, snoring ever so quietly below. I chuckle, moving my head closer and planting a kiss in his hair.

I did not want to disturb him as I did the same and closed my eyes, falling into deep slumbering bliss.


	2. Regret

I found myself awaking in the middle of the night. Scout was still there, holding himself ever so close to me. He was still sleeping away, lightly breathing and drooling right on my good sheets. These sheets needed to be changed anyway, because it was drenched with semen and other unpleasant liquids that threw from the boy’s mouth. With Scout asleep however, I would have to change them tomorrow. How unpleasant, but there was not much I could do about it.

Realizing I needed to relieve myself, I slowly moved off the boy as I placed his arms down on the bed. A blanket was just below his feet as I picked it up and laid it on top of his shoulder before heading over to the washroom.

With a flush of the toilet I head over to the sink, turning on the warm water and letting it run. Grabbing the dirty soap piece, I rinse my hands thoroughly with it through the water. My fingers had entered a most dirty place after all, and I wish not to wake up sick to my gut because of simple bad hygiene.

As I did this, I looked in the mirror, frightening myself for only a moment before realizing the person reflecting back was me.

Me.

The Sniper.

Even now, I still end up scaring myself from time to time. My wet finger touches a cheek, pinching some of the skin. It hurt, and even left a reddish mark in its wake. It was truly amazing how well the Doctor was able to reform my face so perfectly. It was like a permanent disguise, no mask required.

Even when I finished washing and the sink was turned off, my eyes were still glued on that mirror.

My image was judging me.

How stupid.

I escape the bathroom and walk over towards my bed. Scout slept so peacefully on it, it was probably the quietest the boy has ever been. I brush my hand over his hair, making the strands pull back.

When I first reunited with the boy, he said that word.

Love.

He told me that he loved me in the mist of his yelling and tears. Even if that love was directed to those shades, I knew full well he was using it as a coax to tell me his true feelings. And the way he said it all, it sounded like he truly meant it. But it all felt so wrong. I do care for Scout, but saying such a word back is… impossible.

If only for a little while longer, I will stay close to him, give him attention, coddle and fill whatever desires he wished from me. Then, we will part, who knows for how long. We may see each other again as teammates, perhaps even enemies. Or we may never see the other again. Time will only tell how long this could go on. I wish to make the most of it, for him at least.

All my touching finally wakes Scout as he mumbles out, squinting over to me, readjusting the glasses he still wore on his face.

I apologize, “Pardon, I did not mean to wake you.”

With a sniffle to his nose, he mutters, “What time is it?”

“The middle of the night.” The boy groans, planting his face in his pillow again.

He muffles through the sheets and complains, “Fuck man, why’d ya wake me?”

“I do apologize.” He brings his head up again, poking a finger into my stomach.

“Whateve’, just come on back to bed.” I smile, waving his hand away as I prick the glasses off his face, sitting them down next to the cabinet that stood next to my bed. They were already a broken mess, no need for them to break any further.

I circle around the bed, crawling on top as I moved closer to Scout. Moving under the blanket, I laid on my side next to him. The boy scoots closer, kissing me on the lips suddenly. It only lasted for a moment before he hid beneath me again. He quietly whispers, “I love you, Spy,” before closing his eyes and falling back to sleep.

Spy. I am no Spy anymore.

How strange, moments ago he was calling me Sniper or Snipes, but now does he refer to me as the Spy. Perhaps the boy was far too tired to properly think and just said the first thing his brain told him to say. I was still using my old voice to talk with him after all, so that most likely helped in the muddling. It was just a minor mistake and yet it really got to me.

It was far too late to be arguing with him about this, and I was just as tired as he was. I closed my eyes as well, heading back to sleep.

There, I dreamt away, dreaming of the past that I had abandoned not so long ago. And the life of a man I had taken for my own.


	3. Spy

It started like any other match.

I was stationed in upward; a giant mining area that circled around a giant mountain, surrounded by a huge landmass of sea and islands. I was on the defending end– the RED team.

Right now, I was quietly standing on a rocky ledge, watching the BLU Engineer set up a dispenser near the first point balcony. Carefully I aimed my gun; the Ambassador.

Steady…

Steady…

With a click to the trigger, the man fell dead, a bullet piercing through his hardhat and skull. Casually replacing him with himself, I disguised and walked over to his nest, swiftly disabling the machines as they sparked and whine into tiny bits of mechanical parts. Thus, the tiny little nest he had begun to make was gone.

It was no means a simple job, it was just that the BLU Engineer was making it far too easy for me. The rest of the BLUs were no better as they have yet to make progress pass the second point. They struggled far too much pushing the payload into the mines and up the hill.

Personally, I wish they would give up or win already so I can switch to another team. My team was fine, but seeing the same people day after day quite unnerves me. I wish to be around strangers, not acquaintances that I can recall on face alone. How annoying.

Before I could motion my watch over, a bullet strikes my shoulder suddenly, making me flinch back in pain. I held my hand there as the blood soaked not only through my suit but as well on my glove. I throw my mask off with my other hand and look for the culprit. There, I saw him. The BLU Bushman. He was standing on the rocky balcony, further away, already in the motions of reloading his gun.

“Don’t think usin’ a knife is goin’ to fix yer things, ‘pardner’.” He mocks the Texan’s speech as he takes aim at me again, shooting before I could even remark back. Swiftly, I dodged back into the building, turning my cloak on and running out as he inserts another bullet into his rifle. He takes a blind unscoped shot at me before I disappeared further inside the tunnel, invisible to his sight. The only evidence of my presence now was the fresh blood marked on the ground where he last shot. “Where yah goin’, Spook?! I haven’t seen yah bleed enough yet!” He charges forward, stopping at the first point and circling around a few times before clicking his tongue. “Bleedin’ coward! That suit of yours is goin’ to get drenched in more than just yer blood, yah hear me?!” The man hurries further up the hill with the rest of his team.

With a sigh, I uncloak, relieved to see him gone. That man is quite ruthless compared to the other mercenaries. The man did not even care for witty remarks back, which made our encounters more stressful. If the BLUs had more time, he would look high and low for me, just so he had the pleasure in killing me slowly. And that man is quite… inhumane in his ways. I am thinking too much about him, I need to patch this wound.

Running further in the mine, I take the small Medipack sitting close by, letting my body rejuvenate from the contents. While I did hurt still, taking the larger one further away seemed unneeded. A Medic or Soldier may need it more.

“I am charged!” Ah, speaking of the Doctor.

What I hear next was the cries of the BLUs falling one by one by the Medic pair– Our Heavy and him. Instead of the usual stock, it was the Kritzkrieg. Total bloodbath. At least the match is in our favor now. I take a quick look at my watch, realizing there was only one minute left until ceasefire rolled around.

I need a cigarette.

It will be quick, as the BLUs were either still dying or respawning back at the first point. Once I am done, I will get back to stabbing any passersby’s who dared hurried their way back towards the cart. With a thumb to the flicker, I light the bud in my mouth and inhale heavily. There, I laid my back against the wooden walling and relaxed.

My relaxation ended sooner than I hoped as the sound for ceasefire rang earlier than I thought it was going to. My watch must be a few seconds slow. With a grumble, I flick my cigarette away, crushing it out before heading my way back towards base.

But before taking even a step, I heard a hissing wail from above. I look up as I see that BLU bushman. The man was holding his chest, bleeding heavily and swearing profusely in his native language. It seemed he had just barely escaped the skirmish as his body was riddled with bullet holes. He had yet to notice my presence as he slowly heads down the stairs and towards the medium sized Medipack on the ledge. Before he could even make it half-way down the steps, he falls forward and crashes down on the wooden planks below. He desperately pulled out his arm to grab for the medical pack, but his efforts were null. It was too far, and he had no energy to stand, less move anymore. He finally stops moving as his head and hand slump on the ground.

I casually walked over to where he laid. Hunching down slightly, I examined his body. While he did look dead, he still twitched slightly, and softly breathed through his nose. How unfortunate that he did not die like the rest of his comrades. Now he will have to wait, and probably suffer harshly if the respawn even attempted to revive him.

That would be the end of this little story.

…If he had died before I found him.

If it was a different time, I would finish him off and send him back to base. However, the ceasefire had just begun and the respawns had been shut down. It was a risky move on my part, but I do not like to see a man suffer in death. Even for a deranged killer such as him.

Even in a situation like this, I hurry off my already dirtied suit, so it did not drench itself in his blood. I then hurry over to the Medipack and then back over to the BLU. The man was bleeding everywhere as I found myself hesitating to touch him, in fear that more blood would spill from his body. Still, I needed to get those wounds patched. I gently grabbed onto his shoulder and pulled him to his back. Even looking at just his clothes, the holes were everywhere, deeply screwed into the man’s chest and stomach.

Medipacks were a simple tool to use, just pick one up and you were good to go. But that was only during battle, and the battle had already finished. These things had to be used by hand now, and I had little experience in the medical profession. I open the box. The box contained an assortment of bandages, medicines and antibiotics, and even alcohol, drinkable and non-drinkable. Again, my experience was lacking, only knowing the fair basics.

With the amount of holes he had, my hands alone would not be enough to put proper pressure on his body. Something so brutal would straight up kill a man, but we were trained to survive even a rocket explosion at close range. The most I could do is to stop all this bleeding.

Carefully, I open the man’s jacket before pulling up his shirt. I then pull out the clean bandages, unrolling out the entire package in my hand. It was far too small to be enough, but it had to do. I gently circled the bandages around his body, lifting him ever slightly whenever I needed to loop around him again. The blood just soaked through, giving the bandages a darkish tint of red. The more I put on, the reddish of the bandages slowly became a light pink.

Even though that was done, I could still see the harsh pains that his face unconsciously made, so I went and opened up the small bottle of antibiotics. When I went to pick up the bottle, I noticed another smaller bottle filled with water next to it. Perfect, this will help the swallowing.

The man was still unconscious, unable to properly swallow the capsule down, less open his mouth. I doubt this BLU would let me do this, but I did not care. He was in pain and he needed help. I threw the small pill in my mouth and then swallowed some of the water, careful not to swallow down on the contents. I then moved closer in as I laid my mouth on his. I parted his lips back, opening his mouth some more. His sharp teeth were no trouble as they were spread apart enough for the pill to pass through. I spewed the contents down, but not so much it would drown him. Slowly, the remainder of the water escaped from me as I back my head away, flicking a thumb across my lips.

The man starts to cough, probably surprised by the sudden liquid running down his throat. His eyes open, looking over to me. His emotions went by in a flash; dazed, surprised, worry, than anger. His next action startles me as he was able to swiftly grab his melee from his waist, thrusting it forward. However, it dropped in his hand before it even reached my face as he gargled out a mixture of water, spit and blood.

“Ge–! Fuck!” The BLU swore, his body falling back on the ground. The man tried to sit up again, making the bandages that I worked so hard to place seep into a deep red, dripping speckles of blood through the fabric. This man was just going out of his way to cause harm on himself. I grabbed him by the shoulders, pushing him back down again. He fought back, slamming his hand against my face, trying to push me off.

“Stop this nonsense! You will die if you continue moving like this!” I did not mean to yell, but my patience was running low. I pushed him back on the ground as he calms back down. Though, that was probably because of the lack of energy and less about listening to me. He coughs again, softly wheezing out some air as he just tiredly gawked up at me.

The man’s time was running short, and he needed a Medic right away.

I stand up again as I hurry back deeper into the mine, looking around in hopes that there were any BLUs still dawdling about. Luckily, there was as I saw some stragglers from the mine’s entrance limping tiredly back to base. There were only two of them, an Engineer and a Pyro. They will do, at most they can carry the BLU bushman back towards their base. They had their backs at me, and I needed to gain their attention.

Swiftly, I pull out my gun and aimed, taking my shot as it hits against the wooden planking of the mine, causing the wood to break apart. The two hear my shot as they quickly turned around to find me.

“Did you forget about me?” I taunted, swinging my gun over at them, looking ready to shoot again.

“Spah!” The Engineer pulled out a shotgun and pointed it forward. The Pyro pulled out his flamethrower as well, thrusting it in front of him, eagerly ready to pull the trigger. “Don’t want no trouble now, son.” The man warned over, not looking all too happy to start a fight during ceasefire. Thankfully, he will not have to deal with such meaningless violence.

“You may want to follow, unless you wish to be down one less merc.” I grinned widely as I presented my watch at them. They seem to take my words seriously as they started charging forward. I cloaked away, but not before I showed them the direction I was running towards. They followed after, though what they found truly surprised them as they stop with a loud gasp and muffle.

“Aw hell, stretch, yer in bad shape!” The Engineer hurries over, examining carefully at the dying man.

“Shit–!” The BLU coughed out some more blood, throwing up on the fixing man’s clothes. Engineer paid no mind to the mess as he tried to think over the best option to move the bushman.

The Pyro stepped onto the edge, carefully looking around the area for me. Pyros’ were always quite frightening to face, especially ones standing just mere inches away. One wrong move and this man may accidentally blow me off the edge or set me aflame.

“Pyro, forget about that Spah, I need help carryin’ Sniper!” Engineer was struggling to lift the BLU bushman, his knees giving away on him every time he attempted to hold the man up. Pyro puts his gun away before coming over. He waved a hand over to Engineer, telling him to stop as he easily picked up the BLU himself, carrying the long man in his arms. The two hurry out, leaving a trail of dirt and blood behind.

Finally, I uncloak near the edge, sighing in relief. It was risky to stay so close by, but there was something I had forgotten to grab as I ran.

My suit.

I had forgotten to grab my suit in my haste. Worse, it got trampled by the BLU pair as they rushed the man out of the mine. Not only that, it ended up covered in even more blood and dirt. Swearing to myself, I folded the suit in my hands and started heading back towards the base.

At least I always carried spares on hand.


	4. Rifle

The next day began.

BLU was able to push past the first point quite easily this time around. It seemed like they knew how to handle our Engineer’s sentry as they timed a good sticky plus Uber push together. Needless to say, a lot of us were taken out, with very few trudging back to base unscathed.

As the skirmish died down, everyone prepared themselves at the second point. Stickies’ and buildings were placed, and the Medic overhealed everyone to their fullest. My job was further inside, so I hurried passed the work and banter, hiding away in the shadows so I was not spotted by an enemy BLU running by.

There was a path leading into the tunnel near the edge, so I ran down there, trying not to fall to my death as I did. Waiting outside the tunnel, I watched as the BLUs pushed the cart deeper through the mine. When they get pass their second respawn, I turn my cloak and run pass them, running deeper into their territory to find my target. Their Engineer.

I saw the BLU Engineer setting up a teleporter near some giant rocks at the edge. He was most passive in his placements, always making sure they were out of the line of sight from the enemy. However, I knew all the places he likes to hide them in. Sneakily, I walked behind him and ever so gently pushed a hand against his back. With a yelp, the man falls forward to his death below. Not my usual way in killing a mercenary, but it was a fun one.

Taking out his teleport, I then hurry over to a building where he had placed a level one Dispenser and Sentry, disposing them with ease. It was lucky I was able to do this without gaining the attention of another BLU. Though, when I heard the announcement of extra time added on, I had a good idea where most of them were.

The BLUs had finally passed the cart over the second point. They are making progress for once, but I doubt they will get any further than that today. How annoying, but at least it was beneficial being so deep in. I did not have to make the journey through the hectic battlefield, or unfortunately bump into a Pyro turning around the corner. With a couple more backstabs and sappings, the match should end in a ceasefire. Then, I can relax with a cigarette and cup of coffee in hand. Bon dieu, do I need a cigarette.

However, when I was about to head over to the new respawn point for the BLUs, I see a figure in the distance near the first respawn. Probably an unfortunate soul who respawned back at base before the point was taken. Well, the long walk was going to end short for them.

I moved closer, circling around the giant building as I hid behind one of the pile of rocks sitting on the small incline. It was then that I saw him. The BLU Bushman. The man must have the worst kind of luck. At least he was still well enough to continue fighting.

But the man did not head over to the second respawn. Instead, he walked over to the right, circling the building overlooking the far ledge. The BLU was standing, pardon, sitting right against the building now as he looked out towards the horizon. Had the man grown bored of all the fighting, just wanting to relax and take in the view. Preposterous, I have faced the man plenty of times and he has always shown a twisted joy in killing others. Perhaps he saw me and wanted to lower my defenses by pretending to be friendly. How cute. Sadly, this is a battlefield, not a playground.

Noticing my watch starting to run low, I quickly ran back and picked up the giant ammo crate nearby. It was clear that invisibility was unneeded, but having some spare power could be useful for a swift retreat to safety. I decided on my next course of action as I sneak between the gap that the payload ran through before leaning against the building.

Taking out my knife, I threw it into my sleeve pocket. I wanted to humor the man’s attempt of a truce, so instead of just running in and stabbing him in the back, I walked. He had yet to notice me as I quickly placed my hands behind my back, letting the knife slide down into my palm. Using my other hand, I coughed into it, trying to gain the man’s attention.

“Have you given up? Perhaps you are pretending to be friendly?” He finally notices me as he turns his head over, but the look he gave was not of shock or surprise. It almost seemed happy in a way, which hinted that he was expecting my visit.

He speaks, “Wonderin’ if yer were gonna show up.”

“Are you too tired to walk? I may be able to help.” I offered over to the man, but he seemed less than eager to comply with my request.

“Spook, for once, I ain’t wantin’ to fight with yah.” He was sounding most unusual. I loosen my hold on my weapon for a moment before squeezing it tightly again.

“Is that so? Have you truly given up then?” He shakes his head.

“Naw, it ain’t nothin’ like that.” His tone was calm, if submissive in a way. Again, it was a most unusual sight.

“Should I continue to ask why or should I just get this over with and gut you already?” I was growing annoyed with this new passive attitude the man was pretending to mock. All I just wanted to do was kill him and get back to my work. There is nothing important I needed to say to him, because this man is my enemy.

“Thanks.” It was a simple word, but a word that really threw my focus off. The knife almost slipped from my hand as I hurry to grab it, throwing it deeper into my sleeve again. “For savin’ my life. Doc told how much of a mess I was, and how terrible I did my own patchin’ job.” He does a small chuckle near the end.

“Well, thankfully you survived. Dominating you is most fun.” I held my cool demeanor, still aggroing the man on, wanting him to attack me already.

“Why’d ya help me?” He asked, his voice a little lower than before. Again, I was taken aback as I said nothing over to him. My reason was simple; I did not want to see him suffer. But the man is my enemy, and showing such sympathy was unwise, a slip of weakness he could use against me. I should just stop this nonsense and stab him right now, make him believe whatever he wishes my answer would be. And yet my knife was still tightly gripped in my hand and not against the man’s backside.

Seeing the longevity of my pause, I unconsciously gave him my answer, “I do not let a bleeding man to die. My kills are to be swift and to the point.” He said nothing back, taking a moment to understand my words. He looks outward, staring into the open ocean.

“I would’ve let yah bleed.” His words were harsh. “If yer were bleedin’ out the same, I would’ve just let it happen. I’d make it nice and slow as well. Even shoot a few more bullets in yah, just to see yah squirm,” he continues, the harshness of his tone going softer as he went on.

“I presume that is not the case anymore?” He huffs out another laugh as he shakes his head over to me.

“I'll be honest, I ain't sure anymore.” The reply was quite bleak, if a little sad. It was like the man just told me a dark embarrassing truth just now. How silly that the secret was something as morbid as letting a man suffer before he died.

The BLU raised his head in the air, just staring up into the bright sky. The man seemed lost, perhaps confused. Mercy rarely showed on the battlefield, if at all. A kill was always beneficial for you and your team. There was no reason to let an enemy go unless it endangered your own wellbeing. I hated seeing this. I cannot see someone look so pathetic right in front of me.

I thought over what to say next as I quickly came up with an answer.

“We are all human, Bushman. Even in this profession,” I lied. The lie seemed to affect the man as he stared at me, looking more vigorous, healthier and happier looking. This was a man who was ready to get back into the fray and fight again. Now that was it! That was the spirit I liked seeing in a man. Sadly, killing him now will just ruin him again. I will have to do it amidst battle. “I grow bored of this. If you wish to fight, do it with the rest of your team.” I swing out my knife, showing it to him before snapping it closed again. Then I turn my back on him, taking my leave.

“Hey!” I hear him stand up before taking a few steps forward. I look back, expecting a gun to be pointed at me but nothing of the sort happened. The man was just smiling.

“Appreciate takin’ the time to talk with me.” He then turns his head from me, trying to hide his face away with his hat. With the way he was acting, it looked as if he was embarrassed right now. “If… If yer not busy, I’ll be around here again later tonight, during ceasefire of course.”

I believe the man was offering an invitation to chat.

“Interesting. We will see.” With a quick press of my watch, I vanish from his sights.

I was most curious why a BLU would offer something so casually to his enemy. Maybe the man was bored, or perhaps he was just as curious as I was and wanted to see my next action. It could obviously be a trap, and it probably is. But his words were not a lie, he sounded quite grateful for what I did.

Snipers’ tended to be brash, overconfident, and smelly. Quite disgustingly smelly that I had to wonder if any of them knew the concept of a bath. The man was no different as he acted quite the same as the rest, perhaps even worse than most other Snipers’. Except for today. It was mellower, more sincere, more calming. Such pacifism will only harm his team in the end.

Night soon appeared as I slipped out from my room, unnoticed by anyone as I hurried myself outside. While dark, small lights were hanged around the area to help brighten the pathways of the bases. The darkest place was underground, but I had no need in going there. My destination was back at the BLUs base.

As he told me, he was there, sitting down, smoking away on a cigarette. He had his weapons on him, while suspicious, not all too surprising. This was a battlefield after all and anyone could be creeping around the corner, readying to dig their knife into ones backside. But I would never do such a thing with ceasefire in place. I am a gentleman and a gentleman follows the rules.

I appear from the darkness as I walk under one of the many lights stripped across the wall.

“Was about to give up on yah.” The BLU tells me, blowing out some smoke from his cigarette.

“I wish you did. This is quite a dangerous risk on my part.” I eyed around the area, looking out for any misplaced shadows or objects hidden about.

“Just me, I promise yah.”

“Promises should be held.” I listened in closely as I waited for his reply back. If he lied, or was lying, I would be able to tell by now.

“I mean it,” he reassures me, giving me a small toothy smile over. He seems to be telling the truth, but even a master of deceit can be wrong sometimes.

“You brought your rifle?” I pointed at the gun that was strapped behind his back.

“Never know what’ll happen out here.”

“I was thinking the same thing,” I snorted, finding it humorist he thought the same as me.

Cautiously, I walk closer as he pats the ground next to him. I take to his request and sit down, arm’s length away in space.

“Smoke?” He offers an open pack over to me. I shook my head as I grabbed a small pack from my shoulder pocket.

“I have my own.”

“Lighter?” He then shows his lighter at me, flicking it on. This time, I had to take his offer because it seems I had misplaced my lighter back at base.

With a smile, I thank over, “My appreciation.” Unknowingly, I moved closer to him, lighting my bud in my mouth, taking in a deep breath before blowing out small puffs of smoke. Instead of being an arm’s length away now, it was more shoulder length. It did not matter, the man showed no hostility to me since I got here, so I had no reason to be so cautious around him.

I expected a chat, but we were too focused on our cigarettes to speak a word to the other. The quietness was nice though. I never had the time to take in the cool starry night. We were quite high up, and the open ledge in front of us gave such a beautiful view of the quarter moon.

As the silence went on, questions began to form inside me. The man was obviously not going to tell me any secrets that would harm his team or himself, so I threw those aside for another day. Though, I was interested in asking what little he could tell me of his profession. I actually quite adored the Snipers’ way of fighting. One shot, one kill. It was simple, relaxing, something that, I will admit, was jealous not to have.

“Your kind fascinates me.” I foolishly let my mouth run, letting my curiosity get the better of me.

With another puff from his cigarette, he responds, “That right?”

“It seems so peaceful.” The BLU snorts a laugh.

“Naw, have to deal with yer kind all the time. Plus those hoppin’ ankle biters.” I assume these ankle biters were the Scouts’. If I was not the one to keep the man busy, it was my fellow Boston acquaintance that did.

“Being in constant danger all the time can be quite stressful.” I slipped out a less then desirable line over. This conversation was getting far too personal for my liking, and I wish to stop it here.

The BLU replied, “I’ll give you spooks some credit, yer some tough fellows. Us Snipers’, it’s just aimin’ and shootin’. But yah guys have to do a million things at once.” This was easy enough to exploit.

“Such flattery will give me the wrong idea,” I teased. The man scuffs, hearing the implications from my sentence.

“Ah, forget I said anythin’ then.” Giving him a smirk and a chuckle, we went silent again.

What he said before lingered on me. While I was only half-listening, I could tell that the man was giving me praise in a way. While unnecessary, it felt nice.

Letting my cigarette hang low in my mouth, I looked over to the rifle on his backside.

Again, I let my mouth run, “May I see your rifle?” The man looked as if I just asked something dirty. It was not surprising, it was probably not the first time he heard a Spy tell him this tasteless joke. “And I do indeed mean your rifle.” While hesitant at first, he unsheathes his gun from his backside and held it over to me. I dig my bud in the ground before grabbing the weapon. The weapon was truly heavier than I expected as I had trouble keeping a hold of it. Whenever I disguised, there was an illusion of a weapon in my hand. I could hold no rocket launcher, less a mini-gun and it seemed to be the same with this rifle.

“*Damn it*! This weapon is far too heavy.” I ended up swearing in French as I tried to stand up with it, keeping my posture straight and steady as I did.

“Yer holdin’ it all wrong.” The BLU just smirks, watching my fumbling.

“Teach me how to hold this!” I ordered over, feeling really frustrated now with how much trouble I was having. He shrugs his shoulders as he digs his bud into the ground before standing up next to me, readjusting my hands about.

“Yah don’t need both of yer hands so close together. It’s a rifle, not a pistol.” He places one hand at the end of the trigger while wrapping my hand’s fingers around the handle. “Keep yer head in the upright position right about here and hold steadily on the trigger.” He does a slight nudge to my chin with his finger before moving the gun on my shoulder. “There, like that.”

Being touched, less close to another man was quite discomforting. There was an alarm blaring through my brain, telling me to take my knife out and just stab him before he harmed me in some way. I held calm though, because there was no need for that at this moment. This man meant no harm. “Say, why not some target practice? Try to swing around and aim for that broken light over there.” He points over to a light that was dim, flickering on and off in intervals.

“Easy enough.” While I tried to sound all superior, my voice ended up rasping out in air. The gun felt heavier on my body now carrying it like this.

The BLU than ran off suddenly as he hid next to the building, poking his head out ever so slightly for me to see him.

“Good luck!” He gives a thumb up.

“Are you mocking me, monsieur?!” I honestly believe this man thought I was going to accidently shoot him. Perhaps I should arrange such an accident.

“Keep the gun steady, it’s slippin’ in yer hands!” The man was right as I held firm, making sure I did not lose the placements he gave me. Slowly, I turned and shakenly aimed for the light.

Keep steady–

Keep steady–

Keep–

_BANG!_

I clumsily fell back on the ground as the gun ricocheted hard in my hands. The gun dropped next to me, clattering against the hard sandy gravel. The shot was an utter failure as a poof of smoke steamed from the ground. The man could have warned me how hard the kick back was. I look back, snarling at him as I watch him hold his hand over his mouth.

“It is far too dark, I cannot see!” I make up an excuse as I hurried myself up, brushing the dirt off my clothes. “And why would you let me shoot a gun in the middle of the night?! Do you want your teammates to find you out here?!” The BLU sounded like he was having trouble breathing as he started heaving out heavily. However, the more I listened, the less it sounded like breathing and more like… laughter. Sniper was laughing, laughing shamelessly at me. “Monsieur, cease your laughter at once!” I grew all red in the face, angry, but also a little embarrassed.

The BLU continued on, going into a hysterical fit in front of me as he had trouble even standing. The more I watched the more my mouth twitched about. Soon, I smiled and even started to laugh with him. How stupid for me to lose my cool. The man knew it himself, that was why he was laughing after all.

“Yer a strange fellow, ya know that?” The BLU finally ceases his laughter as he walks closer to me, rubbing away a tear from his eye. He says I am strange, but I find him to be even stranger.

“You know how well my sniping skills are anyway.” With a smirk, I take out my gun and pose it upward, next to my face. It was, of course, the Ambassador I cherished using so much.

With a whistle, he replies, “Fancy work, right that is.” His eyes examined the work, memorized to see it in such a close view. “What’cha call it again?”

“Ambassador.”

“Yeah, yeah. Bleedin’ hate that gun.” His words sounded hurtful, but there was some humor in them as well. “Not much different from our rifles, ain’t it? Minus the size.” Imbécile, you are far too easy to exploit.

“Sounds like you are compensating.” The BLU clicks his tongue.

“Should have seen that one comin’.” The man got a little red now, all embarrassed that he let that sentence slip by so easily.

Putting my gun away, my eyes take a glance over to my watch. Looking at it closely, I surprisingly notice that time had passed more quickly than I would believe. I was hoping to do some reconnaissance before heading back and I was already two minutes late on my schedule.

“Pardon me, but it is getting late.” The man’s smile vanished, showing a more sorrowful expression instead. It was a subtle change, but I could tell he wanted me to stay a little longer.

With a slight readjustment to his hat, he says, “Already? Now where’d the time go?”

“It was fun.” I smiled back, which helped perk him up again.

“Right it was.”

“Another time, perhaps?” The words left me before I realize I had even said them. It was like a natural response after having a pleasant outing. And, I will admit, I did have some fun with the man. Possibly more fun than I thought I would.

With another chuckle, he replies, “If yer askin’, how could I say no?”


	5. Nightmare

I hid myself in the shadows, watching the BLUs usual on and off routines. Today, some of the BLUs had set up a table to play cards, drink and chat about the day’s battle. While I did overhear minor battle strategies, most of the chatting was simple banter to pass the time. It lasted past midnight until they grew tired and slowly left for their rooms one by one.

A few minutes after midnight, I will occasionally see a merc sneak into the kitchen to grab a treat from the fridge. Sometimes it was a Scout grabbing a snack and drink, or a Demoman grabbing several beers, or even a Pyro taking out a giant plate of leftovers back in his room. Other times it was a Heavy grabbing a sandvich he left for tomorrow or even a very hungry Soldier who cursed at himself for wanting another slice a pie before bed.

There was not much information to learn during this time, but it was fun guessing who would show up at the fridge tonight. The most right now was Scout with sixty-one visits, the least being Engineer with seven.

Speaking of that man, he should be appearing for his morning coffee right about now.

Around one, their Engineer would tiredly walk the halls, looking for a coffee machine to fill his cup. The man sleeping habits were just as bad as mine because he did this almost every night. He was quiet about it, silently pouring the liquid into his cup before heading back towards his room. I was hoping to get some info off him, but neither mutter nor groan escaped his lips. Whatever he was doing, he held it in his mind.

Two rolled around as I found myself drifting off. While I was tired, I had yet to see my rival Spy come back home yet. But just as I finished that thought, the BLU Spy uncloaked near the entrance, finished with his own reconnaissance for the day. This was a minor truce most Spys’ held with each other. Unless someone finds them out, they are to not interfere with the others work during ceasefire. Sure, ears may here an unwanted secret or two from the other, but that would be the fault of the unfortunate Spy.

As he tiredly trudged back inside, I looked at my watch to see the time. Ten minutes till three; the man came late today. He may have found some good info if he stayed that long. With another tired yawn, I decided to head back for the day as I cloak myself, following the trail of lights leading me back home.

It finally turned three as I reached my room.

I preferred a bath before bed, so my next destination was my washroom. First, my watch was to go as I pulled it off, letting it lay on the counter sink. Then I unbuttoned my suit up and hung it on the door before continuing with my vest and shirt. Next went my pants, then my underwear.

My head then turns over to my mirror, getting a good look at the balaclava covering my face. Coming closer to the sink, I went and pull against the thin line around my neck, carefully pulling the mask off. The masked stretched off me as my reflection shows itself.

Me.

The Spy.

This was one of the few times I got a chance to look over my face. My hair had slicked down, greasy and sweaty from the day’s work. My face also flushed a hint of red, marking the lines where my mask had laid moments ago. The dark marks around my eyes showed signs of tiredness, which I struggled with every day. There was too much work to be done, and very little time to waste. And wasting what little time I had just staring at the mirror did me no good. The water is steaming now after all.

It was thirty minutes till four when I exited the shower, clothed in a casual top and jeans. While off the battlefield, suits were the last thing I wished to wear, especially in my own bed.

I doubt I will get much sleep today, but some was better than none. With a yawn, I sit myself down before lying on my back, pulling the sheets to my shoulder and drifting off into slumber.

Sadly, this slumber was not going to be a peaceful one.

…

…

_In the darkness I could feel hands touch all over my body. They were the hands of men whose faces that had blurred and blacken over the years._

_They caressed every part of me and I caressed every part of them. _

_Rubbing._

_Touching._

_Inserting._

_Filling._

_My body squirmed, but not of fear, but in delight. Their touch burned me, hurt me, but yet I still smiled in utter joy._

_They spoke, but only gibberish of static pour from their mouths. But I knew what they asked of me, what they wished of me. They wanted to feel me, hear me beg, harm me, demand I do the most heinous of things to myself._

_I do not fight back and indulge in the pleasures they placed on my wellbeing. _

_They watched; watched as I lost control of myself yet again._

…

…

I gasp, hurrying up where I laid and hunching forward. Sweat beats down my face as I continued gasping for air, taking in the scenery around me. While dark, I can easily picture the objects and furniture placed in the room. It was my room, and I was on my bed. I had awoken by nightmares.

Again.

Every night was like this, rarely did I find myself waking up without jumping off my bed in a heap of sweat.

I take the watch off the desk and look it over. It was ten minutes till five. As expected, another day with no proper sleep.

I need a cigarette.

I should get dressed.

Redressing myself in my work clothes, I left my room and headed out to get some coffee in the spawn room– which was occasionally used as an eating area. Not many people were awake yet besides Soldier and Engineer– who were chatting amongst themselves at one of the tables. Quietly, I got my coffee as well as grabbed one of the few weekly newspapers administration orders for us. Six rolled around as people slowly started to show up, yawning and walking in a daze as they either sit themselves on a table or grab some breakfast from the fridge or a coffee at the coffee machine.

I kept to myself during these times, secluded on a small table in the corner, pretending to focus on my paper while I drank quietly from my cup. Occasionally, I was given a _‘Good morning’_ whenever someone walked by, but most passed by me with little to no notice. However, there was one man who went out of his way to gain my attention.

“Yo!” Scout greets, grabbing the chair next to me as he turns it around, sitting himself on the wrong end. The two of us always ended up running into each other during the fights, mostly dying horribly because we got in the way of the other’s work. More Scout than I, but he would say otherwise. Though, through our faults, we ended up being close acquaintances. Our talks were short, being only casual discussions and half-hearted remarks on the other’s performance.

Taking another sip, I asked all sweetly, “What do you need, Scout?”

“Didn’t see you all that much last game. Ya slackin’?” I guess he missed me, how thoughtful of him.

“Let us just say I was keeping someone busy.”

“Oh! Let me guess, it was their Sniper?” He claps his hands before pointing at me. The boy is easily amused with himself.

“Correct.” I spin a little French in that word.

“Knew it! My kill count seemed lower than usual.”

I snort back, “So instead of one, you had none?”

He spits, “Pfft, whateve’,” before pouting away in his chair. I held my grin as I take another sip.

“Prepare yourself for that man, I have a hunch he will play at his fullest today.” I give the boy a warning, knowing full well that the marksman was not going to slack like before.

“Well, I’ll make sure to put him back in his place. That place bein’ the dirt, because I’m going to slam my bat right into the back of his skull!” He pumps a fist up in the air and grins back.

“You do that.” I raise my cup at him before taking another sip from it. The boy does another fist pump before he finally jumps off from his seat and takes his leave, most likely bored of me now as he goes to bother the bushman and the fixing man a table over.

Before I could relax again, someone else comes over, wishing for my attention. Two people talking to me in one day, how rare.

“Herr Spy,” the medical man spoke, sounding quite serious in tone.

This Medic was quite younger than most other Doctors’, and I believe he knew that himself. The man always held a stern expression and acted far more mature, even for me to handle. This young man was strict to the rules– more so than Soldier even– and berated others when things did not go his way.

I whistle back, “Yes, Doctor~?”

“You are keeping zhat _urintrinker_ busy?” He angrily spits over. The man must have overheard Scout and me.

“Perhaps,” my voice echoes through my cup as I take another sip.

“Is it vise to associate yourself with zhat _tierficker_?” A snort escapes as I try not to cough out some of my drink. I do a clear to my throat as I put the cup back on the table and held my hands together.

“Are you worried about me, oh doctor~?” I whistled again, teasing him. The man’s expression did not change as he readjusts his glasses. He then eyes back for a moment before coming closer to me, his head hunched closer to my ear.

Medic whispers, “You may end up dead if you act too carelessly, herr Spy. Zhat… _Obstkuchen_ is not right in ze head.”

I suppose the doctor would know that first hand, considering that little _‘incident’_ he had with the BLU a while back. Mentioning the man alone seems to put him on edge, if one could not already tell from the interesting ways he calls the BLU bushman.

My fingers tighten and spread about as I thought up an excuse for this man to leave me be.

Finally, I happily replied back with a smile, “Let me do my job and you do yours, oui?” He backs away, seeming more annoyed than when he first got here. The man does another readjustment to his glasses before hiding his arms behind his back.

As he leaves, he says one last thing, “Vell, do come to me if you need anyzhing.” I give him a small wave goodbye as he heads out, most likely back towards the medical room.

With a hum and a sigh, I pick my cup by the handle. Spinning the caffeine around, I stare into it, watching the white swirls circle in the middle.

I had made a promise that I would meet that BLU again later tonight, and I do hate ruining promises. A rare opportunity like this would be such a shame to waste. Hah, truly, it would be such a shame.

With another smile, I take another sip.

Perhaps he can teach me how to properly use that Rifle.


	6. Face

Not once, not twice, not even a third time do I go and meet that man. I visited that man at that same spot near the ledge every single day in fact. It was simple things we did; conversation, smoking, and of course the man teaching me how to use that rifle. A non-moving target was not an issue for me anymore.

After we parted the night, we continued to amuse ourselves by making our job into more of a game. We counted the amount of kills we committed on each other and tiled them up after every ceasefire. We were tied, three to three now. Granted, if I just played more seriously I could easily go six to zero with the man. But I was having far too much fun, and it made me take stupid and silly risks no Spy should ever do.

Really, I never thought murder to be such light-hearted fun.

“And then Pyro came around the corner and blasted yah right off the edge!” Sniper howled out in laughter, almost choking himself on his drink.

“I guess you can say that the spook was spooked! Hon, hon!” I go in a snorting fit.

Again, we meet at that same spot after ceasefire. The man had brought drinks this time around and I was quite eager to impark in the drunken festives. I never did drink all that much, especially heavy alcoholic drinks like the man brought us. While unpleasant tasting, I did not want to be rude to his offer, so I just chugged the vile liquor down my throat at every opportunity.

We settled down our laughter, both taking another swig at our beers with a loud pop. Sniper hunches his back forward as I hear the sound of a bone snapping back in place. He groans, rubbing his knuckles behind his back.

Licking the alcohol off my lips, I ask, “Are you feeling well?”

“Yeah, I’m a’right. Still feelin’ those last couple of stabs from ya,” he replies with another groan. Wanting an excuse to stop drinking, I sit my bottle down and move closer to him. “Hey, what’cha doin’?” He protests, sliding away a bit. I circle my hand around, motioning for the man to turn his back to me.

“You said your back was sore. I wish to massage it better.” Turning ones back on a Spy was possibly the dumbest thing anyone can do, and Sniper knew that the most.

Again, I circled my hand at him as I moved closer. He hesitated, but obliged, keeping an eye on me as he slowly turned around.

My hands gripped tightly on the man’s shoulder, my thumbs pressing against the backside of his shoulder blade. My thumbs stroked in a circle, putting pressure on the tighten muscle. The muscles were quite stiff, probably due to his poor posture. He always hunched far too forward, and even backwards. The weight of the rifle contributed much of this as well as he always had it carried over his shoulder.

He grunts slightly, but did not speak a word of me to stop. Slowly the grunts became sighs as his body showed signs of loosening up.

“Got like the magic touch, Spook,” he comments over with a slight shake in his shoulders.

“Sorry to say, but I have no profession in massage treatment.” Sniper circles his head around his neck before stopping back to look at me.

“Yah know how to use yer hands then,” he praises over. “Nice not gettin’ molested by a Spy for once.” I assumed it was a joke, but it did not sit right with me.

“Pardon?” My hands stop, too distracted to continue as I patiently wait for his reply.

“Eh, some of yah Spies’ can be a bit touchy at times.” He does a small scratch to his cheek. “Quite a hassle to deal with when they’re bleedin’ good.” The man seemed to care less of the issue. However, I was greatly offended. Not by him, but by the fact that there have been Spies’ before me who have touched him in such indecent ways. Such flirtatious measures sicken me.

“Repugnant, vile!” I threw my hands off the man as I grabbed my bottle, chugging it down. I take a long harsh swallow as I gasp out my next sentence, “Such callous behavior! Sickening!” Some alcohol splashed on my cheek as I smeared it away angrily, hurting myself a little as I did.

“Easy there, meant nothin’ of it.” I shake my head over before chugging down the bottle again.

“Some take the… alluring too far at times. Repulsive.” I muttered out, feeling a little tired now. Merde, I am not used to consuming such heavy liquids. It is hard to think straight, less keep my voice in check.

“Hey, It’s nothin’ we Snipers’ can’t handle. We’re trained to not fear death and to not fear to kill,” he then told me, which honestly surprised me. Classes held their past training quite secret in case of exploitation. Even saying something that sounded like the standard norm is a risk to confirm, especially for one’s enemy.

There was a moment of pause as neither one of us said anything to the other. We quietly drank from our drinks, staring outward at the starry sky like we usually did.

Sniper takes another swig of his own bottle as he starts telling me a story. “My… My last mission, before I even became a Sniper. All the trainees’ were sent to the outskirts of a huge jungle with nothin’ but our clothes and guns. Imprisonment for survival perhaps? Hell if I can remember a whole lot, my brain’s blockin’ most of it.” He stops, taking another swig. If the man could not remember certain parts, the events may have been traumatic in a way.

Sniper was having trouble thinking over his next sentence as he takes his shades off, squeezing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. Perhaps the alcohol was affecting his memories as well, or perhaps he was trying to figure out why he was telling me this story in the first place. He holds his glasses near his waist as he wagged them about by its arm. “All I knew was that we had to survive on the land for the next seventy-two hours. It was rough. Supplies were hard to come by as you risk havin’ to kill the dangerous wildlife or partake in the colorful poisonous fruits.” He stops playing with his glasses as he sat there, just thinking to himself again before taking another swig in his bottle. “It ain’t nothin’ like this. We have it lucky with that respawn system.”

There was another pause as Sniper looked over to his rifle. He places his glasses back on his face before picking up the rifle, examining it closely before swinging it forward. “There was this one guy who I made friends with during trainin’. Hah, hate to admit it, but the guy was probably the first friend I had ever gotten. Was not much of an out there kid back in the day.” Again, he pauses. “That guy was tough to teeth! He could wrestle a crocodile underwater with his pinkie alone. Would have been the greatest Sniper ever known.” He then placed his rifle back down, still holding it tightly in his hands. “Bugger was cryin’ his eyes out when he asked me to shoot him.”

He stopped. Sniper placed the Rifle to the side as he takes another swig from his bottle, finally emptying it completely. With a lick to his lips, he coughs up a burp and starts to laugh. “And here I am now, shootin’ yer guys heads off for a livin’! BOOM! A wave goodbye to yer head!” He coughed another laugh, though it started to sound forced now. I suppose the man wish to brighten the mood again. Sadly, a story like that is not easily forgotten, especially from me.

The man had told me secrets I have never known of the Snipers’. It was most likely an accident on his part, considering he was half-drunk and tired. Still, it was foolish of him to tell me this and he should have known better to not get drunk on cheap tasting booze. The man could have easily implied a weakness that I could exploit on not only him, but other Snipers’ as well.

He sighs, apologizing, “My bad, never meant to spoil the mood with depressin’ stories.” I shake my head, telling him it was fine.

I then ask, “Seems quite careless to tell me all this. Do you not have rules or codes to keep such things secret?”

“Hah! They couldn’t even stop us from havin’ pissin’ contests every day. Bleedin’ impressive how long some of us can go.” I presumed it was another joke he was telling me, but it was hard to tell. Noticing the weird look I was giving him, Sniper clears his throat. “Eh, sorry, should’ve taken ya seriously with that one. I doubt you get that much privilege in yer line of work. Hell, yah can’t even show any of us yer face.”

As he said that, I touched my face, feeling the thin texture of cloth covering it. This mask was a tightly shut safe protecting a Spy’s most precious secrets, pasts, friends, families, and lovers. Even outside the battlefield, we were forbidden to go out in public without it. No one was allowed to see who we truly were, especially are enemies.

I lost control of my thoughts at that moment.

My hand softly moved down, tugging the ends of my balaclava. And with one fell swoop, I removed it.

Again, there was another moment of silence as Sniper just looked at me. His mouth slightly hanged, trying to think over what to say.

“Did… Bloody hell Spah, did yah?” Even I did not know what had come over me. My hand just moved on its own, unaware of the motions it was doing before it was too late. He saw it all, my slicked black hair breezing in the cold air, the smooth stubbles on my shaved chin, my faint scars that still blemished my face.

In my slight haze, it was only now that I noticed that Sniper’s face was uncomfortably close to mine as I could smell the awful odor of alcohol through his breaths.

“Space, monsieur.” I place my hand between us as he finally moves away.

“Eh, my bad, just, lack of sun, ehm, lights and all.” Sniper rubs the bridge of his nose again before shaking his head a bit and blinking a few times. “Ya know, wearin’ a mask, yah still go out of yer way to make yerself good looking, ehm... Gooood… cute? Naw, that’s even worse.” The man was obviously having trouble thinking of the right words to say.

Are drunken shenanigans were starting to take a toll on us and I thought best if they ended here before any other regretful decisions happened. I doubt I would get any work done today either, so it would be best for me to call it a night and get some proper sleep for once.

“Pa-Pardon, but it is late.” I stammer, struggling to my feet as I use the wall for support. How irresponsible of me to end up like this. I was tipsy, still in a drunken haze, and desperately in the need for some sleep.

“Goin’ be a’right?”

“I will manage.” I fumble the mask on my face again as it ended up slipping on one side to the other.

“Hey, let me help.” The man wobbled up, coming closer to me.

“I can handle my own mask, monsieur!” I retorted, still trying to place this troublesome cloth over my head. Sniper grabs my hands, stopping them in place. Our eyes meet, lingering longer than they should have as the two of us got a good look at our beaming reddish faces and tired like eyes.

Finally, the man takes his hands off as he then takes my balaclava, stretching it out and placing it over my face. It slid down, hiding my view from him for a second as my vision returns again, seeing him staring back with a drunken smile.

“I need to go.” I mutter, wishing the man off me as he still had a good hold of the ends of my mask.

“Oh, right.” He steps aside, trying not to fall as he walked backwards towards the wall, placing a hand on it so he could stay still. As I turn my back on him to leave, he calls out, “Hey, Spah!” With a slight turn to my neck, I wait and listen for his next sentence. “We’re friends, right?”

I say nothing.

The man forces another laugh, “Hah, just playin’ with yah! Can’t be makin’ friends in this line of business now, right!” 

Again, I say nothing back as I continue on my way, following the trail of lights to guide me back home.


	7. Human

I rub my eyes as I wait for the sapper to finish its job. This time, the BLU Engineer had placed his Sentry near wooden fences, on top of the hill leading down towards the mines. While different, I was still able to dispose of him and his machines with little notice or harm. He was able to get a good wrench whack in me before he died, but that was only because of this distracting headache I was having.

For once, I was able to get some sleep, though the after morning was dreadful as the first thing I did was sprint towards my washroom and vomit into the toilet. Truly not my greatest moment, but a moment no one else had to see but me.

My head started to go on a throbbing fit again as I pretend to move my hands under my imaginary hardhat. One has to stay in character less people question why your mini-gun just went through your torso.

Someone then calls over, “Yo Spy, how’s the sappin’ goin’?” I thought it to be the BLU Scout for a moment as I look to see the color of RED instead. It was no way my counterpart either, even that man could not properly recreate that dopy face that this particular Scout always held.

“Scout– Ahem, son, ain’t all that smart of yah to be talkin’ admist battle, now ain’t it?” I mock in the Texans voice. Scout shrugs before placing his bat on his shoulder.

“Who says I can’t?”

I point over to a fella– ahem, gentleman coming towards us and say, “Him,” before hopping over a small gap between the giant fences, out of the way of the rocket firing right at us. Scout looks back and shrieks out as he flies a few feet behind me, his bat flailing in the air before bouncing on the ground.

He yells back, “Damn it Spy, give me a heads up next time ya ass–!” He then stops, hurrying to his feet again as he runs further into BLUs territory. The BLU Soldier hurried over, laughing and giving me a smile over.

“Don’t worry, Engie, I got him!” He tells me, rocket jumping away before landing his shovel right into my teammate’s head. I may owe Scout a favor later for that one, but it was his own fault for taking his time to have a casual conversation with the enemy. Hah, I am one to judge.

The sapper finally finished as I hurry deeper into the BLU’s territory as well. They had the cart closing for the second point, and a simple push could easily get it to pass through. Some distracting and a few backstabs should slow them down though. But as I reach the first point, I noticed it to be strangely quiet as I saw no hide or hare of any BLUs. Perhaps they had a teleporter that I had miss further in our territory.

As I turned a foot back, I hear a gunshot from afar. Swiftly I turned around again as the shot pierced the ground, smoking just a few inches away from my feet. Taking my mask off, I looked over to see my assaulter. It was my little playmate, just kneeling down on that rocky ledge, scoped into his rifle. He had finally respawned again after our last pitiful encounter.

“A’right, yah got me when I wasn’t payin’ attention! This time, I ain’t lettin’ yah get behind.” He tries to excuse his poor play from before as he does a reload to his gun.

With a snort, I egg him on, “Oh, now you are ready? It is almost the end of the game and I have yet to start.” He huffs a laugh back before scoping in again. Instantly, I cloaked away before he could take a shot at me. The man was quick to unscope as he hurried down from the ledge, running into the center of the first point and circling around, looking for me.

He was being reckless, or perhaps he wished to lure me in closer. Maybe it was a new strategic plan he thought up on the fly. None the less, he had to go through with that plan now or never, because I was coming up right behind him.

Waiting for the moment where his back was turned, I uncloak a few feet away, my knife tightly in my palm as I creeped ever so closer to him. It was only when I was mere inches away from his backside that I noticed he did not have his Rifle out anymore, but something else. There was a moment of laughter from the man as he turned his head back, easily aware of my presence behind him. He held an object near his face as it tinted a bright yellow.

Merde, no.

Foolishly I stumbled back as I realized what the man held. However, it was too late to run, less kill him as he screamed that horrid word out to me.

“JARATE!”

There was a loud crackle, than a splash of liquid bursting out. My whole body was coated, soaked in the man’s… Oh mon Dieu, his urine.

The man smirks, knowing exactly the heinous crime he just committed as he goes into a fit of laughter. “Freshly batched up from last night’s drinkin’ festives!” I gag out, my stomach churning as I try my best not to hurl in front of the man. I noticed that Sniper was having trouble not hurling out as well, probably still sick to his own gut from the drinking. “Mnh… Pa-Pause, one moment.” He hunches slightly, swallowing down hard.

“Why did you think using this stuff now was a good idea?!” I do the same, still gagging.

The two of us finally compose ourselves as we look at the other, signaling our cue to continue. Taking a strategic retreat, I run over to the balcony nearby, leaving a foul trail of urine behind. The man hurried his rifle in his hands as he followed after me.

I pull out my gun, taking a few potshots behind as he retaliates back with an unscope shot of his own. Our shots miss the other, breezing past our heads and bodies. I soon stop at a ledge, looking back at the man before jumping off it.

“Perhaps I should teach yah some aimin’ lessons!” He shouts, taking another unscope shot at me before I leaped down. It breezes by my head as I roll a few feet forward, pointing my gun up the moment I stop, waiting for him to jump down next.

“I do not wish for an amateur to teach me!” I encourage him to jump down next, but there was no snarky reply back, less any sign of him creeping closer to the edge. Taking one step forward, I stand my ground, gun still firm in my hands, waiting ever so patiently for his next move.

It was then I saw an object fly in the air, a glimpse of yellow shining in my eyes.

Merde, not again.

I dodge away in time as the jar cracks open, spilling all over the ground. I then hear a crackled thud afterwards as I see the man land right into the shards of glass below. With another reload, he aims over to me and fires. I aim back, ready to fire a shot of my own. Unlucky for me, he was able to shoot the gun out from my hand as it threw itself back, clattering against the ground and spinning away. I winced back in pain, watching the blood seep down my fingers. The bullet had grazed the outside of my knuckles, shredding not only the fabric of my glove but as well as my skin.

“Luckily, I’m a professional.” He grins, really proud in his shot.

Finally free of that rancid smell, I cloak, pretending to run in the building again before backing away to the spot where I last was. “We can only go around this building so many times, Spook!” He shouts, falling easily for my bait as he runs up the stairs, taking a few potshots at the air.

Taking this moment, I hurry over to my gun again as I picked it up, reloading in a few more bullets. The man runs back down the stairs as he hurries closer to the first point, circling around, looking for me. Again, the man was showing his weakness. Uncloaking right from behind him, I carefully aimed at the man’s head. It was a perfect shot, an easy kill. Steadily holding with both hands, my finger inches to the trigger.

Suddenly, the man turned around, jumping back as he fidgeted around with his rifle. After all that, it was now that he found himself fumbling about like a freshly new recruit. Perhaps his overconfidence was getting the better of him, considering how well he was doing up until now. Sometimes he makes my job far too easy.

I expected the man dead by now, but nothing of the sort happened. My gun was aimed, loaded with ammo, just readying to pierce a bullet through the man’s skull. But it did not fire. My finger had frozen. I could not even hold my gun straight anymore as it shook in my hands. Now I looked like the one who was caught by surprise, hesitating to shoot a man for the first time.

Sniper may have hesitated somewhat as well because he ended up shooting my chest instead of my head. I drop my gun as I fall back, hissing out in pain as I could feel the blood seep down my chest. Sniper wraps his rifle around his back as he hurries over to me.

“Spah, mate, are you a’right?” He kneels down, examining the damage. It was a clean shot through the upper chest, most likely piercing through my heart. The pain was nothing new, but it was still quite unpleasant to feel. “Look, I’ll get yah a medipack–” I grab the man’s arm, holding him still so he did not make such a foolish mistake.

“Stop! Stop this worrying at once!” I cried out, coughing out specs of blood from my mouth.

“But I didn’t mean to–” 

“You won! Now finish the job.” My hand fell back on my chest as I lay there, panting out.

Sniper frowns, continuing to kneel there before finally standing up. He brought his rifle to his front again. With a slight click of his tongue, he aims at my head.

…

…

“Wake up pally, you died.” I was awoken by the most annoying thing in the world. Scout pokes his bat into my head, proving to up his annoyance even further.

“Enough!” I yell, pushing the object away before standing to my feet.

“Geesh, I was just tryin’ to wake ya up. Been sleepin’ there for a couple of minutes now.” Minutes seemed like an awfully long time. Perhaps my bad sleeping habits are getting the best of me, considering I had respawned on the floor instead of my own two feet.

I compose myself and then ask, “And why are you still here?”

“Battle’s done.” I almost did not believe the boy until I bring my watch over, realizing that it was already evening and ceasefire had already rang. First it was the toilet, then the headaches, the piss, and now this. “Feelin’ alright? You were the last one to respawn after ceasefire rang.” Even Scout can tell that I was having the least unpleasant day ever.

With a heavy sigh over, “I am fine,” I walked away, rubbing a hand against my forehead.

Where I was even heading now did not matter, because something else was preoccupying my mind to even care. I was ignoring it till now, but I cannot any longer.

Sniper saw my face, and that is a problem. He could easily exploit me for this. He is the enemy, and he had every right to tell everyone what he saw. Tell administrations. These rules of these masks were harsh, dangerous even. My whole team could be harshly punished if such info even slipped out by mistake. Not now, not tomorrow or the next week or even the week after that. But one day, the truth will come out from him. And I cannot let that happen. I may need to… dispose of him.

It did not seem right the more I thought over it. The man in reality did no wrong. At most, it was a series of unfortunate events that led me to him. He did not beg for my help, nor did he force me to talk with him, nor was my mask being removed done by his own hands. My actions were my own.

No, I cannot allow myself to be distracted by such trivial emotions. He is not my friend, nor my teammate, and nor is he a welcoming acquaintance. He is my enemy and nothing more. What is done is done, and I have to accept that and take care of this mess.

I could not even wait for the sun to fully set as I hurried myself out my room. Dinner would have to wait later, because I needed to speak with Sniper as quickly as possible. As I do another tug to my tie, someone suddenly approaches in front of me.

“Yo, Spy!” Scout heaved out, looking as if he had just run all across the base to find me.

“Scout, I apologize, but I do not have the time.”

“Wait! Some of the guys got some poker set up, and I bet they’ll be more than happy to clean your wallet out.” He must be looking for some easy saps to play with. Maybe another time, there were more important things for me right now.

“I wish to get some reconnaissance done.” I start heading out as the boy follows behind.

“Again? You seem to be doin’ that every night now.”

“My business is my own.”

The two of us finally made it outside the entrance as I ready my watch to cloak. Scout stands in front of me, wanting my attention just a little longer.

“Hey, maybe you should take it easy? You always seem to be workin’ so hard.” I was more impressed then flattered that this Scout could hold back from acting obnoxious for once. Though, even his kindness was getting on my nerves just the same. Again, another time, another day, I would join in the spectacles.

“Excuse me.” I move around him, cloaking myself as I vanish from his sights.

“Pfft, whateve’! Will have more fun playin’ poker without ya anyway!” He yells, kicking some dirt away before sulking back into base again.

Surprisingly, Sniper also came early, waiting for me at the same spot, smoking the same cigarette. His eyes widen a bit in surprise as he swiftly stands to his feet.

“Hah! Yer early.” He greets with a laugh as he flicked the cigarette away before crushing it out. “Hey, feelin’ a’right?” He then asks, sounding quite concern now.

“It was no different from any other bullet wound.”

“Right, right.” Sniper nodded a few times.

Our conversation paused for a moment, neither one having the courage to continue any further than that.

The two of us realized the same thing. We both hesitated killing the other. Not only is this inexcusable, but it is also a hindrance for our team. Acting friendly to the enemy is improper behavior, and it was usually dealt with swift punishment from either the team itself or administrations.

Tapping my fingers together at the man, I tell him, “I believe we should end these little chit-chats. Agreed?”

“Yeah…” While Sniper agreed, the tone in his voice and the sadness on his face told me otherwise.

“You say that, but you do not sound like you wish to?” Sniper started fiddling his hat on and off.

“I, uh, I didn’t feel well after shootin’ yah before. Right sick actually. Thought it was just the alcohol again and… naw, it wasn’t that.” I believe this man was telling me he threw up. That was not a good sign at all. I have faced Sniper in battle many of times and he has always enjoyed watching his target bleed for him. Even once we started having are more competitive little battles, he enjoyed seeing me bleed, though he would deny that.

“You have blasted my head many of times before, so it may have been the drinks.”

“Naw, it wasn’t!” He was quick to retract my answer.

“Why do you believe that?”

Sniper sighs heavily, taking in the cool air around him before speaking again, “Because… Because, after doin’ that, I couldn’t stop thinkin’ about all the laughs and stories we told each other! How we made these senseless battles we do every day into a friendly and fun competitive match! We were enemies, but we talked as if we knew each other for years. These past few days have been some of the best to me. Yah even showed me yer face and…” He stops, placing a hand on and off his mouth, trying to find the right words to tell me next. There was a tint of red in his cheeks. “Bloody hell, I can’t stop thinkin’ about yer face. About yah, Spah.”

This was even worse than I had first imagined. A few sugary words and gentle smiles and this man had already succumbed to desires. I hated this, this allurement that changed men into nothing more than mindless lustful creatures. This man was not the first, nor will he be the last.

“Do not be foolish to act like some love-struck teenage girl. You are a grown man, and you know better than to linger your mind on such depraved thoughts.”

The man shook his head, sputtering out, “Naw, it ain’t– It ain’t nothing like that, Spah! Piss, I just want to get to know yah better and–”

“Non! I am your enemy. Any form of generosity or kindness is a weakness to exploit. I do not wish to see you harmed over such naive foolishness. We are killers, assassins, murderers for people to use. Mere weapons of war.”

“That ain’t true!” He then shouts over, catching me by surprise. “And yah know why I think that? It’s because yah said so yerself. We are all human, bushman! Even in this bleedin’ profession! Yah! Me! We’re people! And so is everyone else here!” He takes a moment to breathe again before continuing with, “It really meant a lot hearin’ that, yah know?”

Perhaps the lie worked a little too well.

“Merely a lie.” The man’s expression darkens.

“A… lie?”

I nod, “Yes, lies and deceits for my own amusement. You should have known better, bushman.” My reply was the cold hard truth and nothing more. While he did smile, it was not one of happiness, but befuddlement.

There was a scuff of laughter, than a rough growl through his throat, “Hah… That’s that? Yer right, I suppose I should have known better to trust whatever a bleedin’ Spook says.” A reaction I expected, nothing more, nothing less.

Still, this did not change the fact that he saw my face. In fact, I may be in a more dangerous situation than before. Moments ago, this man was happy to see me. Now, he was filled with utter despair and rage. He knew better, and yet he still believed he had made a friend in this meaningless war. To make friends with a Spy is most careless. To make friends with an enemy Spy, that was not only careless but most stupid.

But even now, my hand would not reach for my gun, less knife. My hands were shaking actually. Merde, I am hesitating again. 

“If we understand each other now, I wish to leave and do some work.” I replied before turning my back on the man. Doing anything right now will only get me harmed in the end, I will have to deal with it tomorrow. I then give him one final word over, “Goodbye.”

One step. Two steps. Then I stopped.

I heard a sound. It was quick, a swift object passing the air and clicking into place. Everything was playing in slow motion as the shaking in my hand finally stops as it instinctually reached for my gun. Moments like these were the most intense during the battle. But the battle was done for the day, and small mistakes could mean more than just a twenty second wait to respawn.

Mere seconds only pass as I hear that familiar clicking sound brush my ears.

_BANG!_

I cry out as I fell to my side, my right leg throbbing with intense pain. My teeth grind together as I hold myself up with my arms, wheezing through my nose as I take a good look over to my leg. The bullet went all the way through my kneecap as it pierced the ground below, covered in my marrow and blood. Swears of French harshly escape from my mouth as I lay there, stunned, still wincing as the pain seeped through my entire body. It was so easy to ignore such pain during battle, but with the added fear, the lingering wait, and the chance you may not even come back normal or alive again made everything a thousand times more agonizing.

Sniper does a reload to his gun and walks closer. And I see it, after the longest time, I see that same expression he always held during battle. He had returned as a blood-thirsty killer ready to see his target squirm and cry for him. This man wants to see me die, as slowly and as painfully as possible.

Standing just a few feet from me, he stops, dropping his gun down to his chest. Our eyes met, one filled with anger, another with fear. The man, who was so eager to kill moments ago, turned soft, horrified at the sight of his own action, and sick to the bottom of his gut.

Sniper drops his weapon, coughing as he held his stomach, looking as if he wanted to throw up right there and then. He swallowed hard, gasping air as he tries to compose himself.

“Sp-Spah, I… I didn’t mean it! All hell, why did I do that?!”

He paced back and forth, his hands placing themselves on every part of his face. He continuously swore again and again to the point that his mouth was dirtied with every possible swear he could think of.

It was at that moment when I finally had the energy to pull out my gun and aim at the man. Sniper takes notice of my action and stops in place. All he did was just stand there, staring at me. He looked scared.

I shot.

But I somehow missed as the bullet brushed past his head, nicking the strands of hair on the side of his face before hitting the walling behind him. Sniper slowly turned his head back before looking at me again. Again, I aimed, readying to fire.

Then a gun was placed against my head.

“Drop it.” The voice was low and serious in tone as it pressed the barrel harder against me. I do as the figure asks, slowly placing my gun on the ground. They kick it away as it span closer to Sniper’s side. Slowly, did I look back and take the chance to see my assaulter.

The BLU Spy.

“Spook? What are yah doin’ here?”

“You think I would let this go unnoticed? You are a fool,” he told Sniper, taking his eyes off me for a moment before looking back down. “These ‘outtings’ you two were having were suspicious. I thought you were betraying the team. Looking at this, however, tells me otherwise.” Again he looks up at Sniper, smiling a little. “Nice shot by the way.”

“I...” Sniper looks over to me before hiding his face down. “Thanks,” he mutters.

“Well? Are you going to help me or are you just going to stand there?”

Sniper made no eye-contact from either of us as he picks up my gun, unloading the bullets before coming over to us. Kneeling down next to me, he checks through my pockets, swiping away my knife, disguise kit and an extra pack of cigarettes I had saved for later. He then grabs my arm and unhooks my watch, throwing it away with the other discarded objects. “That is all?” The BLU asks. I only snarl out another groan, still wincing in pain to even properly open my mouth. I had yet to notice, but Sniper still held on my arm, squeezing it slightly.

“We should get Medic,” Sniper said aloud.

“Why?” The BLU’s reply was harsh, and most uncaring.

“His knee is a wreck, mate.”

The man says nothing at first before muttering, “Fine. But you will have to explain to the Doctor why he should heal this… **RED**.” There was some roughness in his voice saying that last word over.

Sniper picks me off the ground, picking up my back with one arm and my legs in the other. Even though he tried to be as gentle as he could about it, the pain in my knee flared up as I groaned a harsh hissing wheeze at him.

Without wasting any time, Sniper hustles over towards the BLU base. As we past the BLU Spy, my eyes met with his. He held an uncomfortable, darken glare, demanding questions and answers. It was most unnerving.

The pain is getting to be a bit too much now, making it hard to think properly. All I needed to know was that I am going to be staying at the BLUs base for some time, whether I wanted to or not.


	8. Air

They placed me in a secluded room underground. Strips of dim lights covered the ceiling, giving the room a cold dim color. No windows, just long strips of walls all around, colored in a darkish dead grey. A Heavy metal door firmly locked the exit, another wooden door leading towards a small restroom in the corner. The floors and walls were cracking and chipping apart, bleeding into the greyness of the already colorless room. The only other colors were the tables and chairs, which were made of loose metal and colored a tint of faded green.

I was sitting on one of the chairs, my hands tightly tied behind with ropes. They were most strong, feeling my wrist burn and itch between them.

They began interrogating me one by one, first being their Soldier, and then the Heavy. Slowly did they have to whittle down to the least threatening of mercenaries as next came their Engineer. Soon, it was the bushman’s turn to interrogate me. Sorry for him, I was not going to treat him any differently from the rest.

As he walked in– hiding his face away from me as he did– he brought one of the chairs over and places it in front of me. He sat there, quiet, possibly looking the least threatening man he could ever be. Even the Engineer held an ominous snarl when talking to me.

Finally, he raises his head and asks, “Yer leg. Feelin’ any better?”

“Your Medic’s work was superb.” Indeed, the operation was so swift– if quite painful– that when he was finished, I had yet to realize I was already being tied up and thrown down this grungy room.

“Good, good.” He pauses. “Spah, what I–”

“You made your choice. Now go ahead and interrogate how you wish.” I wish for no small talk or remorse. The man is my enemy, and he will treat me the same as I treat him. He goes silent again, spreading his fingers apart and tapping them against each other.

“Well, if yah don’t mind, I wish to tell some things about myself.” Absurd, this man continues to tell me nonsense I care little to hear. Before, our talks were mostly on the day’s match or about our teammates. We never bothered asking what the other enjoyed, mostly because it was unneeded, useless banter. “Like hikin’ a lot actually. Sometimes I explore some of the areas I’m stationed in,” he continued on as I expressed little care over. “Ever tried meat pies? Delicious, they are. My ma makes some of the meanest meat pies.” He then stops.

Sniper already looked like he had run out of things to say. There were limits after all, and the meat pie mention was risking enough already. “…I’m a virgin.” I unconsciously give him my attention, staring in disbelief. My ears rarely falter me, but perhaps this was the one time they did. This man– who looked well enough to be in his thirty’s– just told me he was a virgin.

“Pardon, but did you just tell me you are a virgin?”

“Yeah, I am.” He unashamedly nods back. “I just never gotten around to sex, a’right? Had some girlfriends here and there, but they never gave.”

Rudely, I laughed, “I am sorry, but I find it hard to believe you are a virgin!” Sniper clicked his tongue, twisting his hat about in embarrassment for being laughed at so coldly.

“I wouldn’t be lying about that, a’right?!” Even though his hat and shades hid himself, I could see the slight tint of red peering at the edges of his cheeks. He does show the signs of a man with little experience in the sexual field. I knew the Snipers’ to be loners but I never thought some of them to be so awkward as well. At least he mentioned he had girlfriends before, so he is not that much of a lost cause.

However, a curious question popped in my head, “Monsieur, why did you tell me that? What reason do I need to know that you never had sex before?”

With another twist to his hat, he replies, “I just thought it would be important to mention, that’s all.” It was quite innocent sounding, quite pure in a way. How revolting, especially coming from a psychotic man such as this.

Angrily, I turned away in my seat and grumbled, “We are done.”

“Spah–”

“Leave!” I give one last yell over, giving the man no more attention, less notice. He sat there for a moment, waiting, before finally getting off the chair and proceeding to leave. But as he did, another predicament rose inside me. “Wait.” I call out again as the man peers to his side. “I would like to use the bathroom.”

A pause.

With a clear to his throat, he looks away again. Sniper replied, “Can’t do that.” Another pause. “Can’t take the ropes off.” Thus he hurries out, wishing nothing more of my request.

I guess I will just have to ask for the next person to help me.

“Hey douchebag, I came to knock some sense outta ya!” The squeaky voice of the Boston boy booms in.

Or perhaps I will just wet myself instead.

The BLUs seemed to have given up their interrogations after the BLU Scout’s pathetic attempt to weasel info out from me. With the things I told the boy, his team was probably in the middle of whacking him over the head for believing such obvious lies. At least it was a fun distraction to pass the time.

Tired, I laid down on the dirty mattress they gave me. It felt tattered with bullet holes and burnt marks all over. Not that different from what we usually had, but no more as comfortable either. It had to do, because it was far better than sleeping on the hard floor or chair. Before I even have the chance to find a comfortable enough position, I hear footsteps coming down as I wearily sat up from the mattress. Looking over, I see the bushman again. In his hands, he was holding what seemed to be a tray of food.

“Feedin’ time.” Not only did they bother to give me something to sleep on, they cared enough to feed me some leftover slop.

With a grin, I reply, “How thoughtful, but my hands seem to be tied up at the moment. Perhaps if you untied the ropes?” It was merely a joke, but the man saw little in humor.

“Told yah, I can’t.” He then flicks his head to the side, telling me to get up as I do what he asks. We walk over to the table as I sat in the chair from before. Sniper pulled one of the spare chairs nearby as he sat his seat in front of mine. Placing the plate on the table, he then picked up a plastic spoon from the tray and scooped up what seemed to be a mess of thick sweet potato. Slowly, he brought the spoon closer to my mouth.

“Open.” I eyed the spoon before looking over to him again.

“Monsieur, you do not have to–”

“Just open yer mouth.” He continued to hold the spoon there. I complied as I open my mouth wide, letting him insert the contents inside. I doubt it was poisoned, but I also doubt it tasted anywhere good. I did need to eat though, I was really famished and I did not want to resort to eating the mattress for sustenance. With a small press down, I bit into it, expecting the taste to be mediocre. Instead, it was the opposite. It actually tasted quite good. Nothing all too special, but considering what little ingredients administration tended to deliver, this was quite possibly the best meal I had in such a long time.

The spoon only lingered in my mouth for a moment before slipping past my lips. A giant smear of potato was left on it still as the man waited for me to finish before scooping up some more.

Satisfied with the flavor, I finally swallow down and speak over, “I expected atrocity.”

With a slight pause and stutter, he replies, “I, uhm, actually made this.” How surprising. I never expected a Sniper to be somewhat of a decent cook. He seemed like a man who would overcook everything he ate, even his steak. However, this meal looked too well prepared, too carefully put together. The meat juices did not stray, and the veggies did not throw themselves into the mushy mess of the sweet potato. It was quite fancy, restaurant fancy in a way.

As Sniper went in for another spoonful, I asked, “How long did it take you to make this?” He looked at me for a moment before looking away again.

“Yah know, a few minutes.” It was such an obvious lie. If the food would not show it, the plate would. Smears of food on the edges would show signs of carelessness or eagerness. Nothing of that sort showed, this meal was handled with intensive care. There was a question that arose in me the more I looked at the food.

“Have you not eaten yet?” Sniper was taken aback, unsure how to reply as he sat there in silence. With such a well-planned meal, the man may have lost the time to make his own, perhaps even forget in a way.

“Come on, open up.” The man ignored the question all together as he brought the spoon closer to my face again.

“*You buffoon*, you cannot continue to act like this.” I complained in some French as I turned my head away. This was not my meal to partake in, it was his. His energy was more important to his team than mines. Sniper let the spoon stay for a moment before bringing it away.

He just muttered out, “Sorry.” This man was obviously still upset with what he did, and there was no reason for him to be. I was angry at him, yes, but it was only a natural reaction to have with your enemy. It was dirty for him to attack me like that, but I played no different in my tricks.

Frustrated, my voice raised over to him as I shouted back, “Do not waste your breath with needless apologies!”

“What do yah want from me than, Spook?!” The sudden change of the man’s attitude surprised me as I found myself staring over at him, cautiously. He slammed the utensil back on the tray as he stood up, glaring down at me. “I’m sorry, OK?! I don’t know why I did that to yah, I was– I was fuckin’ upset, fuckin’ angry to be lied to like that!” There was a pause as he rubbed his hand down his face, stopping at his mouth. “I-I just didn’t want to have things end that way, I didn’t want to see you leave.” There was another pause as he slumped back into his seat again, hunching forward, just shaking his head and muttering soft swears.

“You are doing nothing good for your team having such guilt.” He looks up again, looking quite agitated now. He huffs a laugh, trying to think over what to say next before staring straight at me.

“Did yah want me to eat this in front of yah? Yell at yah? Beat yah senseless until I was satisfied?!”

“If that is what you wish.” My response was cold, serious, and most uncaring. The man looked devastated now, mouth gaping over as he had trouble saying his next sentence.

“Spah, I-I don’t wish to be your enemy.” Such foolish dribble is sickening to hear. I cannot stand how pathetic this man is acting.

“You ARE my enemy. Do not forget that!” I held my same demeanor, perhaps too well as I tell the man how idiotic he was sounding. Sniper stood silent, still staring at me with utter disbelief. I wanted no more of this conversation as I then demanded, “Are you going to continue feeding me or not?”

His next action was unexpected as the man jumps from his chair, thrusting his arms forward. Sniper had grabbed onto my neck, digging his unclean fingernails deep into my skin. I start to wheeze out in a panic as any air still left inside me completely disappeared. Attempts to inhale failed as my lungs started too heavy. My mouth still stayed open, desperately begging for air to come but nothing came. I cannot breathe, I need air, let me breathe again. Even if I wanted to tell Sniper that, the only thing that would escape would be a scratchy intelligible cry. I was quite frightened, frightened to die in such a pathetic inhumane way.

But then Sniper removed his hands.

I hunched forward, going into a mixture of heavy coughs and wheezes. Even with the pressure gone, my throat felt tight as I consumed what little air my lungs could take in. Sniper then walked away, stopping near a wall as he places his arm against it, swearing quietly to himself yet again. After a few more coughs, I take a deep inhale as well as exhale.

Sniper looks back at me, slowly walking back to his seat again as he sat down. Again, he placed his hands around my neck, but he did not place any force on it. He just stared longingly, wanting something ever so desperately from me. His head moved in, and I felt the loss of air once again.

The man had placed his entire mouth over mine, not even giving me the chance to comply with this sudden intrusion. He went in hard, forcing my lips apart, making our teeth touch. I had no interest in this, nor was I going to let him have his way with me. For the moment, I opened my mouth, giving the man easier access. The man eagerly took the opportunity to push in deeper, letting his tongue brush against the inner walls of my mouth.

Then I bit down.

“Nh–!” The man yelps, backing away, his tongue still out and even bleeding a little. I swirl whatever spit and blood he had left behind and spit it in front of him.

He then went into a rage as he grabbed hard onto my shoulders, throwing me towards the ground as the chair I sat on bounced behind me. He started to beat me, relentlessly, unmercifully even. Whatever part of my body looked the fresher, the least damaged, the least untouched, did his fist strike upon me. On the battlefield, pain did not last long. This, however, lasted far longer than any bullet wound or knife stab ever did.

I believe minutes had passed before the man tired himself out. My clothes were a wreck, marked with the blood and bruises he had made. Sniper backed away, sitting against a wall as he hid his face away with his hands. “Piss… Fuckin’ piss!” I could see the grinding of his teeth as he just continuously swore to himself. This man still had so much to learn. Again, he let his emotions cloud him. There was no remorse he should be feeling, he was only doing what he thought best for himself and for the team.

I tried to sit myself back up, moaning out in the pain that still ravaged my body. Sniper took notice of my struggles as he hesitated to come over and help. Thankfully, I was finally able to handle it myself. I firstly sat on my knees, panting out aloud, before I finally struggle to my feet again.

My next destination was the table as I slowly walk over to it, staring down at the food, hungrily. I moved my head in, devouring on the plate like some animal. “Stop! What are yah even bloody doin’?!” He hurried over, grabbing my arms, pulling me away from the food. He pulled me down as the two of us just sat there on the floor. Sniper hid his face in my suit, his whole body shaking, his fingers dug deeply into my arms. It would be a bad time to tell the man I was just hungry and I wanted to enjoy more of his food. I doubt his emotional instability would understand such a thing.

We sat there, quietly, for who knows how long. The man showed no signs of moving as his body continued to shake beneath me, even more violently as time went on. Sniper was just a complete emotional mess right now and he was only going to get worse if I just sat here and did nothing. The man needed some form of comfort, and sadly that comfort had to come from me. This was reckless, stupid even, but I really did not want to see him in such a pitiful state. 

I mutter, “Sniper, do you truly have feelings for a man such as me?”

“I don’t know! Pissin’ hell, I don’t know anymore!” His voice was scratchy, like he was holding back from crying. I wished not to see that. I do not like seeing a grown man cry in front of me.

“I will allow this.” Sniper picks his head up, looking at me. I take the chance to move my head in, but he turned his head away at the last moment. After what happened last time, I do not believe he wanted to have his tongue torn off completely. I whisper, “I promise no more harm on you.” Sniper turns his head back, watching carefully for my next move.

Leaning in, I pressed my lips against his. He accepted me as our lips parted back, taking in the others warm air. While he did stink, his mouth tasted quite clean. I never thought of him to be a man who brushed his teeth, but he did. It was minty, but there was a hint of burning cigarette ash as well. We parted for a moment before I moved in for another kiss. The man showed some enthusiasm this time around as he explored the inners of my mouth, tasting the crumbs of wet food that still lingered inside. It was quite disgusting, but I did not stop him.

As we kissed, Snipers hands found their way over my back, digging tightly into my suit. One of his hands starts to linger down as he grips a hold of my behind. The man was getting far too frisky as I move my head away, glaring over, annoyed. He took notice of my annoyance and takes his hand off.

“The… The ropes! I just couldn’t take the ropes off.” He blatantly lies over, thinking I would believe such a childish lie. He was not allowed to take the ropes off, so why did he think that decision would suddenly change now. None the less, I said nothing about it.

In fact, I encouraged his lie and replied, “That is fine. Ropes are hardly the issue.” He was surprised, but also happy that I forgave his little lie.

I grew tired of all the kissing as my next course of action was his groin. Looking down, I can see through his pants that he was fairly erect. Whether it was from before or now, it did not matter.

Hunching lower, I bit onto the metal zipper of his pants as I started to unzip the man’s fly open. It was easy enough as the fly spread open, revealing his boxers at me. Good, briefs were far more troublesome to deal with. Sniper swallowed loudly, “Bleedin’ hell,” as he watched down ever so intensely.

I snuggle my head inside, searching for the bump to caress against my face. There, I found where his member was hidden and I went straight to work. “Aah–!” Sniper cried out as I kissed my lips against the fabric covering his vulnerable flesh. There was a slight wiggle as I went in and kissed it again. The bump soon grew as it started moving towards the slit in his boxers. His weakness was truly showing now as I pressed my lips on the tip of his dick ever so lightly, teasing a little on what was to come. Again the man moaned, shaking as he felt the pleasures run through him. My lips touched the tip again, laying there for a moment before spreading open, letting my tongue circle around the sensitive flesh. I then go for his length, softly grasping the foreskin back before parting away. Slowly, my tongue played all over, continuously licking him down until the entirety of his member was filled with my spit.

Sniper placed his hand on my head, trying to push it down further like he wanted me to suck him off already. I glare over, giving him a look of warning that I would not continue if he pushed me the wrong way. He took note, taking his hand off and placing it back to his side once again.

Even though I complained, I did as the man wished of me and start to suck on him. First I placed my mouth on the head, and then slowly did I swallow down to the middle of his length. “Ah–!” The man coughed another moan as he watched me suck him down ever so steadily. My lips slapped against the skin, creating loud wet sucking noises below. I even threw in a few moans of my own to speed the process faster.

This has gone far longer then I wished, and the man showed no signs of coming yet. It was irritating me, making me grow reckless in my movements that I had to take a moment to pull away and inhale in some air. The lack of all this air was making me feel queasy, and quite stressed.

Sniper notices my troubles as he fidgets his hands about, trying to figure out where to place them next. “Yer a’right? Don’t push yerself.” Funny, he was trying to force himself on me just moments ago. He then had the gall to place his hand on my head again. But instead of pushing it down, he gently patted my head. I suppose he was trying to comfort me back, but I found it to be more humiliating than relaxing. I said nothing, just wanting to end this little escapade already.

Again, I continued sucking once again, hurrying my bobbing faster. Heavy breaths and wheezes came from Sniper as he started to finally show signs of coming. I cared little about drinking semen, so I tried to pull my head away, wishing to continue by stimulating him with my tongue. However, the man still had his hand on me, but this time he was putting more pressure on it, keeping me down. “Haah… Sp-Spah, this feels really good.” Perhaps he told the truth when he said he was a virgin. Because, right now, he was really twitching and moaning about like this was the first time someone sucked his dick. It was quite cute, if pathetic.

Knowing I had little choice in escaping, I just accept that I was about to guzzle down on some unpleasant liquid. The pulsing of his member quickened in my mouth as I swallowed the whole thing down my throat. The man seemed to enjoy my deep-throating as his constant panting showed no signs of stopping. Sniper pushed harder on my head, making it difficult for me to move at all now. I gargled out, wheezing through my nose now, feeling choked as the man does small thrusts into my mouth. “Ah–! Spah! Cummin’!”

And with another series of thrusts, Sniper finally came, his semen spilling down my throat. My eyes shut tight as the warm liquid burned down, blocking my airways as I try my best to swallow it. Some of the semen upchucked in my mouth, letting me truly taste the saltiness that it had to offer. Finally, the man relieved all he could as he stops thrusting. He then pulled his hand back, giving me freedom to move again. Instantly, I pulled up and threw up in front of him, coughing and gagging out as spit and semen drenched down my chin.

Taking the moment to taste the air again, I look up at the man. He looked quite flustered, if a little upset. “Piss, I’m sorry about that.” The man obviously let his penis do the thinking more than his brain. Apologizing or not, he disobeyed what I asked of him and forced himself upon me. How irritating.

I need a cigarette.

“We should get that mess cleaned up–”

“Cigarette.” Sniper seemed confused, just staring at me instead of doing what I asked. “Cigarette! Go get me one!” I grew impatient, demanding at the man to just get up and bring me a cigarette to suck on. The man nods over as he fumbles about fixing himself. He then helps me back up as he placed me on the seat he sat in before. As he finished that, he then grabs a napkin from the tray and cleans my chin, giving me a warm smile over as he cleaned. That depressed look he had before was gone, replaced with a more blissful demeanor.

Sniper finally hurries out of the room as I found myself all alone again. I sigh as I eyed over to the uneaten plate still sitting on the table. All I did was stick my tongue out in disgust before looking away from it. My appetite had long pass by now. Quite a shame, the food was really good.


	9. Bath

Sniper placed the cigarette in my mouth, swiftly flicking the lighter near the end of the bud. The bud slowly burned as I take small inhales. While the brand he brought was his own, it did taste quite good. It was much harsher, less fruity than the usual brand Spies’ held. Perhaps I should order this type of brand once I get myself out of here.

I sat there, taking in the nicotine and blowing out the smoke with a low sigh. Sniper just stood next to me, awkwardly fumbling the lighter on and off. The sound of a spark constantly hitting against metal was quite unnerving.

“Monsieur, please stop that,” I complained. He does stop as he looks over, wondering what bad he did to me now. With a pause, I then mutter, “I hate that sound.” As embarrassing as it was to admit, many Spies’ had a triggering fear of fire and I was no different.

“Oh, my bad.” He snapped the lighter back in place and he throws it into his pants pocket.

Seeing my bud shorten, he takes it from my mouth, looking ever so intensely at it before setting it on the tray. As I watch him, a sudden urge below creeps up on me again. It just occurred to me that I still had to use the latrine. I was holding it in for some time, thankfully not soiling myself during the beat down the man gave before. Though, even a gentleman like me can only hold back for so long. If this was my final chance not to humiliate myself, I better take it.

“The bathroom.” Sniper’s attention rolls back to me. “I need to– how you say– take a piss.”

With a slight pause, he nods over and replies, “Right, no trouble.” Dieu merci he said yes.

“I wish for some help as well.”

Again he repeats, “Ri-Right, no trouble.”

The two of us enter the dirty looking bathroom as he flips the toilet seat up for me. He starts unbuttoning my pants as he stops at the last button. He needed to touch me, and he was hesitating to. Impatiently, I complained, “I need to go.” Sniper nods a few times as he reaches through my underwear. Gently, he grabbed my member. The man was polite as he did this, even looking away as I went to relieve myself. The help was most grateful as I did not leave behind an off-putting mess.

Finally done, he flushed the toilet, hurried everything back in me and started to fix my pants back on. Finishing up, he then looks to his side, seeming distracted.

Somewhat curious, I asked, “Is something the matter?” I noticed he was looking over to the small mucky tub. It was awfully filthy, most likely use to quickly wash down a smelly prisoner of blood and sweat.

“Would you like a bath?” Even though the tub looked quite unappealing, I did wish for a bath. My suit was dirtied with blood, and my body still ached from the marks Sniper sored before. Just the feeling of hot water drenching my skin sounded pleasant in its own right. “The ropes still need to stay on,” he added.

The man had left just moments ago as he came back with towels, shampoos and a pail in his hands. I told him how dirty the tub was and he eagerly agreed to scrub the filth away for my own comfort. He did the best he could, and while still disgusting looking, it actually looked like a proper bathtub instead of a giant laundry sink.

Now that the tub was decently clean, it was the matter of my clothes. Sniper comes over to me, his hands wavering all over, trying to decide what to take off first. My pants were still somewhat open, so he decided to start there. He grabs the sides as he pulled them down, letting them wrap around my ankles. I help him out, pulling my foot one whole and out the other. While I did this, Sniper grabbed my shoes in the process, taking them off of me as well. Standing still during all this was easy enough. Proper posture was important, and faulting my own steps is quite an embarrassing thing to me.

Finally done with that, he then begins with my suit, unbuttoning me ever so carefully. Perhaps he wished not to break a button, or dirty the clothes any further then they already were. It did not matter, this suit was a lost cause and I will just have to buy another one once I get out of here. Slowly, he reached the bottom of my suit as he brings it down to the middle of my arms. He then goes around my back and starts untucking my sleeves and gloves out from the ropes. They were quite stuck in there as he had to do some hurtful pulling.

“Sorry, in their tight.” I just shake my head, telling the man not to worry. With another hard tug, he was able to pull the cloth out. He then proceeds to pull the rest of my suit off as he placed it on the toilets top. The vest was easy enough as he repeated the same motions, not having to worry about the ropes getting in the way this time around.

Slowly, he unknotted the tie off my neck. The man’s eyes met mine for a moment before shyly looking down again, continuing to fiddle about with my tie.

Next was the shirt. Simple buttons were not enough to remove this off my body. This would be much easier if my arms were tied in the front, but having them in the back was quite problematic. Sniper saw this as well as he moved his hands back and forth around me. He started pulling the front, letting the back skim across my backside. It was most awkward and uncomfortable as he tried to pull it over my head. With a little more tugging and pulling, Sniper was able to move the clothing over me and finally remove it completely off my body.

Now there were just two things left, my balaclava and my boxers. Boxers probably seemed like a strange choice to him, considering how fancy I usually dressed myself. They were even plaid color; really eye-catching.

Sniper was hesitating again, his arm reaching forward and back at my underwear, unsure if he was allowed to remove any more than that. Silly man, I do not wish to sully my clothes with dirty water.

“You are allowed.” I reassured him, wishing not to stand in this gross room all day. The man swallows harshly, brushing his hand into his hat as he kneels down. He grabs the ends as he steadily moves them down my legs. Thus, my whole body was exposed right in front of him. Sniper continued to kneel, but he did not stare at me. He was actually staring on the floor, probably afraid to have his eyes linger in places I would not be happy with. I moved my foot up, wiggling my toes at him, telling him to stand up straight again.

“Aa-Apologize, mate.” He was swiftly back on his feet, really red looking in the face. He fiddled his hat side to side as he had trouble knowing where to look now as I was completely bare. I kicked away the boxers as all the clothes left on my body were gone. “Uhm… Yer mask.” Sniper mentions, settling down a little as the reddish of his cheeks went pale again. “We should get that off as well.” I felt indifferent with this request. My face and hair needed to be washed as well, but doing it in such a room, inside the enemies own base felt far too dangerous. I doubt anyone would come down to find us here, but the risk was not impossible.

The man slightly moved closer to me as he caresses his hand on my neck. I nudged it off. This was going well and I did not need him to get frisky on me again. “It’s only me here,” he mutters. Again, he placed his hand on my neck before gripping his fingers at the edge of the balaclava. I just let the man have his way as he slowly pulled it off my face.

The mask had been on me for quite a while that my hair had flattened out by all the sweat. Slight marks showed around my cheeks, showing the thin color of red around my face. To anyone, it would look like I was merely outside for too long on a hot day. However, I believe that Sniper was seeing something entirely different as he just stared, unashamed of his perverted grin he was showing. With a slight clear to my throat, the man returns to form as he hurries off me.

“Right, uhm, lets get yah in the tub.” He points back and forth at the tub a few times, trying his best not to look anymore awkward.

The tub was again, small, and I had to bend my knees up in order to fit in it. “Close yer eyes.” Sniper turned a pail of water over my head as it heavily splashed down my body, cleaning the smudges of dry blood and dirt off me. I usually hurried with my showers, so I rarely had the time to enjoy such warming liquid.

Sniper squeezed out some soap, lathering his hands in thick goop as he softly scrubbed against the bruises he had left behind. They were quite dark, with a slight hint of purple and red. Even just grazing against the marks made my flesh pulse a burning sting through my body. I irked slightly, but not so much to worry the man.

“Been through a lot,” he told me, taking quite an interest of the old scars that covered my body. “I have a few here and there myself. But it’s like each mark on yah holds a story.”

“In a way, they do.” I spoke, foolishly letting my mouth run off on me once again. Nudging my head, I showed the man my shoulder. “Those small lines around my shoulder? Demoman cracked a bottle over it by mistake.”

“Mistake?”

“He wanted to break it and just happened to smash it in the very place I was hiding out in. The man was truly shocked to see blood spill from the bottom.” Sniper could not help but wheeze out a small laugh hearing that. He then coughed, pressing his soapy knuckle against his face.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have laughed.” I suppose the man was worried I would be offended. In this situation, maybe, but I will let it slide, if only because he was helping me get clean.

“Go ahead. A lot of these marks are no different.” He takes his hand off his face, perking up a small smile. “Being invisible all the time has its downsides.”

There were some truths I told him, but also many lies. The Demoman being one of the few truthful incidents my body had succumbed to. The rest were far harsher stories that the man had no need to know about.

Again, we were making more useless and unneeded small talk.

The water started to get cold as I told Sniper that I finally had enough. He helps me out, grabbing the sides of my arms as I exited the tub. However, as he backed up, the man’s footing seemed to have slipped on him as he fell, landing on his backside. I came down with him, landing on top of his shoulder.

There we lay, my wet body soaking through his clothes. It seemed awfully long for the man to move again, far long. I wanted off him, but he ended up wrapping an arm around me, holding me ever so closer. My faced ended up being buried deeper in his neck, hearing his heavy breathing as well as feeling the movements of his chest beating up and down against my own. This was getting most uncomfortable as I just wish myself dry.

“Enough!” I shouted, forcing myself off his grasp. The man gives me the most devastated look over, like he did not understand what he did wrong. I cared little of how he felt as I pushed myself up with my legs, being able to stand again without his help. But as I take a step forward, Sniper hurried up, hugging tightly against my backside and keeping me in place. “Monsieur!” I groaned, backing my shoulders into him. A hand drapes down my stomach, moving closer to my groin. “I demand that you let go at once!”

“Please, just let me do this!” He suddenly shouts at me the more I resisted. He placed one hand firmly on the length of my dick while the other held tightly around my stomach. The man was eager as he started pumping his hand up and down. It was rough, as I could feel the weight of his arm shake on my elbow. The man was obviously not experienced as the jerking was awkward. He was pulling my foreskin back far too much and it started to hurt more than pleasure me. And not only that, his grip was quite tight and it honestly made my stomach churn.

“*Wait a minute!* You are hurting me, monsieur!” I speak French for a moment before reverting back to English again. The man did stop, but he still held onto my body tightly.

“Spah, just… just tell me what am doin’ wrong! Please!” There was desperation in his voice. In a way, I wish I had stayed quiet or hoped he enjoyed in my wallowing. While I was use to giving, receiving was another story. Some mercenaries cared little of foreplay, less a simple mouth or hand. They liked control, power, like to see another man squirm and beg as they fucked them restlessly. I despised being pleasured and touched by another, especially one who was so… soft.

Calmly, I answered, “Lighten on the grip. And take it slower.”

Again, he continued, following my orders as not only his grip was lighter but his movements were much slower. I keep my mouth shut to avoid making unwanted sounds. While somewhat better, the man still lacked the experience. Movements were irregular, slowing and hurrying again at the strangest of times. I have no clue how this man handles himself, but he must know that this way was nowhere near pleasant.

I dreaded this encounter lasting more than a minute, so I complained, “I said slowly, keep the pace slow and repetitive!” Sniper’s hand stopped again as he heaved a wearily sigh. He seemed nervous, unsure if he should move again. I doubt he would let me go now, so I will have to act gentler with him if I wish this over. “Sniper, do you truly wish to pleasure me?”

There was a pause before Sniper finally stuttered out, “Ye… Yeah.”

“Try and keep a steady pace if you can. And again, slowly.” Sniper nods, taking in a big inhale of air. He continued again, slowly jerking his hand. It was still quite unpleasant, but the man was trying, maybe trying too much. I was really unnerved by how fast he became so passive. He should just throw me down, beat me senseless again and have his way on me. Granted, I did not wish this from him either, but it was not the most traumatizing experience I had succumb to.

With a loud swallow, Sniper mutters, “Does that feel good?” This was tricky, as I did not wish to dishearten the man’s actions any further. But at the rate he was going, it would be many minutes for me to get even slightly hard. The slow response I was giving Sniper seemed to be enough of an answer as he swore softly to himself.

“It is fine.” I hurried my words, giving the man such a boring neutral reply. How clumsy. It did not help his self-esteem at all as he once again stops. This was getting nowhere. My body will be dry before we finish this awkward situation.

Without thinking, I turn my head around, pressing my lips against his. The angle was a little awkward, but I could hold it long enough for several more kisses. The man was surprised, letting me attack his defenseless mouth with ease. His lips parted back, opening wide enough for me to take in his warm air. 

“Spah…” He muttered through his breath as he takes his hand off my dick, swinging me around for a better kiss. Though I finally found freedom, I did not stop kissing the man, nor did I try to pull away. My thoughts must be wavering on me, telling me to continue because I held these pleasures back for some time. Masturbating was an act I rarely did, only committing the vile act whenever it interfered with my work. I still did not want to be pleased by this man, so I will have to please myself on him.

We parted as the next action I did on the man was rub my groin into his pants, edging myself against his leg. At this point, I was humping him like a dog in heat. His pants felt rough, but they tickled the right nerves and sent itching pleasures throughout my body. Sniper’s hands traveled down my back as I did this, going all the way down to my lower bottom. He gave a rub down to my ass before giving it a tight squeeze at varies intervals.

“Aah–!” A small unfortunate squeak came out from me. I struggle with the ropes behind my back, wanting to place my hand over my mouth to stop the shameful noises.

“It’s gotten so big.” Sniper was taking in the sight as he watched my member grow in size, amazed how I could get hard on rubbing alone. I just wish for the man to keep quiet while I did this, but I could not properly speak without wheezing out another moan.

I watch the tightness of Sniper’s pants grow right in front of my eyes. His dick pleaded to be let out again; once was not enough to contain such edging pleasures. The man eagerly unzipped his pants, his dick flinging out from the slit and next to my own. As embarrassing as it was to admit, the man’s dick was bigger than mine, if only by a few inches.

Suddenly, I felt firm wetness touch upon my cock as I watch Sniper grab a hold of both of are members, rubbing them together.

“Arretez– Wait– Ah–!” I cried, feeling his rough warm length press against my own. He jerked, starting from the top until hitting the bottom of the lengths.

There was little I could do to stop him as I just watched intensively down with him. Sniper continued stimulating our dicks together. The pressure of his hand felt lighter, perhaps because he had to hold two dicks instead of one now. For once, the touch felt good.

As he did this, he again dug his fingers into my buttock, groping and rubbing the flabby flesh. The tingling pleasure bucked my hips forward ever so slightly, making me thrust inside his hand, making both of us huff out a moan in response.

Small whispers of my name echo through my ears as Sniper grunted and moaned for me. My own cries were escaping more frequently now as I dug my head into the man’s shoulder, spewing hot air against his neck.

“Haah… Spah.” Again he called for me, begging me closer and wishing for my warmth. The low growling sounds he was making were really riling me up, bringing me on edge.

Even though I wish not to come from the man, small droplets of semen spilled out from me none the less. I was very much close, and the intense throbbing from the man’s own cock was the same.

“Aah–!” I gasp out, hitching my head upward as I stare at Sniper, finding that he was already staring back. He then moved his head in, covering my mouth with his. Teeth clanked together only once before we opened wider for the other, our tongues brushing against the others insides. We squirmed about as we kissed, inching ever closer until finally wheezing heavily through our noses.

We came together in his hand, our semen mixing with the others as it spilled through the cracks of his fingers. Our moans were still covered by the others mouth as we twitched about in place before finally settling down again. We gasped out as we freed the other, strings of saliva parting from our lips.

My legs were giving out as Sniper held me tighter, keeping me from falling towards the floor. The two of us stood there, exhausted, breathing heavily.

With a chuckle, he snuggles his head against mine and mutters, “Spah, I’m happy… happy that yah came.”


	10. Change

Sniper has changed, and not for the better.

Last night, I had to beg for him to leave and to go sleep in his own room instead. This was a place for prisoners and he had no reason to sleep on that hard mattress like me. Yet he wished to stay, wished for me close in this grungy place. And even after he finally agreed to leave, he went out of his way to bring me a pillow and blanket back to sleep on.

This morning, he came down and brought me some more food. Eggs, toast, and even bacon. It was most delicious, and I made sure not to spoil myself in the dish by taking bigger and less savory bites. Then after I was done, he asked if he could wash my clothes, telling me he had some spares he could lend me. I was able to refute his offer, but then he told me that he had the money to order me a new suit. When I told him the price, he thankfully decided against buying it all together. And again, he helped me in the bathroom, even brought his own toothpaste and toothbrush to brush my teeth. He even went and did my hair for me, slicking it back like I usually did it.

It was only when the sound for the end of ceasefire did the man finally leave me be. But not before giving me a soft kiss on the lips. It lingered for only a second before he parted away, giving me a warm smile over.

A situation like this was perfect for the man, because I could do little to stop his advances. I was unarmed and tied-up, and deep within enemy territory, with him being my only… acquaintance to care for my wellbeing. This is a predicament that could be easily solved that I refused to commit to. I told myself time and time again that Sniper is my enemy. He is an enemy that I not only showed pitied to, but mercy as well, and an enemy who I have committed sexual acts with willingly. Mere spurs of unfulfilled lust that I was more than happy to partake on. How low I have fallen.

I found myself awakening on the mattress. Wait, I awoke. How rare that I wake up without having a single nightmare. Considering the situation I am in now, nightmares are the least of my sufferings.

As I sit against the walling, I hear a loud ringing from above, cueing everyone that ceasefire had just started again. The short nap I had taken lasted quite longer then I realized. At least I did not have to deal with the monotonous boredom of just sitting here, doing nothing but count the cracks in the walls and ceiling.

The BLUs came back, quite utterly defeated as well. It must have been humiliating considering it was eight vs nine now. Though, in reality, in may as well have been eight vs eight with how unstable Sniper was.

Again, they started their interrogations.

“Come on now, I know yer kind hate this kind of livin’ style. No fancy bed, moldy food, no cigarettes, dirty clothes, nothin’.” The fixing man taunted over, doing his best to weasel any info I could give. The BLU Engineer was kinder in his words than the rest of the BLUs. They usually screamed, called me racial slurs or threatened me with violence. The only violence I have been through was by Sniper though, but it will only be a matter of time before someone’s temper gets the better of them.

The BLU sighs, looking as he was ready to give up for the day as I had yet to open my mouth over to him.

“Stubborn fellas, yah guys are.” He gets up from his seat, giving a shake to his belt as he starts to head out the room. I was going to let him on his way before something popped in my memory.

“Pardon, monsieur!” I call for him, wishing for his attention. He turns, walking back over and sitting down on the chair again. I had almost forgotten that I wanted to find out more about the BLU Engineer’s plans. The man held info I wish to know, and if he would like, I wanted to propose a deal.

“Maybe we can swap information? I am curious with what you are working on.” One minor thing could slip by, and I will gladly take the punishment if needed be.

“Really now?” The man thought for a moment. “Sorry, but I’ll have to pass on that offer.” It was worth trying, but I was not going to give up on the idea. Today, I will stop, but tomorrow I will ask him again.

Waiting for the man’s next say, he found himself just staring at me, almost distracted in a way. He scratches his chin and asks, “Lookin’ pretty bad today. Who beat yah up?” I had yet to notice myself, but the dry bruises from before still showed on my face and suit. If I told the man the answer, I doubt he would believe me. Maybe he would though, it is not impossible to think that a Sniper would release his pent up rage over a Spy of all classes. Still, I did not want to tell him, but to play with him.

I pretended to act all clueless and teased over, “I am not sure. Who do you believe sullen their hands on moi?” Engineer scratched his chin again, slightly keeping his mouth open as he thought to himself.

“Not one to really point fingers, but… Soldier-boy?” It was a reasonable choice, but way off the mark.

With a cheeky grin, I reply back, “If that is your guess, than that will be my answer.” The man just heaves a sigh, getting off from his chair.

“Alrighty, this ain’t goin’ anywhere.” The man grew tired of talking and started heading out of the room again.

“My offer is still up if you wish to change your mind!” He does not reply back as he finally disappeared from my view.

Minutes pass as someone else entered. Finally, it was Sniper.

He quickly grabs the chair, sliding it closer to me. He then placed a hand on my cheek, rubbing his thumb gently across it before taking it off again.

“No one has hurt yah, have they?” He asked, sounding concern.

“Just the usual mental beating.” I humored over, trying to calm his worries.

“I wish I could do more to help, I really do.”

Sniper then went silent, looking as though he was having trouble on what to say, less do next. Though, I could tell by his expression he wished not for harsh words or brute force, but for more lecherous deeds. In a way, that could be a form of torture on its own, but Sniper lacked much skill or confidence to do it properly.

“Well? Are you here just too waste time?” I hurried him on, wishing for him to do something besides just sitting in utter silence. He still had to do his part for his team after all, whatever way possible.

Finally did the man decide on his next course of action as he came closer, laying his hands on my neck and pressing his lips against mine. I had little choice in the matter as I just let him have his way, opening my mouth for his. It was amateurish work the way he kissed me, letting the kisses either linger too long or end too short. 

He then lowers down to the middle of my neck, nicking into my flesh. A soft groan passes my lips as I squeeze my eyes down. Such softness was a cover up, a way to show he was doing something right. Harshness before did not work with the man, and it only harmed me in the end. A more passive, and submissive attitude would work best here, even if I loathed myself for acting like this.

Shyly, I muttered, “Nnh… Monsieur, if your team has noticed the bruises, they will notice these as well.” The man’s only reply was another nick to my neck, letting the bite stay longer than the others.

My body was quivering to his touch now as I feel his rough hands slide up my suit, making the buttons snap off from the stretching. He went from my waist to my ribcage, brushing his fingers against the thin line of bone. Further did he move his hand up until his fingers brushed against my nipple, still soft to the touch. He rubbed with both his middle and index finger, circling around and pinching ever so slightly. “Aa–!” My face flinches as a moan passes by my lips. Even when pretending, my nipples were always such a troublesome weakness of mine. “Mo- Monsieur, if you touch there…” My voice started to plead for the man, wishing to be touched by him even more.

But he stops. “Haah… Monsieur?” I pant out, keeping up the act just in case he continued again.

“Spah, yah don’t need to act like this now.” He muttered, frowning ever so sadly at me. It was most fast how he saw through my charade. The subtle was lacking, perhaps because I thought the man cared little of my own feelings. Sniper sighs, moving away from me, seeming disinterested now in continuing.

Returning to form again, I spitted, “So we are done now?” If the man wishes to do nothing, he had no reason to be here.

With another pause, he then tells me, “I got worried. I got worried when Engineer told me yah were takin’… offers.” He may have talked with the fixing man before coming in here. Knowing how this man is, he may have taken it the wrong way. Though, if he thought that, then he must really think that low of me. The man has the utter gull to act so soft in front of me!

I held a most uncaring demeanor and asked, “Oh, you think of me as some degenerate?” His eyes shoot open as he shakes his head.

“Huh? Naw, naw, never!” He tries to defend himself, but I saw through him. He thought I was offering Engineer my body. He probably thinks I would easily offer my body to his entire team as well, like some kind of toy.

“Did you wish to see me used by your entire team?”

“I never meant anythin’ like that, Spah!” Again, he tries to defend himself. Imbecile. Hah, stupid imbecile.

I show off a smirk and laughably say, “You know, perhaps I should do that. The next time I see monsieur Engineer, I will _‘offer’_ plenty more opportunities.” The man stares, not sure what to say.

Slowly, he stuttered, “Wha… Why?”

“Why not? That should not matter to you, correct?”

“But, Spah, yah don’t–!”

Firmly, I told him, “Do not act like what we do is something special, monsieur bushman. You are not the first person I have bedded with, nor will you be the last.” What I told was not a lie, but something I had not done in quite some time.

It has been many years since I last had sexual intercourse. My urges one day just disgusted me more than please me, so I stopped unless needed be. I have been careful and smart in my plays. I have even risked my own wellbeing, so not to fall down that road of shame and debauchery again. Whatever purity left inside me is gone, blackened, and destroyed. The man had every right to judge, because my past self would eagerly give every shred of dignity to taste the fountain of ecstasy again.

Sniper did not even look at me anymore, his face down casted by the shadow of his hat. “Who is next again? The boy? I bet he will be more than happy to have someone suck his dick, do you not agree?” I continue to harass Sniper, wishing for him to do or say something– anything!

Finally, he spoke, “I… I don’t want to see yah usin’ yerself like that. Yer better than to go that low.” Truly, was that the best Sniper could come up with. Better. Hah, haha, better than to go that low– DO NOT MAKE ME LAUGH! Sniper knows nothing of me, and I did not need to hear any generic sentences of compassion and support. I have heard it all already.

Again, I say that phrase I have asked plenty of times before, “So what is your excuse? Why should I treat you any differently from anyone else?”

He clears his throat, “Spah, I really do care for yah, that’s why I’m doin’ all this. I know I’ve done some bad to yah and… and I wish to make that up! Honest.” And here it goes again. “Even I don’t fully understand most of this myself, but I’m tryin’, I am. Just… Piss, what I’m tryin’ to say is that I like bein’ around yah and...” Merde, do not say the word.

With another clear to his throat, he finally says it, “And I really– I really love–”

“Stop talking such vile rubbish RIGHT NOW!” It was nothing different, nothing new, all the same lines and tones. No more, I wish never to let THAT malicious word brush my ears ever again, especially from someone like HIM.

A huff, then a laugh.

I started laughing, hysterically even as the man just stared at me, widen eyed and frozen in place. “Ahaha! Come, come, no need to be so coy, I know how this all goes down! We tell a few laughs, cry out some dark truths, and question our feelings for the other before finally ending up in bed together, sweating and panting the others name in our uncontrolled lust!”

Sniper held silent.

“–‘It feels so good inside me, monsieur’, ‘Please come inside me, monsieur’, ‘Never stop fucking me, monsieur!’ That is what you wish to hear from me, monsieur bushman?!”

Again, Sniper said nothing.

These games have reached their limit, and I wish nothing more of them. The man was just delaying the inevitable and wasting my time. Do it; deny my allegations, attempt to pleasure me again, yell at me, beat me, choke me!

**Rape me!**

“Just stop all this cuddling already and use me! Use me! Play with me! Fuck me already, monsieur Snipe–!!”

Sniper threw out a hand. My face ended up flinching back regardless, scared to witness his next move.

I felt nothing.

I tasted nothing.

But I heard something, the soft rustling of cloth. I open my eyes, watching Sniper fiddling my clothes back together, hiding away the lustful act he just committed moments ago.

Finished, he stands. And just leaves.

Again, I was alone.

I sat there in silence with only my thoughts to keep me company.

How unexpected. He did not retort back, nor did he complain. Or attack me, or yell at me or… he did nothing. Sniper did nothing. He just stopped, and even fixed up my clothes.

Even my thoughts were leaving me now as creeping regret was wallowing inside my chest.

…I wonder if the man will bring me anymore food.


	11. Beauiful

Again, interrogation ended on the boy, who again foolishly believed whatever I thoughtlessly made up. It was not even fun this time, just sad.

I spent the rest of the hours just resting on the bed again. It was nice, because I do not get many opportunities to just lie down and relax.

My eyes shuttered open as I look over at the pillow. Thinking now, the pillow and blanket Sniper left me before were pleasant to have. With a yawn, I snuggle my head deeper into it, wishing for more sleep as I close my eyes. Even if I was not all that tired anymore, just lying down and letting my mind run free was quite relaxing. I was not one for imagination, so I usually take this downtime to think over new battle strategies before falling into deep bliss.

However, all I could think about right now was Sniper.

I wish to speak with the man again, in hopes we could settle a reasonable proposition with the other. Perhaps an exchange of secrets that neither teams needed to know about. He could tell a lie, not so much that it would be one-hundred percent false, but false enough so the info did not come back to me. I believe he would be more than willing to do that, and… and I also believe we have an equal amount of footing to trust the other.

But after this, we will go back to being enemies once more.

Shame, I guess we will never know who won our little competition in the end.

I then hear the sounds of footsteps as I open my eyes and turn around on the bed, waiting patiently for the figure to enter the room. It was most likely Sniper again, hopefully bringing me more food because I was most hungry.

As the figure finally passed the wall obscuring my vision, my eyes widen a bit in surprise. It was not Sniper but the BLU Spy.

Slowly, he walked over before stopping in front of me, hands behind his back.

“Greetings, monsieur.” His greeting was formal and polite, a rare sight to see from ones enemy, even for a rival Spy. Thinking now, I have yet to speak with this man since our encounter the previous night. His turn for interrogation may have ended before he even got a chance.

With a grin over, I ask, “Greetings as well. Have you decided on some more torture today?”

“In a way. Get up.” The politeness ended quite fast as he starts to order me around. I shrug my shoulders at him before just turning to my other side and yawning out loudly.

“Excuse me, I am most tired and I wish to stay here.” The Spy harshly grabbed one of my arms, forcing me up before dragging me over towards a chair near the desk. Throwing me in it, the chair bounces back slightly as he slams his hands on the seat’s edges, stopping it in place. Grunting from the pain, I flicker my eyes closed for a moment before looking over at the man. He was hunched forward, face just mere inches away from mine.

“Sit in my friend, because we will be together for some time.”

“No one else is coming?” He stands up straight again as he placed his hands behind his back.

“Non. I requested that I spend the entire day getting any juicy information from you.” I end up chuckling, finding myself amused that he used a word such as _‘juicy’_ over to me.

“I am flattered, but you are wasting your time–”

“I wish to talk about more personal matters.” The man’s tone suddenly grew more serious. He hunches forward, his face uncomfortably close once again. He had an unsettling aura the more I looked at him. Unemotional and darken, the look of a man who wish to commit the most vile of deeds without a single care for the other’s wellbeing. “Why did you miss? It was the perfect shot for a kill. Do you care for the man? Is that why you showed him your face? Is that why you could not shoot him?”

It was obvious that the BLU Spy found me out of my crimes, and what I did to Sniper to make him start acting like this. With all the questions he asked, I sadly could not give a proper answer to any of them.

“I apologize, but I do not know.” The man snorts.

He whispers over, “There is no need to lie to me. We **love** doing this. We were made– non, _created_ for such purposes.” I do not retort back, because there was nothing to say.

He is right.

Spies’ were masters of deceits, disguises and lies. They go into the heart of the operations and cause havoc on their enemies’. They destroy vulnerable equipment, steal viable information, and create false documents and papers. But Spies’ do not only harm things that are inanimate. They harm people from within. They tarnish their hope, break their spirit, and destroy their innocence. And what is left is an empty husk; hungry, thirsty, begging for more.

“How many men have you left _broken_? How many have you given mercy and _killed_?”

Too many to even count, less remember. I fucked men, gave whatever desires they wished from me, broke their hearts and left them to rot away alone._ Broken_. They always changed, for better or for worse. My life has been in danger committing such lecherous deeds, and many of those times where even I lost myself in such wonderful pleasures. But it is what I did. What I enjoyed most. What I despised doing. Yet again, after all these years, I ended up doing it again. To Sniper. And he is fighting against me the best he can.

“You know, I am the same.” He then tells me, breaking my concentration. “I have broken many men the same until it became… too dissatisfying. There is no **love**, no happiness, no joy. It may feel good down there, but it does not feel good in here.” He touches the back of my head and brings my face closer to his chest, right where his heart lied. It was beating franticly, far more franticly than any normal heart should. “Do you feel that? My heart is pounding like **crazy**. Why do you think that is?” His words were unnerving, frightening in a way. This man is a danger, more of a danger than I first believed. He wishes to harm me, in whatever way possible. Whatever that reason is, let it be for his team, or himself, or even Sniper.

He wanted to break me.

Wishing nothing more from him, I threw my head up as I banged hard against his jaw. The Spy snarls before throwing me aside, making me fall towards the ground as I landed with a low groan. Glaring down at me, he rubbed his jaw before digging his tongue in the insides of his mouth, most likely caring for the sensitive skin that he just bit into.

He then grabs me by my tie, bringing me up and throwing me back on the chair. With his hands on the chair’s edges again, his cold eyes peer through mine. Soon, his hand touched my neck before grabbing the ends of my balaclava. The man showed no regret when taking my mask off. In fact he seemed quite delighted with how swiftly it tore off my face. He saw all that I had to offer and smirked widely. He brought his hand to my cheek, stroking it.

He whispers close to my ear, “It was risky showing off such a **beautiful** face.”

Then he kisses me.

Unlike Sniper before, this man was trained for this. Even trying to fight back, he knew all counters as well as the weaknesses. He was already forbidding airflow through me as he pinched my nose shut. His lips pressed against mine, forcing their way through as my teeth clicked against his. He knew I had to open them eventually. And my mouth sadly did as it opens wider, gasping out as I succumbed to the airs he offered. My mouth was defenseless as I even could not bite down without biting my own tongue as well. He tussled and twisted our tongues together, letting us taste the other’s flavor. Minus the slight taste of blood, it was no surprise that the man had a sweet minty nicotine taste to him as it was the same for me. Or, that was what I thought.

With a lick to his lips, he tells me, “My, my, have you been busy.” The bushman’s taste was different from my own and I had yet to realize that the scent of him was still lingering on me. A similar scent of cigarette we held, but harsher, more burnt. That and the slight whiff of sulfur was enough to give me away. “Répugnant.” His tone was harsh, low and filled with bitter rage and disgust.

The Spy then grabbed me by the throat before turning me around, pushing me against the table next to us. He stood himself behind me as his groin pressed against my buttock. He takes a finger over my back, letting it slide from my shoulder to the end of my tailbone. The weird pressure made my backside flinch up as my behind hit against his groin. He chuckles, moving his head closer and whispering, “You are quite sensitive from another’s touch.” The finger turns into a hand as he slides it down my buttock, caressing a cheek. I wheezed out, feeling the tingling of his fingers just touch my body. “Do you have trouble pleasing yourself?” I say nothing in response, not wanting to please whatever desires this man wished of me.

The Spy starts to unbutton my suit, letting it drop down my arms. His hands then slid underneath my vest and shirt, pushing it upward slightly, exposing the bottom of my abdomen. His fingers brushed against my soft nipples as I get a good feel of his rough leathered gloves. The mutter of moans slip past my lips as the man steadily brushed his fingers over them again, not so much stroking or pinching but merely teasing them with his slight touch.

He goes for my pants next as he does not bother to unbutton them, taking a firm hold on the edges and forcing them down, taking my boxers with it. His hand once again caressed against my buttock before giving a harsh smack to it. I grunt, feeling a warm stinging sensation below. The Spy laughs as he does another smack upon me, making me grunt even louder as I dug my face into the table.

After he finally stopped his smacking, I then hear him fiddle around in his pants pocket. I expected nothing good to come out from it as I start to pull against my ropes, in fear my life was going to end right here. When I went to look over what he held, it turned out to be a small bottle of lotion. Snapping the top off, he poured the liquid between my butt cheeks. Mutters spill from me as I feel the cold slimy texture drip down my thighs.

He then again goes through his pockets, hiding something tightly in his palms. Lowering his hand near my behind, he starts to push some sort of small object inside my anus, inserting his finger a little so the object deepened further in. I had no clue what this object was, feeling little of its presents inside me.

“What was that? What did you just put in me?!” I clumsily expressed my emotions, afraid what the man was trying to do. He just rubbed the back of his hand against my cheek, shushing me quiet.

We stay there for a moment as the man did nothing but stand behind me. It was like he was waiting for something to happen. And indeed, that something finally released inside me. My body began to shiver and I start to pant aloud, feeling burning warmth surged through. Merde, the man was truly serious if he wished to force my pleasures out. Eventually, these tingling urges overwhelm me as I grow an erection below.

The Spy chuckles, “Excellent,” and continues.

Gently he pressed a finger at my entrance before inserting it inside me again. Digging and pushing ever so deeper, he searches for the one spot that would rile my body up.

“Aah–!” I cried out. He had finally found my prostate as he pressed hard against it.

He whispers closer, “Ah, right there?” He pressed on it again, holding the finger there, making my body twitch franticly in place.

The man was skilled for sure as he swiftly went to work rubbing and teasing below, making me tremble and whine with excitement. “It is rare that I find myself pleasuring another Spy of all classes. Seeing such erotic expressions in person is magnificent.”

“Haah–! If you wish to fuck me, just do it already!” I cry out, wishing for the man to stop his playing and just have his way on me already. He stops his movements as he just looks at me, confused, showing some emotion on his face for once. His cheeks puff up, spitting out soft puffs of air before finally going into a hysterical mix of laughter and snorts.

“Ahaha! Did you honestly believe I would **fuck** a **RED** such as yourself?! No, no, I am just getting you ready for someone else,” he exclaims, finally settling down, his face uncomfortably close to mine as he gave me a wide grin over.

“Aahhh… You said you had me all for yourself?” The BLU showed me a more unsettling smile and cold stare.

“Someone needs to bring you food.”

There was a realization in me, one I foolishly did not think of before. I then see the shadow of another figure entering in as a fulfillment of dread washed over me.

Spy picks his head up and says, “Monsieur Sniper, I am so glad to see you join us.”


	12. Pleasures

I softly gasped as I turn my head over to Sniper. The man was in a distress as his head shook about, almost dropping the tray from his hands, having trouble knowing where to look.

Happily, the BLU Spy continued on and said, “Come, come, and put the tray on the table.”

The enraged emotion was showing through Sniper’s eyes. He wanted the throw this man off me, perhaps even give him a few punches whilst he did so. But he could not do that, for he had no reason to. The BLU Spy was his teammate and he was just torturing me in a way others dared not. There was nothing he could do but watch me get assaulted by this slimy assassin.

Sniper does as the Spy commands him, placing the tray of food on the table next to us. The Spy hurries me off the table, exposing myself at the man for a moment before placing me on the chair again, not even bothering to fix my clothes as everything remained open and dirtied. “Monsieur, I do believe the man needs help eating. Shall you feed him?” Sniper glances at us before looking away. His cheeks were beaming red as he rubbed a hand down his mouth.

“Sp-Spook, this is…!” He stuttered, clearing his throat before looking at the two of us again. “Ain’t this a bit much?”

“If you feel uncomfortable, you are more than happy to leave.” Spy walks over to the table, about to pick up the plate as Sniper stands in front of him.

“Naw, it’s… It’s fine. Di-Disgusting, but fine.” The fool was making it obvious that this bothered him, and not in the way he would want us to believe. Spy backs away, shrugging his hands out before coming over to me again. Sniper fidgets with his hat before picking the plate from the tray, bringing a chair closer to where I was.

Awkwardly he sat in front of me, keeping a steady hold of the plate in his hand as he scooped up some meat inside a bowl. There was only one thing on the plate and it was a giant steaming pie filled with meaty chunks and vegetables. Perhaps it was that meat pie he mentioned a while back. While unpleasant to look at, it did smell quite good.

Clearing his throat, he demands, “Open yer bleedin’ mouth.” His voice was rougher than usual, almost acting like his old self again. But it was a mere ploy. If the BLU Spy was not around he would not even think about talking down at me like that.

I do as he commanded, opening my mouth only slightly before the spoon rams into me. It scraped against the insides of my mouth before dropping the warm food down my throat. I forced myself to swallow as I started coughing out. There was a soft mutter as Sniper apologized under his breath, pulling the spoon out again. He wished not to be rough, but being gentle with me would cause suspicion.

Spy stands behind me, letting his hands drape down my chest.

“Did you make this yourself?” He asks over to Sniper, continuing to rub his fingers in circles around my chest. The man jerked in his seat, trying not to stare as he went for another spoonful.

“Yah...” Spy then eyes back to the mattress, taking note of the clean pillow and blanket before looking back at Sniper.

“How nice of you to treat the enemy with such hospitality.” His tone was sour, irritated even.

“Even if he’s the enemy, he needs the basics. No man should sleep without a blanket over them.” Sniper retorted an excuse. Whether the Spy truly believed him, it did not matter, because all he was doing was provoking the truth out. The fact that he did not even ask if Sniper brought the pillow and blanket himself proved so. That and it was a test to see how the man could handle being in such a tense situation.

With another shrug over, Spy focused his attention on me, letting his fingers unconsciously touch and move all over.

Sniper motions his spoon, demanding for me to open my mouth. I did not want to cause the man trouble, but I did not want my mouth assaulted again either. Stubbornly, I turned my head, rejecting the offer. “Open yer mouth…” He asked, the roughness of the voice fading a little. The man was already showing pity, and he had yet to really do anything bad. Turning my head back at him, I hesitate a little before slowly opening my mouth. He waited this time, but not so much that the Spy would take notice.

He inserts the spoon.

“Ahh–!” But I ended up coughing out by accident as I felt the Spy’s fingers touch a vulnerable spot below. The spoon dropped on the floor and the food slipped down my chin. It burned, making me wince out in pain. In a panic, Sniper quickly went over to the table and grabbed a spare napkin on the tray, wiping away the hot strings of food running down my chin.

“Ya-Yah freakin’ gross, yah know that?! Chew properly when I’m feedin’ yah.” Sniper swallowed hard, trying his best to yell without his voice cracking on him.

“We offer you a free meal and you do not want it? How selfless. Sniper, throw it away.” The Spy motions his hand at Sniper to leave the room so he could dispose of the food. Sniper finished cleaning my face before giving a look over at the Spy.

“But, he needs to eat–”

“The man wishes not to eat. Throw it away.” Again, he motioned Sniper to leave.

“It’s because yer touchin’ him like that!” He argued, trying to make up an excuse so the Spy would stop touching me.

“But how else will I get any information from him? Verbal and physical abuse have done nothing for us so far, we need to go further.” Spy played along, seeing how slowly the man was losing his cool. “Just throw the food away already, or eat it yourself.”

Sniper did not retort back this time as he hanged his head low. He stood up and then walked over to the table, laying the plate and dirty napkin on the tray. And then he just stood there awkwardly, unsure what to do now that his purpose here was over.

“You may leave monsieur. I wish to be alone with this **RED** for the rest of the day.” Sniper said nothing, nor did he glance back as he just stood there. Spy chuckles, paying close attention to me again. “All this touching and playing... Perhaps you need a push in the right direction.”

There was a sudden click as I see smoke surround me before dissipating away. Instead of gloves, there is only one glove. A half-glove. The Spy had changed appearance, looking similar to the RED Sniper that was on my team.

Faking his accent, he laughs, “Looks like I gotcha backside now, Spook!”

“Aahh–!” I yelp out as he runs a hand behind me, grabbing a firm hold of my ass again. “Mo-Monsieur, please…” Foolishly my mouth continued, my urges slowly controlling my thoughts. No, I cannot give into them now! Relax, I must relax.

“I always enjoyed it when yah squirmed for me.” He mutters, pushing his head closer to mine, sticking his tongue out to lick my cheek.

It was obvious he was trying to exhort his fellow teammate by looking similar to his sharpshooting rival, and I believe Sniper understood the same as the man turned around, his face fuming with anger. Sadly, he let his emotions get the best of him.

“Get that off yer face right now, Spook!” Sniper ran over to us, looking as he wanted to pull the man off me right then and now.

“Are you going to interrupt me? And if so, for what purpose?” Spy spoke again in his thick French accent this time.

With a slight pause, he complained back, “I don’t need you wearin’ my face when doin’ that!”

“Who said it was yours? I do not disguise as my own teammates.” The Spy smiles widely at the man. “Are you feeling **jealous**?” Sniper ended up stepping back a bit, taking a moment to think over his next sentence.

“Do-Don’t say such fuckin’ gross shit to me! I-I could care less about this filthy Spah!” He fumbled and stammered about, truly showing how unrelaxed and agitated he was.

“Oh, he is called ‘Spah’ and I am referred as ‘Spook’?” Sniper did not retort, seeming unsure how to reply now. The Spy smiles wider, showing the fake toothy grin that the Snipers’ always held.

Again, he changed his disguise as he appeared as the RED Medic now. “Should ze Doctor do some experimenting? Maybe yer a creep who like’s gettin’ fucked by younger boys? Skinny man like being hold in big Russian’s hands? Tell me yer kinks, pardner.” He changed appearances the more he went on, from Scout, to Heavy and lastly the Engineer.

“Enough...” Sniper suddenly spoke out, his tone low and harsh.

“Hm?” The Spy reverts back to the RED Sniper, giving the man his attention over again.

“I said enough!” Sniper had finally snapped as he grabbed the man, pulling him by his suit and bringing him up to his face. He snarled, looking intensely down at the man with utter hatred. Spy stared back with little emotion on his face.

Then, he changed into me.

Not only did he change color, his face was not covered with a balaclava. Even though what I saw was different from what Sniper saw, I could tell his imagination was filling in the blanks. The emotion of Sniper’s face seemed almost lifeless as he just stared blankly at the man.

Sniper then threw his hands off the man as he stepped back, wobbling backwards. Spy followed after. For every step back Sniper takes, Spy does a step forward. He only stopped once a wall behind him prevented him from going anywhere else. Spy stopped right in front of the man, close, but not so close their bodies would touch.

“Sniper, who do you see right now?” Sniper’s mouth opened, but nothing came out. The man was scared. Merde, this was all completely unnecessary! I was the one who was supposed to be interrogated, not him.

“Fine! If you wish something from me, I will tell you!” A small bit of info can slip by my lips, I just wish for this to stop. The man just ignored me though, not even giving me a glance back.

“An enemy? A… friend, perhaps?” Sniper shook his head, denying any of the allegations. Slowly, the Spy raised his hand towards the man’s face. “Perhaps more–?” Sniper smacked the Spy’s hand, not even letting the fingers hover close to his cheeks. He then pushed Spy away, hurrying into the open space in the room, digging his hands deep into his hair and hat. Sniper seemed at war with himself as he just shook his head violently, faulting in his steps as he had trouble even standing.

Spy stood there for a moment, perhaps a bit too long as he stared at the hand Sniper smacked away. He then finally removed his mask, letting it sit on the top of his head. He sighs all disappointingly at the distressed man, seeing through the truths that he tried to hide.

Sniper had fallen for me. He was lustful, needing, thinking only with his emotions alone. These were dangerous thoughts, not one a vicious mercenary should be having.

The Spy stepped closer, standing right behind the man. “Imagine making him yours every day. Constantly pleasuring you and draining away all those stressful needs that we all consciously suffer with.” Again, he played with the man, knowing full well of his emotional instability. He wanted to see Sniper turn, wanted to see if he would let his animalist instincts take over him.

Falling in love and pleasuring a woman was normal, it was part of human nature and it made sense. Falling in love and pleasuring a man… It was different. Strange. Obscene. Sickening. Possibly the worst thing you could ever do to another man. And yet Sniper wished to commit such a heinous crime. He wanted to pleasure me, to touch me and kiss me. But the man wanted one other thing most of all.

Sniper really wanted to fuck me.

Finally, Sniper stopped shaking as his arms fell to his sides. He turns, looking past the BLU Spy and over to me. I can see it in his eyes. The battle he was fighting so hard inside was done.

And he had lost.

Sniper walks over to me, reaching his hands out and wrapping his fingers around my neck. He moved his head in closer and smothered my mouth with his.

“Please, reconsider–!” I tried to get through to him, but he just continued on kissing me ever so deeply. The kissing was messy as neither one of us could keep our mouths opened or closed at the appropriate times. Lips tasted not only lips but cheekbones, chins, and even noses. Our faces were drenched in the other’s saliva as Sniper finally pulled away, gazing and smiling ever so happily at me.

He then kneels down lower.

“Aah–!” A cry escapes me as the man’s lips suckled the length of my cock. “Yo-You are better than this, monsieur!” What a foolish thing for me to say.

Sniper knew nothing of me, and yet I act like I knew everything about Sniper. In reality, neither of us knew much of the other. All we made was small talk to pass away the boredom, to do something new that was not just fighting and killing. How can one truly know a person when neither one knows the others name.

The inching burning sensation on my wrists disappeared. The ropes around my hands were suddenly gone. I turn my head back, seeing the BLU Spy standing right behind me, holding a knife and the bundles of rope he just cut. My hands were still clenched together as he takes the opportunity to slip the knife right into my palm. He then placed his hands on mine, giving it a good squeeze.

Hunching closer, he whispers, “Do it properly.”

He wanted me to stab the man right in the back. The man had succumbed to his lust, becoming a threat to not only himself but the people around him. Taste the fruit once and one urges for more. They become sick, lost, a former shell of themselves. An utter disgrace.

This was my chance. I could end it here; stab the man as well as the Spy and escape in the night when the rest of the BLUs were asleep. I knew their schedules after all and they would never know the better. There was also a chance they would be down two teammates, if they even respawned the next day.

But the knife would not even leave my backside. My body was numb, and I felt so utterly sick to my stomach.

No more.

I was so tired. Tired of this constant repetitive work of unfulfillment and dread I had to deal with every day. This job was becoming a living torture at this point, and there was nothing I could do to escape it. It was all I knew, what I have done for almost all my life. I was young and foolish, blinded by stories of secretive men who rescued helpless damsels and saved the world from nuclear explosions. Fantasy is nothing like reality, and I curse myself every day for not giving up when I had the chance. Now, I just wanted to sleep and not have to worry about the consequences that the next day brought. Wanted a normal life, wanted to feel love, and wanted to bring love in return.

I threw the knife on the ground as it clanged loudly against the cement flooring. Sniper stopped sucking for a moment as he looked over at it before looking up at me, quite puzzled, unaware that his life was in danger mere seconds ago.

Perhaps even I have given into lust. Maybe I even fell for the man. I cannot properly think. All I wanted now was to be pleasured, wanted to feel the warmth of another human being besides me.

For once, I wanted Sniper.

“Haah… Sniper…” For the first time, I begged out his name.

Sniper just gave me a smile in return as he continued again, pressing his lips on my length once more and kissing me down. Slowly he slicked his tongue to the bottom before coming up again, licking inside my foreskin. Reaching the head, he sucked on it before moving down, attempting to suck me off. It was obvious he had no clue what he was doing as he choked and coughed below me. The cluelessness was something of an enjoyment, surprising me whenever an urge of pleasure sparked below, making my body twitch. I was on edge for so long, I cannot last any longer than this.

With a loud wheeze, I came, spraying onto the man’s face as he retracted his mouth off me. The man continued his suckling though, only stopping as my dick finally stopped spurting semen. Even though I just came, I was still rock hard.

My eyes heavy down, truly witnessing the amount of white I covered his face in. He brushes a finger on the outsides of his lens, clearing his vision to see me staring. With a slow lick across his lips, he kneels up and kisses me on the mouth. I return a kiss of my own, savoring the taste of my own semen spread against my taste buds.

We continued making out as Sniper and I stood from the chair, the man forcing me back, hunching my backside against the table and pulling my legs around his sides. He fumbles with his clothes, taking off his belt and throwing it to his side whilst his pants and underwear dropped all the way to his ankles.

I stare down, seeing his erection fling upward at me. The man pressed himself against my entrance, rubbing ever so slightly against the wet outer edges of my anus. My body squirmed about, eager to take this man’s dick in full as I moved my hand below, stretching back some skin for easier access.

For once, Sniper did not hesitate as he just pushed himself through. The two of us groaned out, both feeling the tightness of the other. Sniper was able to insert his whole dick inside before he stopped in place, breathing heavily, mouth gaping wide open and quivering on the sides. His mind must be overwhelmed by this new pleasure. Silly man, he has yet to feel the true pleasures of sex.

Holding both arms around his neck, I whisper in his ear, “Move…”

He then began thrusting ever so quickly, not even pacing himself, letting his body take control of his mind. A stream of moans escaped both of us as the man jerked me back and forth on the table, unable to keep me still with his harsh movements. My legs locked together, squeezing tightly around the man’s backside, finally keeping a hold of myself as he continued pushing in and out.

“Haah–!” Sniper growled out with a pant, lost in such pure ecstasy. My mind was the same, only filled with thoughts of lust and joy. I loved it all, his reckless movements, his low growling, his itchy skin slapping against my own. Good. It was all so good.

I dug my head in the man’s boney shoulder as I opened my mouth, biting into the skin so hard that deep reddish imprints were left behind. Nothing we were doing was close to being gentle. Everything was harsh, loud, and painful. So wonderfully painful.

My eyes end up on the BLU Spy. All the man did was just stand there, just glaring over as he observed our lustful frenzy. Having an audience watching just made me even harder. It makes me want to lose control, makes me want to cry and scream in utter joy.

And I do cry out, “Aaah–! Sniper!” Without even realizing, I came onto the man’s stomach. It was hard to tell if I was close anymore, because my cock was still hard, still pulsing and twitching in excitement.

More, I wish for more, I wish to come more.

Sniper’s grunts grew louder as the thrusting below became even harsher, more unruly and wild. The pulsing I could feel inside told me he was close and he wished to come. With a laugh, I plead, “Hahh, go ahead, come inside!” I happily eager the man’s wishes as I clenched tightly below, not wanting him to pull out as he came.

“Haaah–!” In almost a howl, Sniper finally came, his thrusting halting to a stop, only moving forward whenever another spurt of semen spewed from him. My laughter continued as I feel his warm liquid push through me. I then placed my mouth on his, gasping his airs and tasting his saliva stringing from his teeth. He soon returned the same, sucking and licking from my teeth to my inner walls as he continued coming inside me. Slowly the man finished, but his heavy panting and moaning did not stop.

Sniper moved again.

Even though he just came, Sniper was as hard as I was. Once was not enough, we needed more. More pleasures, so many more pleasures.

He stood, carrying me up as I still held my legs tightly around him. He bounces me in his hold as he begins his quick thrusting once more.

“Ahah–! Don’t stop, Sniper! Ne vous arrêtez pas!” Again, I kissed the man, running my hands up his face, knocking his shades down to his nose and letting his hat fall off him. I could truly see the lustful expressions the man was making, filled with so much yearning, and so much joy. It was magnificent.

“Ahaa–! Spah!” Sniper repeatedly called for me, wishing me impossibly closer. Sadly, this was the closest I can ever be with him. I wish to call him back, but only rough moans would escape me now as any other words I try to cry out came up as nonsensical gibberish.

No proper thoughts. No thinking. Only pleasures.

This time, we came together, more of his semen filling me up as it started to drip down my thighs.

Not enough, this was not enough.

Sniper moved again.

His legs ended up giving way on him as he sat on the floor, making me sit on his lap now. His thrusting did not stop, nor did my bouncing.

Pleasures. Never stopping. More, I need more.

We came again.

Sniper moved again.

We came again.

Sniper moved again.

It was like all the pent up years were just flowing out from us, trying to breed the unbreedable. Going and going and going again. I do not know what we are doing now, because it did not matter anymore. I was being fucked by a wild man with no self-control or care.

Having another man touch me, caress me, pleasure me in such ways made it difficult to control my urges. It made me soft, sensitive, unaccustomed to such wild desires. And these desires… I absolutely loved them.

I must be losing my mind.

I think I am losing my mind.

Sniper, you are making me become completely insane for you. I never want this to end, I never want this man to stop, never want to care about anything else other than these pleasures! Sniper, never stop fucking me, even if I pass out, even if I die I never want you to stop fucking me! 

baise moi, Sniper.


	13. Team

I awoke on that dirty mattress, naked and alone, just staring at the wall next to me. It was of no surprise, because I did not expect Sniper to be here when I woke up. With a low yawn and grumble, I turn around, draping the blanket over my shoulders as I sit up.

But when I opened my eyes and looked forward, I found Sniper. The man was sitting at that table, dressed in only his pants, glasses and hat. He was looking down, his knuckles on his forehead as he smoked heavily on a cigarette. His legs were shaking most violently as well, like he was impatiently waiting about.

Bringing the blanket with me, I stood up and walked over towards the man. He seemed distracted as I stood right next to him, unware that I was even standing there. Leaning in, I give him a kiss on his ear. While his leg stopped shaking, the rest of his position changed little.

I whispered, “Good morning.”

“…Morin’.” There was little reaction in his soft tone, if any at all. I waited to see if he would say anymore, but nothing.

“Excuse me, but I wish to take a shower. Shall you join?” Again, the man said nothing back, nor did he tilt his head as a response. I wait, but nothing. After some time, I decided to just head over towards the washroom alone.

The amount that spilled out in that tub seemed unreal, at least for one man. It was inhumane how many times Sniper and I went on. The fact that I could even stand, less have proper thoughts anymore seemed almost impossible. I assume the training I went through helped keep control of my mental capacity, though I doubt all the classes were trained to overcome such indecency. 

I worried about Sniper’s mental health in all this. The man’s mind was working off lust and I was afraid that I would have to deal with him if his urges started flaring up. Maybe it is too soon to judge, he may be outside the washroom waiting, readying to push me down and have his way on me again. With no weapon on hand, I may have a hard time fighting him off.

The door opens suddenly, making my heart skip a beat in surprise. Perhaps he decided to join me after all. But as I looked over, I am caught by surprise yet again. Sniper was holding a towel and my clothes in his hands. He only glanced at me for a moment before setting the objects down on the edge of the sink. And then, he closes the door and leaves me be.

My eyes stare at the door for a moment before staring at the article of clothing. I truly do not understand what this man is thinking right now, less planning. Whatever it is, I cannot let my guard down just yet.

Finally clean of any vile liquids, I turn off the water and head out the tub. Carefully, I take the towel from underneath my clothes. But as I went to reach for them, I felt something strange. I could feel warmth touch the tips of my fingers. Not only the towel, but my clothes were warm like they were just dried. I take a closer look at my suit. It was most definitely a rushed job, but most of the grime and muck on my clothes had vanished. Smears of blood were still ingrained in the suit as well as some minor tears and cuts in the patches. Even a few of the buttons were missing. Why this man even bothered, I do not know. This suit is going straight into the trash once I leave this miserable place.

Taking the time to dry and redress myself, I stare over at the door again. Slowly, my hand reached out to open it, expecting nothing good as I walk back outside. Sniper was gone. How careless for him to leave me alone unsupervised and free. While I could try to walk out, I lacked the matter of weaponry. Of course, it would be foolish of me to try and escape being so defensiveless and… and quite tired, I will be honest.

Some time passes as I sat on that mattress, just waiting around for something to happen. There were times I ended up getting up and sitting down again, debating over if I should risk running out of here and back to freedom.

I hear steps from afar as Sniper returns. The man was properly dressed in his shirt now as he rounds the corner, holding what seemed to be a cardboard box in his arms. He places it on the table, motioning a hand over to me to come closer.

I stand up, only glancing at the box before asking, “What is this?”

“Yer things,” he muttered and sat back near the table, sitting down the same way I found him before. “Get outta here.” And again, he says nothing more to me.

After all that, the man decides to finally let me go. That seems unwise, and I do not believe the rest of the team knows what he is doing. There were many things I wanted to remark back over to him but I was lacking something. It may have been my lack of assertiveness, or lack of courage, or perhaps it was my self-consciousness that was holding me back from acting all superior and smug to Sniper. Everything I told myself before were not my true opinions, nor were they my true feelings. It was my lust, and my lust told utter nonsense and lies. Mostly lies…

I do not think ill of Sniper. He made mistakes, but that was on par of being human. I wanted to tell the man he still had some good in him, that even if he was a ruthless mercenary, he was still a person and not just some animal.

But I did not.

There is no reason for me to.

Sniper is my enemy.

So I said nothing back to him.

Rummaging through the box, I picked up my gun, examining it closely. It was empty– no surprise– but it seemed intact and even gleamed as I held it to the dim light. Even my knife had been washed recently as I can still see the smudges of water on it.

I glance over to Sniper.

The man had his back wide open to me. It was another grand opportunity for me to just stab him. But yet another opportunity I do not commit to.

Looking back through the box, I finally find my watch as I wrap it over my wrist. Looking at the screen, I find out the time– twenty minutes till six. I knew it to be early, but I did not think it was this early. Everyone on BLU should still be asleep. Though, with my watch back, I can properly get out of here without notice.

Again, I glance over at the man. I do not remember how long I was staring at him, but it was far longer than I should have.

Finally, I press a button and cloaked, my feet tapping loudly against the flooring as I run out of the base and outside towards my freedom.

After running halfway, I stop, exhausted as I uncloak on top of the third checkpoint. No matter, I am only a few yards away from the base, so I should be safe now. 

I inhale and exhale heavily, trying not to cough as I suck in the fresh air around me.

Another slow inhale.

Another slow exhale.

Bon dieu, I really need a cigarette.

_BANG!_

A sudden pop of a gun fires as I cough out, surprised.

“Hold it!” A gruff voice shouts over.

Even if the shot came from the front I still ended up looking back, worried that the bushman had followed me all the way here. No, it was not the BLU Sniper that shot, but the RED one. Turning back around I find him standing there, a coffee cup sitting on the ground next to his feet. It looked as if he was taking a morning walk until he spotted me stalking about.

His shouting continues, “Better have yer hands where I see them!”

I do as he commanded, holding my hands up in the air. Sniper slowly came closer to me before finally withdrawing his rifle down, taking a good look at my grimy suit and battered body.

His tone softens as he says, “Spook? That really yah?” The man looked like he had many questions, questions that were not appropriate to be asked right about now. “Shit, yah look like a bloody wreck, mate.” He started to move his hand closer.

“DO NOT TOUCH ME!” He quickly retracted it back, looking most shocked now from my sudden yelling. I never meant to yell, it was silly for me to yell at all. This Sniper was a completely different man. He was my own teammate, someone I could trust my life with. But their faces were too similar, their accents, the way they moved about. It was like staring at a carbon copy. Enough, I wish nothing more of this. All I wanted now was to rest.

“I… I should get yah back inside and let the Doc see yah. Come on.” He waves his rifle back, motioning me to follow. I heave a sigh, taking a step forward only to trip over my next. “Spah!” 

Perhaps I had yet to realize how much my body was aching. So many things were just going through my mind that pain seemed the least important thought to have. All that energy must have went into my yelling because I had just given up right there. How ridiculous. Ridiculous…

…

…

I awoke on the bed in the medical room. Slowly, I sit up, still feeling the stinging pain running through my body. Blinking a few times, I find the Doctor as he notices me.

“Ah, you are avake,” Medic said, tapping a finger against a tube filled with blood. Most likely my blood judging by all these wires attached to my body. I must look like a miserable wreck.

I hear a chair screeching against the floor as I look to find the bushman, sitting up from his seat and placing his hat back on his head. The man walks a few steps closer, looking quite awkward, struggling to even open his mouth.

“Ehm… Doin’ a’right, Spoo– Spah?” He sputters but still corrects himself, trying to not offend me with that childish name.

I talked little with the man, even for his unfortunate status of being the so called ‘leader’ of the team. What words were said were the same as the boys, only being casual discussions and remarks. Just looking at his clumsy attempts of worry or care irritates me. I turn my head as a response. Whatever the man was feeling now, I could not see it. All I could hear was an unclear mutter and a soft ruffle to his hat.

There is a sudden banging on the door as the doctor rolls his eyes and groans loudly. He hurries over to it, slightly peeking out and shouting, “Vhat?! Herr Spy? Ja, ja, he is avake.”

The loud patter of shoes, belts and buckles rush in the room as a giant crowd almost tramples over Medic and Sniper. Scout was the fastest– no surprise there– as he was the first to reach me.

With a slight pant, he asks, “Spy, ya alright dude?”

Before I could answer back, a hand slams against Scout’s face as he’s pushed away, replaced by the loud American rocketeer.

“Spy, what in sam’s hell did they do to you?!” Soldier boasted the loudest he could as his voice echoes against the walls.

“Hey, hey, don’t crowd the lad, he’s been through a lot.” Demoman came forward, placing a hand on the man’s shoulder.

“Take it easy, Soldier-boy.” So does Engineer, placing his hand on the man’s other shoulder, giving him a slight shake.

Pyro was the next to come over as he sat down what was supposed to be… frankly, I will be honest, what he laid on the bed was a pile of fingers stitched together, shaped into some form of animal like creature. Everyone either gagged or cringed as Medic came over, taking the dead pile of human flesh by his middle and thumb finger.

“Danken, Pyro. I vill keep zhis safe for him.” He takes the abomination over to the fridge where he held other assortments of cold, dead like flesh. The Doctor can keep that, I wish not to have it.

“Heavy worry about Spy. Knew Spy strong enough to not die, but still worry.” Even Heavy had something to say.

All their eyes were on me as they waited for me to speak.

I never thought about much of my team, but they all seemed worried one way or another. My conversations with all of them were all non-existent, short, one-liners and remarks. And yet they still cared for me like I was an important member of the team. How stupid. They are all idiots.

All I said back was, “I am fine.”

They all look at each other, muttering and whispering, trying to perk up a smile and fake a laugh over.

The voice of the Doctor’s overwhelms them, “Himmels willen– It is far too crowded in here!” He does a few claps, wishing for everyone’s attention. His eyes held on the bushman suddenly as he demands, “Herr Heavy, sense our _dear leader_ cannot do his job correctly, can you please assist zhese men outside so I may continue with ze patient?” Sniper did not comment back, just poking at his hat and pretending he did not hear.

Heavy nods, “Right, Doktor.” Everyone hears the loud crackles from Heavy’s fists as they quickly head out one by one, nodding and tipping their hats over to me before leaving. The only one who stayed was the boy, still looking quite upset with his head hanged low. His gloomy attitude did not last long as Heavy swoops him off his feet, carrying him on his side.

“Hey, what the–?! Watch the hands, big guy!” Scout complained as he was carried out the room, his voice echoing outside before disappearing completely. Now, it was just me and the Doctor.

I turn to look at the man, finding that he was already staring back, showing the most uncaring expression imaginable at me. He readjusts his glasses higher on his nose before heading over towards his desk, looking through his cabinets and drawers.

Still searching, he begins speaking, “Your serotonin seemed unnaturally high. Vere you given drugs?”

Calmly, I answer back, “I believe so, yes.”

He huffs, “I would think better of my medical comrade to give you such drugs.”

“My fellow assassin gave me them.”

He snaps a door shut and sighs, “Than he most likely knew no better.” There is a pause before he turns around, looking quite irritated now. “I know I have no say in vhat you do, but I find such actions your kind commit on most distasteful.”

I say nothing back, not wishing to start an argument if the conversation ended up leading down that road.

Medics’ were some of the few who knew what we did. This job is not the healthiest of professions, and one must insure proper checkups in case of unpleasant diseases. Some Medics cared little, while others enjoyed examining such illnesses so freely. Judging by how my teammate is acting and even looking at me now, he is most disgusted at the mere sight of me. If everyone else knew, they would see me the same.

Medic sighs again and walks back over.

“Proper medicine and rest and you will be good as new. “ He hands me some antibiotics as I take them. He then walks towards a medical sink nearby to fill a cup with water.

Pills sounded nice, but there was a different urge aching in me.

Cigarette.

I need a cigarette.

“Pardon, can you get me a cigarette–?”

He hurries back, shoving the cup in my face and shouting, “Nein! No smoking! You are a sick man.” I look at the cup and then back at the doctor before finally taking it.

Quietly, I replied, “Very well, Doctor.”

...

…

Dawn arrived as I awoke again on that bed. It seemed so strange to awake to the colors white instead of grey. My team had to go out again to defend, even the doctor. Judging by the sound of ceasefire, they were able to handle themselves well without me. Then again, they have not had a need for me for quite a while.

Yawning out, I sit up on the bed, relieved to feel the slight aching in my body finally disappearing. I would hate to have these pesky wires attached to me for more than a day.

Before I could stretch an arm out, the door suddenly springs open as I hear that familiar winey voice.

“Yo, stripes!” Scout greets, grabbing a chair nearby as he screeches it against the flooring. I wince at the sound as he stops it next to my bed. The boy sits down, holding out a foamed container. “I made food!” He pushes the container in my face before dropping it on my lap.

I blink a few more times before asking, “You made food?”

“Yeah,_ I _made ya some food,” he said again, sounding quite proud with himself. He bounces a little in the chair, eyes beading back and forth at the container then at me. I suppose he wishes for me to open it.

When I opened the container though, I could have sworn I saw a fume of dark smoke puff from it. Surely it was my imagination, it had to be. Until I saw what was inside.

There are no words to describe what the boy just brought me. The taste was equally indescribable as this _‘thing’_ was nothing close to being edible. I honestly have no clue what I just even bit into, less foolishly swallowed down. If the circumstances were different, I would think the boy was playing a mere trick on me. But the way he is smiling, hands tightly in fists, looking most excited to be praised from all his hard work. No, this was not a joke nor a dream, but sickening reality.

Scout cannot cook to save his life.

Calmly, I set the fork aside and tap my fingers together. I inhale and exhale again before finally speaking out, “Scout, I do not mean to offend, but this tastes absolutely terrible.”

“What?!” The boy looked quite surprised. He then takes the container and fork from me, harshly jabbing the plastic utensil and tearing off a part of his vile creation. “Your taste buds must be screwed up from all the frogs and fish eggs.” He takes a bite, and his face instantly soured up like he just sucked on a lemon for an hour.

The boy harshly swallows and coughs out, “Geh… OK, it’s more than terrible.” He closes the lid, freeing our noses and sight from the contents within.

Taking a moment to get my bearings together, I then ask the boy, “Scout, pardon, but why are you here?”

Scout just shrugs, “Oh, I dunno, I guess I was just worried and all. Ya went missin’ all of a sudden and came back lookin’ like this.”

I perk up a smile, “Scout, did you miss me–?”

“No!” It was an obvious lie, if not from his tone of voice but from the bright tint of red on his cheeks. I stared, continuing to hold the big smirk I had on my face, making the boy feel more awkward as his mouth quivered on the sides. Swiftly, he admits defeat, “OK, maybe I did or whateve’! Is that a problem for ya or somthin’?”

“It is more unusual than a problem,” I admit back. While I did talk to this one particular Scout on my off-time, I usually avoided such men for they are simply– to put it as nicely as I can– quite tiresome. They were some of the few mercenaries’ I rarely confronted, for many never needed me. And this boy was no different; he was far too carefree to ever need my services.

Scout spits, “Yeah, yeah, the snorting baguette man is too fancy to talk with the dirty– if awesomely handsome– peasant boy, I get’cha.” The boy tried to make his comment an insult, but I ended up snorting back at him.

Before the boy commented again, I tell him, “I appreciate your concern.” Scout closed his mouth, taken aback from my words and even glowing more red.

“Yeah, well… Whateve’. Don’t mention it, snorting baguette man.” he mutters, quietly adjusting his hat.

Truly, Scouts’ are one of the few classes I can never properly understand.

The boy’s eyes shoot up suddenly. “Oh, yeah, almost forgot.” He fumbles into his pants pockets, trying to reach for something. “I passed by Sniper on my way over here and he gave me this.” The boy throws whatever he had straight out from his pocket and over to me. I catch it, and to my surprise it was a package of cigarettes. “Dude said yah probably needed them.”

I take a moment to look at them before smiling again.

“Give him my thanks.” Scout returns a smile back.

The medical door swings open as someone else suddenly walks in with a heavy sigh. I look to see the Doctor, stopping where he was, angrily frowning at me then Scout.

“Scout!” The Doctor shouts over, making the boy’s shoulders jump.

Scout threw his head back before throwing it in his front again, biting his teeth together and hissing, “Aw crap.”

“Do I need to request Herr Heavy to escort you out of here?!” Scout was quick to jump off his seat, forcing a laugh, deciding it was his time to leave.

“Just leavin’, Doc!” The boy shouts back, giving me the finger guns before finally hurrying out the room.

The doctor mutters some German to himself before glaring back at me. He notices the container and hurries over, taking it away.

“You should not be eating such filth. I vill bring somezhing more healthy zhan– mein gott, what even is zhis?” He only peered in it for a second, but that was enough to make him gag and revolt.

Medic held the bag out as he headed out again, trying not to look less smell the contents that were inside. I wait a moment for him to leave before finally taking out the package I hid underneath my blanket.

The boy was a simpleton to the end, because I lacked the material to actually light the things. Still, I popped it open and nicked a bud, letting it sit between my lips. Even unlit, I could taste the slight harsh nicotine flavor it held. It was the usual Snipers’ brand after all, and I quite preferred it over my own.


	14. Relaxing

I dreaded going back out there, to see that man, to see how much changed since my absence. But not once did I see him. In fact, no one on my team has seen him for quite some time. My rival seemed absent as well. Strange, Sniper should not be skipping work less he wants to be deported out of here. Perhaps that is what he wishes to do. Maybe even the both of them.

Even with the two of them MIA, the game went on like normal. BLU could not even push pass the first point. It was quite saddening. Everyone on RED was having a blast, happily cheering away with how well the match went.

“Twenty-four damn kills’ in a row, can you believe that!?” The Bushman loudly praises himself. Everyone gave snide remarks or praise at the man, giving him the attention he seems to enjoy. He was being loud. How annoying.

Everyone headed back to base, but for me, I stayed behind, my feet taking me to my next destination.

My feet had a sense of humor, because they brought me to the same spot Sniper and I always sat in. Perhaps they were hoping he would show up, telling them his poor excuse in being late. Maybe Sniper would give them a bottle of cheap whiskey to make it up. What stupid thoughts for my feet to have. They cannot even drink, less speak. They are just feet.

Cher Dieu, what am I even saying anymore.

I puff out some smoke from my cigarette as I look up at the greyish clumps of clouds above. It looks like it will rain soon. With that on my mind, I hear the soft gravel of steps from afar as I turn my head. It could be anyone, but some part of me was hoping it was Sniper. To my surprise, it was no one on the BLU that showed up. It was Scout.

He greets with a hand wave, “Yo! We gotta stop meetin’ like this.”

I just give the boy a look of boredom as I replied back, “Scout, this is the BLUs side.”

“Yeah, I know.” He just shrugs.

With a shake and sigh back, I then ask, “What is it that you need now?” Scout seemed hesitant at first, distracting himself by digging his foot into the ground. Slowly, he walked closer, stopping to take a moment to grab something from his pants pocket.

“Here,” he says as he throws me a stack of, why, a stack of bills for some reason. I catch the stack, carefully examining it. Flipping through the paper, most of the bills were a stack of hundreds and fifties.

Curious, I ask, “Where did you get all this money? And why are you giving it to me?”

“It’s, err, the cash I won from some of the guys.” The boy seemed quite embarrassed telling me this. “We made a bet and…” He then sits himself next to me and continues chattering on, “OK, so, some of the guys were jokin’ how you were always so secluded and quiet and how you never join in any of the activities like the rest of us, right?”

I am caught off-guard as I fumble my words, “Uhm… Droit?”

“I’ll take that as a yes– Anyway, I told them I could get ya doin’ shit you don’t normally do. Shit like playing games or drinking– hell, just having a chat that lasted longer than a minute! Now, I wasn’t able to get you to drink or play games, but I got you talkin’ to me and that was all that mattered! Man, just goin’ up and talkin’ to you won me about fifty bucks a day, do you believe that?!”

Even if I was a little lost in his words, I had a decent understanding what the boy was telling me. He made some sort of bet against me and felt guilty. Such a thing did not even pop in my mind, mostly because there were far more important things to worry about. It seemed to really bother Scout though.

He continued blabbering on without me noticing, “–but when you went missing and that stupid BLU was talking about you I got all angry and pissed and I felt like a total jackass–!”

Finally, I interrupt with a hand over, “Boy, boy, it is fine. Your company did not bother me at all.”

The boy sighs, “I dunno, me just botherin’ you so I could get a quick buck or two seemed like such an asshole move. I didn’t even know what I was goin’ to use the freakin’ money for anyway. Well, I probably would have thought of somethin’ sooner or later, I dunno. Maybe some new hats, ya always need a new hat or two.” And again, the boy kept on rambling.

I keep to my thoughts, decrypting his sentences, looking for the important bits. BLU, the boy mentioned a BLU.

I tip some ash away and ask, “Pardon, you said a BLU mentioned me?”

Scout nods, “Yeah, their Sniper. That dick wouldn’t stop talkin’ about yah! Acting all happy-like– ‘Hoped Spy enjoyed his meal’, ‘I bet he was all cold last night’, ‘does a suit like his cost that much?’ It was freakin’ pissin’ me off!” He gives me a light jab to my shoulder and laughs, “Hey, I made sure to go hard on that bastard that entire game, don’t ya worry.” I say nothing back as I stare forward, watching as the sun starts to dim out in the horizon.

The boy knew no better. To him, they probably sounded like sentences of mockery. But in reality, the man was truly worried about me.

Scout rubs the back of his neck, looking as he wanted to ask something else. Personally, I do not wish to talk any more today than I already have. “Hey, it probably sounds all weird with me askin’ and all.” His voice sounded quite serious for once as he catches my attention. “That BLU didn’t do anythin’ weird or bad to you, did he?”

Again, I said nothing to the boy. I did not know what to say to be honest.

My mind faltered back and forth. Common sense and truth were being covered over by emotions and lies.

The man did everything wrong to me. Sniper yelled at me, beat me, and assaulted me.

The man did nothing wrong to me. Sniper fed me, washed me, and comforted me.

“Spy?” Scout seemed most worried as I just sat there in silence. The bud of my cigarette was building ash again as I flick it off.

Calmly, I replied, “I wish for this conversation to end.”

“Oh, sure, err…” He stutters about for a moment before trying to play off his awkwardness, “Yeah, yeah, totally not cool of me to ask, like, at all. Forget I said anythin’.” The boy did not get angry at me, understanding personal privacy for once. I wish he did bother me though. My questions needed answers, and my mind could not decide neither on the right or wrong ones. Now, there was a battle inside my head, fighting desperately for an outcome I did not know was.

The sky darkens some more as I could taste the cold air of the rain slowly come in. Flicking my bud away, I stand up and crush it into the ground.

“Here, keep your money,” I say, tossing the bills over to him. He tries to catch it, but it slides passed his hands as it falls on his lap. The boy looked at the money before looking at me again.

“You sure?”

“I am heading back,” I ignore his question and start walking. Scout throws the cash back in his pants pocket and hurries to his feet, following behind me.

We only take another step or two before he pesters me again, “Hey, ya goin’ to tell me why you were sittin’ out here?” My feet abruptly stop, making the boy almost run into me as he steps back, almost tripping himself. I turn around, looking pass Scout and at the ledge.

“It is… was relaxing,” is all I say to him as I continue my walking once more.


	15. Job

Rained patters against the building as I look out the base’s front entrance, watching as the light yellow dirt turns a darken brown.

A firm hand clamps my shoulder suddenly, shaking me about slightly.

“What’cha just standin’ about for, Spah?” A voice behind me happily says aloud. I turn to see not only the bushman, but the fixing man as well. “Rain makin’ yah feel down?”

Quietly, I replied, “I wish for a smoke.”

“That right?” The Bushman was quick to change the subject as he forces out, “Say, Engie and I are settin’ up a game and we could always use another wallet in the pile.”

“Do it while you can, stretche’s ego is gettin’ the best of him with all his kills,” Engineer laughs.

“Not like I was havin’ any issues from those BLUs before,” the man laughs back at Engineer before returning to me, showing a big toothy smile over.

I express little care at them before calmly replying back, “I wish to be alone.” Their happy faces go sour. The bushman takes his hand off me before placing it in his pants pocket.

“Right, will be in the respawn if yah wanna join us.” He says one last time before they both finally take their leave.

Ever since I fully recovered, many of my teammates have acted like this to me. Someone makes an excuse for me to spend time with them, and I make an excuse back not to. Perhaps they felt as guilty as Scout did before. At least the boy told me the truth, unlike them.

I rummage through my shoulder pocket and snap a bud from my cigarette case. It was the same pack Scout gave me some time ago, and there was only one left. I just stare at it for a moment before pinching it between my fingers and letting it sit on my lips.

Again, I kept staring out the front, watching the rain grow harsher by the minute. I motion my hands like I was inhaling and exhaling smoke.

The time, it was always around this time I went out to meet Sniper. It never rained like this, and a part of me wondered if he would wait for me at the spot, completely drenched in water and smoking on a wet cigarette. When intrigued would get the better of me, I would finally show up, my suit completely drenched and utterly ruined from the rain. Sniper would just turn his head, show me that toothy smile of his and say _‘Glad yah came, Spah!’_ A smile, a very small smile perked on my lips. What stupid thoughts. Sniper was foolish, yes, but he would never be so… so….

I left my thoughts, distracted by a figure afar.

My eyes widen, and my cigarette drops from my mouth.

I saw him.

Sniper.

BLU Sniper.

The man was just standing outside the base, near the third checkpoint, drenched head to toe with water.

Carelessly and without thinking, I run over, shouting out, “Sniper, what are you even doing out here?!” The man seemed to be in a daze before finally looking over, quite surprised to see me.

Softly, he replies back, “Oh, I… I really wasn’t expectin’ ya out here.” I was truly being reckless because I just stood a few feet in front of the man, letting myself get drenched by the rain pouring down.

I continued complaining, “Toi idiot, you are going to get yourself killed being so close to the base!”

He stayed quiet for a moment before suddenly saying, “They’re repositioning me somewhere else. Poor performance.”

Idiot, do not say you came all the way out here just to tell me that. No, no I cannot say that, I cannot express any care to Sniper– to this BLU!

“I see... Well, perhaps this is for the best,” I held calm, making sure not to expose my emotions any more than I already had.

Another pause before he continues talking again, “Spook told me somethin’ that he did to yah. He even said he did it to me as well when I wasn’t payin’ attention. Somethin’ ‘bout drugs and… Shit, I can’t believe what I did to yah.” I see, so my rival went as far to drug not only me but his own teammate. Truly, what was that BLU Spy trying to accomplish by interfering. Even so, Sniper’s actions before were his own choices.

I remind him, “Was it truly any different from the times you were not drugged?” Sniper held silent again as the loud patters of the rain take over for him.

“…Hah, yer right,” he finally sighed out, sounding most defeated.

Merde, I should not be out here in this rain, especially with him! The fact I am so openly talking with him right now baffles me. I will give him a warning, and if he does not follow through with it I will have to use more violent actions.

“If you have nothing more to say, it is best you take your leave.” I turn my back at him, taking only a few steps forward.

But yet the man continued to spout out more nonsense, “I really never meant any of that stuff, Spah!”

“ENOUGH!” I angrily spitted out, swinging back around as I take my gun out and aim at him. “I do not care of your excuses or your feelings! Now do think for yourself for once before I shoot you.” The man pulls his rifle out as well, aiming straight at me.

“Then why? Why risk doin’ any of that shit if you didn’t care?!” He goes off, trying to put this blame on me. “Did yah just want to fuck with me or somthin’, was that it? Because yah did a damn good job doin’ that, I’ll say!”

Again, I remind him, “Was that not your motives as well? The two of us wish to use the other for sexual pleasures, oui?”

“Naw, I said I never wanted it to be like that!” Sniper retorts the truth back at me with more lies. “I-I just don’t know, I don’t bleedin’ know how any of this shit works! I ain’t use to makin’ friends, a’right?!” And yet even more nonsense spews from this man’s mouth.

I end up laughing aloud, “You really are quite a strange man, monsieur Sniper! To call me a friend, after everything we have done and said. I must say, you may be the biggest liar here.”

“It’s the damn truth, Spah! It’s the damn truth… I just wanted to be yer friend.”

I shake my head, “If that were true, we would not be aiming are guns at each other, now would we?”

He does a laugh of his own, “Hah, right, yer right! I should just shut up and take this damn shot already so I can happily gut out your insides.” He pauses for a moment and continues, “But that ain’t happenin’, because I can’t bleedin’ do that!”

“Preposterous, just pull the trigger–!”

“I told yah, I can’t!” He interrupts, placing a hand over his face, having trouble keeping a steady hold of his gun. “I can’t… I just can’t bleedin’ do it, Spah! I couldn’t do it before and I still can’t do it now!” I just look at him, fumbling about where he stood, trying to hold himself together as he clumsily held his aim on me. “Piss, just give me a reason again, Spah! Lie or truth, I don’t bleedin’ care anymore, just give me a reason to kill yah again!”

It was such a strange thing to hear. Our jobs alone are the reasons why everyone fights in the first place. There is no reason to think of the opposite side as people, it just causes hesitation. That is why friendship is not allowed, it bares the same reasons. Softness turns harden men weak.

And Sniper was proof of that.

It is so easy to kill, but breaking someone is far more challenging. Having a chance like that, well, one does not get many opportunities to save a fellow enemy from death. He was so easy to exploit, ever since the day he asked for my company. I was quite disappointed actually, I was hoping for a proper challenge from him. He was ruthless, cold, a trained murderer always happy to kill more. But all it took was a simple lie or two, some banter and drinks and I had him on his knees, begging for my touch and warmth.

This was my job after all; what I was trained to do.

I told myself I hated doing this, but what I said was not true.

Or was it true.

It was true.

It was not true.

I do not know.

My life has succumbed to so many lies, I do not know if I am even telling myself the truth anymore. Were my actions even truthful, or was my body just going through the motions like they always have.

I do not know.

I truly do not know.

There is no reason to lie anymore, so I should just give the man more of the cold harden truth.

“Absurd! How utterly absurd!” I laugh aloud, a hand on my forehead. “Out of all the people I have bedded, you may be the worse one of all.” My laughing subsides as I continue on, “On the battle, you always showed me that side of you that hungers for more. And now? You cower away, show empathy, care about your enemies wellbeing more than yours!” My emotions were getting the better of me now as my voice grows louder, “Everything you did was humiliating! I hated every little moment you attempted such care and comfort! Are you even the same person I fought weeks ago? Can you still kill another without feeling sick to the bottom of your gut?!”

Sniper just stood there as I told him off, his expression hidden away from the rain, making it hard to understand what he was feeling right now. “I told you before we are weapons of war to be used and discarded! If a gun cannot simply fire a bullet, it is useless and should be thrown away. Do you wish to be thrown away as well, monsieur?!”

He said nothing back as he stood there, almost completely still.

I have given this man far too many chances. Ceasefire in play or not, I ran out of excuses to not pull the trigger. Sniper was aiming his gun at me, threatening to kill me, going against administrations. I can take the punishment afterwards, as long as my own safety was put first.

Yet again, yet AGAIN, my finger froze in place. This has happened too many times now, and I refuse to accept the truth that I may have become the same as Sniper– This BLU! No, no, NO, I care nothing of this BLU, he is my enemy!

He is my enemy!

SNIPER IS MY ENEMY!

“Stop acting like a damn fool and shoot me! Kill me already, Sniper!!”

The rain sings in our silence as we just stand there, guns still tightly in our hands.

Sniper drops his gun back to his side, just holding it there with one hand. I just shake my head, looking at the rifle then back at him. “What are you doing? Raise your gun!” I shout, but he does not comply. “I said raise your gun, Bushman!” Is this man mocking me, or does he not believe I will kill him if he unarmed himself. Fool, utter worthless idiotic fool!

He then foolishly started walking towards me. I fire a warning shot at him as the bullet smoke beneath his feet. “Do not get any closer!” The man stopped only for a moment before he continued walking. Again, I fire another shot near his feet. “Imbécile, do you want to die?!” And still, he kept on walking.

Before I knew it, Sniper was standing in front of me, his slightly taller height overshadowing mine. My gun was pressed right into his chest. I had no excuse now, for a shot like this was impossible to miss. So, just shoot him.

Shoot him.

Shoot him!

**SHOOT HIM!**

I shot.

…But I missed.

My gun was aiming at the ground actually. Smoke hazed out through the rain, the water darkening the hole below Sniper’s feet. I just stared down, not understanding why the hole was there. Slowly, I looked back at Sniper. The rain had fogged up his glasses, hiding his expression from my view. And here I was, exposing my emotions so openly at him.

Sniper finally dropped his gun as it clatters against the wet gravel. He then reached a hand out, startling me as I quietly gasped out a noise. He did not harm me as he placed the hand on the back of my neck. Carefully, he tugs at the end of my balaclava, and slowly did he remove it. It moved up my face, obscuring my view from him for only a moment. When I could see again, I saw it. I finally saw passed his glasses, and found the look of pure happiness spread across his face.

His arms moved forward, wrapping around my backside. My eyes widen a bit in surprise before I realized what was going on. Sniper was hugging me. He was hugging me ever so tightly in his arms. Even in this cool cold air, his body felt so warm against mine.

He is my enemy, and yet we fought as we were companions sparring against one another.

As rivals.

As friends.

I… want to be this man’s friend. I want Sniper to be my friend. I am not lying either, I really want Sniper to be my friend! But such a thing was impossible then, and it is impossible now. Making a friend was forbidden after all.

Even when my hands twitched in place, I did not move them. I did not wish to hug back, nor did I wish to show any affection. Still, Sniper held onto me and waited. Waited ever so patiently for the love I was never going to give back.

Quietly, Sniper tells me, “I’m happy, happy to see yer face just one last ti––"

A loud bang– a gun being triggered.

Sniper fell on top of me, his body sliding down as his blood draped my suit before he fell on the ground. There he lay below me, a bullet wound straight through his temple.

“How troublesome.” The coldness of that sentence was thicker than ice itself. The BLU Spy came from the shadows, walking closer, unmercifully shooting Sniper again and double tapping his head. “I cannot believe you went and did it again! Perhaps this line of work is not for you.”

I just stared down at Sniper’s body before staring down at the blood streaks on my suit. Moments ago, I cared less about the man’s feelings. I cared nothing of him. And yet I was… I was…

I aimed my gun over at the Spy.

“Why?”

I was angry.

Calmly, he points back, “Put the gun down.”

Angry.

“WHY?!”

“My friend, do not tell me you forgot? The man saw your face– more than once now and he needed to be disposed of.”

Shut up.

“–Do not tell me you were becoming soft for the man? Oh no, that is most dangerous. Such a dangerous man was not allowed alive less he changes someone else, oui?”

Just shut up!

“–Oh~? Perhaps you did not do anything because you were not acting soft. No, haha, no you were _enjoying yourself_. Yes, watching this man slowly turn into such a vile creature before your eyes whilst dirtying him up for your own disgusting needs?”

FUCKING SHUT UP!

“–You know, I was wrong. You really do belong in this line of work.”

I shot him.

The shot brazed his shoulder, tearing the suit apart as the blue color turned into a darkish red. In retaliation, he shot back, a bullet going straight through my stomach. I stagger back before falling towards the ground, my gun slipping from my hand. I grip onto my stomach as I groaned out in pain, feeling the warm liquid spill out.

“*Did you think I enjoyed shooting him?!*” The man started screaming in French as he hurried over, flicking out his pocketknife and shoving it into my face. “*Sniper was my teammate, one I shared drinks with, had conversations with, battled side by side with!” He threatens the knife closer. “*Did you think I’m some heartless monster such as you?! I abandoned that line of work, and yet you wished to continue it!!*” The man swallows loudly, already feeling out of breath from all his screaming.

Another swallow, and then he mutters, “*I wanted to kill you. I wanted to gut you, strangle you, torture you, chop you into tiny little pieces for playing with him in such horrible ways.*” A pause, than a sad sounding huff of laughter. “*It was not even the rules that were holding me back from doing that. No, I cared little of those _‘rules’. _ I just could not bear the burden, knowing the heartbreak and hatred I would have to face from him.*”

The man lowers his knife, keeping it to his side, just staring down at the ground now and staying silent. I continue to gasp and whine underneath him, my energy wearing thin as my blood seeps out, mixing into the rain and dirt. He looks at me again, and then eyes the wound on my stomach.

“Ah––!!” I scream out as I feel his knife dig into the open wound.

“*See, this is why you never hesitate! Hesitating only makes things worse!!*” Again he shouts, pushing the blade deeper before dragging it down my stomach and across my abdomen. I could hear the sound of skin tearing apart and more of my blood gushing out. Pain coursed throughout my body, stinging every nerve and making my stomach twist inside out. My throat burned, and I wanted to throw up whatever fluids my body wished out.

I was already starting to slump as the man grabs me by the throat, still wishing my eye-contact. “*You did all that to him and you still could not finish the job! Why?! All you had to do was your job, how could you mess this up so easily?!*” He snarled through his teeth, truly wishing an answer from me.

I could not properly think, so all I did was let my mouth do the talking, whatever it wish to say to the man.

Harshly, I pant out, “Haah… I am merely human.”

The BLU laughs again and shakes his head, “Human? Ridiculous. *Only madmen could truly accept living a life as bleak as this one.*”

Before the man could continue anymore of his twisted vengeance, the two of us hear a loud patter of footsteps rushing closer and a scream– or perhaps a battle cry.

The man releases my throat as I slump to my side, still coughing and wincing.

“What in the–?” He stands and turns to see where the shouting was coming from, only to be greeted with a harsh piece of metal to the face. The man is thrown aside, collapsing a few feet away from me.

“See ya next week, bozo!” The loud nasally voice cheers out. I pick myself up and look, knowing full well who it was. “Spy, you OK dude?”

With another cough and gasp, I question back, “Nnh… Scout? Why are you–?”

“Look, I got a little worried about how you were doin’ so I went to your room but you weren’t there and then I started lookin’ all over the base for ya and Engineer and Sniper told me you were sulkin’ round in the front so I went there and when I got outside I heard a gunshot and– Shit man, yer bleedin’ bad! We gotta get yah to a Medic or somethin’.” He stops yammering and kneels next to me, examining the damage on my body. I try to push him away with my arm, only to topple over again. “Hey, hey, take it easy!”

Another cough as I argue back, “I am fine, just help–!” but I quickly stop, realizing what I wish to say. I turn my head to look at Sniper. Even when I am lying here dying, my first thought was on him. There was no reason to help him and yet I wanted to. I wanted to make sure Sniper came back through respawn alive and well. But how would I tell this to not only Scout, but to the Doctor and everyone else. No, it is impossible, they would never understand. Even I do not even understand anymore.

“Spy? Come on, talk to me man.”

I ignored the boy, my eyes still locked on the man just a few feet away. 

My hand shakily moved towards Sniper.

No, no, he might not be dead yet, he might be OK– he _is _OK! Something as simple as a bullet would not kill this man, no, no, such a possibility is utterly ridiculous!

If I touch him, he will wake up.

If I touch him, I will be able to return the hug back.

If I touch him, I can tell him how much I truly care.

If I just touch him then– then–

I heard that familiar clicking sound.

My eyes went to the BLU Spy. He was sitting up now, aiming his gun forward. But he did not aim it at me, but at Scout. Again, everything was in slow-motion.

My gun, I need my gun.

Gun– please, I need my gun!

My hand hits against metal as I see Sniper’s rifle.

Sniper’s rifle…

_BANG!_

A shot echoes through the rain as everything stood still.

“Shit man!” Scout winces, shaking his head from the piercing sound that pierced his eardrums. The boy was about to yell at me before he stops himself, looking over to where the BLU was. Scout watches as the BLU fell back, dead, a bullet pierced right through his mask and skull. He then turns back at me, watching the smoke of the rifle sizzle out from the rain.

My ears were clogged, only hearing the faint sounds of Scout calling for me. I sat there frozen, my aim still on that BLU Spy. I just went with the motions like I always did. It was for Scout’s safety, I did not wish to see him harmed. And yet… And yet I feel so sick. So sick.

Oh mon Dieu, I am going to–!

My grip of the gun drops as an urge below was spewing up my throat. I clasp my mouth, trying to hold back but it was too late.

“Spy, what’s wrong–? Aw shit dude!” Scout yelps as I threw up right on him, a mixture of my vomit, blood and spit. “Shit,” the boy swore again, gagging at the disgusting brownish and reddish filth smeared all over his work clothes. Scout tries not to look at it as he starts rubbing my back as I continued to cough and gag.

Finally, I calmed down, but still Scout rubbed my back as to comfort me. I do a loud swallow, nodding at the boy a few times to tell him I was fine for now. “Err, he-hey Spy,” he stumbled his words, looking quite awkward.

Swallowing harshly, I choke out, “Mhn… Yes?”

“I don’t know if this is the best time to tell you this, but ya ain’t wearin’ your mask.” Oh… Oh, he is right. That is not good.

I tiredly look back at Sniper, breathily saying, “He… He has it.”

Scout hurries over towards Sniper, hesitating to touch him until he finally finds my balaclava, tightly gripped in the man’s hand. He comes back over, helping me sit up straight as he stretches the flimsy cloth apart.

I cough, “Scout, I… I can handle my own–”

“I know you’re freakin’ dyin’ here, but quit whinin’,” he complains, already in the motions of placing the cloth over me.

The boy was pretty careless, fidgeting and swearing at himself for putting it on the wrong way. Finally, the mask was properly on my face as my eyes tiredly look at the boy, noticing how truly drenched he looked. Still, he held a smile, even if it was a little forced.

I swallow down again, my voice quieting to almost a hush now as I tell him, “No one.”

“Huh?”

Another swallow as I forced out, “My… face! Tell… Tell no one you saw–!” I could not even finish as I start to heave out, coughing up more blood. My head drops against the boy’s chest, my energy completely drained as I could not move, less speak anymore.

“Hey, easy, don’t you die on me yet, Spy!” The boy shakes me a little, trying to keep me awake. Scout made sure I sat up straight again before coming around, showing me his backside. He placed each of my arms over his shoulders as they dangled down. He then grabbed a steady hold of my legs as he forces himself up with a grunt and pant.

With a harsh step into the gravel, the boy sprints towards the base, leaving the bodies of the BLU Spy and Sniper behind.


	16. Truce

Again, I was in the medical room, just lying on one of the medical beds and staring up at the ceiling.

Not even a day had passed when the truce was called. Something truly must have gone wrong if administrations are issuing a truce. Such privileges were only done during holidays or special events or when a mercenary is… is permanently inactive for duty. Trying to deny that Sniper may be dead or– bon dieu, I truly do not want to think about it.

Cigarette.

I need a cigarette.

I tiredly sighed out as I sit myself at the edge. Slight pain stung below as I hissed, placing my hand on my stomach to help ease me. Folding up the hospital gown I was forced to wear, I check the damage. The scar went from my stomach to my lower abdomen; a jagged line similar looking to a bolt of lightning. It was another scar for the collection, and another reminder of my horrid deeds. As rude as it is to admit, I expected such a scar to be done by Sniper and not the BLU Spy. The bruises he left before had vanished a long time ago. A part of me almost misses them. Almost.

Finally, I get off the bed as I walk over towards the medical desk where my unwashed clothes were, going through the pockets to find my package of cigarettes. Medic can complain to me later, all I wish for is a smoke. But when I found the package and flipped it open, it was empty. Yes, how foolish of me to forget. The last bud was most likely outside, soaked in water and trampled into the dirt.

Another sigh escapes me as I just dropped the flimsy cardboard on my clothes. I take a deep inhale, trying to calm myself and trying to breathe normally. A cough or two escapes me as I did this, harshly choking and gagging before swallowing loudly on my own phlegm. At least, I hoped that was phlegm.

My energy was thin still, and all I could do is lay a hand on that table, trying to hold myself steady. Slowly, I picked up my feet, taking only a step forward before stopping again.

Smoke, I smelled a minty whiff of cigarette smoke in the air.

“Are you feeling well, monsieur?” The BLU Spy suddenly uncloaks as I find him leaning against the medical door.

Instincts get the better of me as I fumble back, hands slamming against the table next to me as I grab one of the medical scalpels, shakily pointing it at the man. He just stood there, sucking away on his cigarette before flicking some ash to the side. “Monsieur, you are just embarrassing yourself.”

“Why are you still alive?!” I snarl at the man, still pointing the knife.

“That is not a very nice thing to say,” he wheezes through his nose, trying to hold back his smile.

“Why even show your face to me? Do you want to die?!”

“Did you not hear of the truce? I am freely allowed your premises until said otherwise.”

I cared little of the man’s excuses and continued yelling, “Just get the hell out, I do not wish to speak with you!” The BLU frowns again as he does a long suck to his cigarette, quietly blowing out some more smoke.

“He is alive,” he suddenly tells me.

I lowered the scalpel as my anger before disappeared to a gentler and happier expression. But the man continued with, “However, if you can tell from this truce, he cannot come back to duty.” The happiness my face held fades away as I expressed not anger, but sadness.

“What happened to him, is he truly well?!” I ran towards the man, crashing my body into his. The man held me steady so I did not fall. He sighs, most likely disappointed with how emotional I was acting right now.

The BLU does a quick clear to his throat and exclaims, “He is still sane, probably the best he has ever been actually.” He pauses, making me think he was just playing with me at this point.

“Just tell me what is wrong!”

Another pause.

Finally, he spoke, “The man cannot even recall his own job, less the jobs of his fellow teammates.” I just blink and shake my head at him, finding it hard to understand what he meant. Again, he repeats, “He cannot remember being a Sniper.” It was then that his words got through to me. “Memory loss it seems. Not so uncommon, but his is severe.”

This had to be a lie, some sick joke that this BLU is telling me. No, no this man is not lying, not one bit. Sniper is alive, but his memories had changed. I am not sure how much had been taken away, but there was enough that all those years of killing had vanished in an instant.

Again, I was angry.

Angry at this man.

I tried to threaten the small utensil in his face, making him unhand me in surprise as I fell on the ground. A harsh seething cry spews from me as I fell hard. Shakily, I try to pick myself up, only to drop again.

There was another low sigh from the BLU as he kneels down, trying to help me up.

“Monsieur, do calm down–”

“*This is your fault!!*” I start yelling at him in French, flailing my arms about to get him away.

“Stop this foolishness!” His voice rises as he grabs a hold of my arms, keeping them in place.

“*If you did not interfere, none of this would have happened! None of this!*” My screams make me choke as I started to cough between breaths. “*It all went by so fast– a ruthless man like that shouldn’t have changed that quickly! I am not blind, I know how– how weak Sniper was becoming! I– I had it handled–!!*” I suddenly go into another coughing fit as my head fell against the BLUs suit. The BLU held quiet, still holding onto my arms tightly, just letting me wallow underneath him.

What good would there be to fight if the damage has already been done. Even if I wished to ignore proper logic and accept my animalist instincts, I lacked the power or energy to take this man down.

I finally calm some, sitting myself straight and panting slightly.

The man then held out his cigarette. Instantly, I take the bud like it was candy and start sucking on it loudly, almost forgetting to blow out smoke as I coughed between my sucks. After another inhale or two, I shove it back into his hand, swearing to myself for letting such a small piece of paper control me so easily.

He helps me up until I was finally able to stand on my own.

My head hung low as I slowly walk back towards the table, placing the scalpel back where it was. “If it helps, I tried to mention you.” I turned, looking at the man again. He shakes his head, “Not a single clue.” Again, I turned my back on him. “Good, non?”

I held silent for a moment before quietly replying, “That… That is good.”

“Yes, yes it is,” he comments back, twiddling the bud in his hands.

There was a question I wish to ask the BLU, “What about you?” He acted a little surprised and placed a hand on his chest.

“Moi? Hah, I doubt you care about my wellbeing, so you must be talking about something else.” The humor he attempted died down quickly. “Come on, you know how this works, old man,” he rudely calls me out of nowhere.

The BLU flings his bud away, crushing it down. He then tugs the ends of his balaclava and throws it off, exposing his face at me. I am caught by surprise when I see not an older gentleman, but a younger man. He looked almost as old as a Scout in fact. Looking at him made me feel nostalgic actually. A part of me wanted to comment on his appearance, but my lips held shut. My energy was gone, and simple remarks were too much of a hassle to even speak.

He continues, “I live for this work, we both do. We are the exception after all.” It was quite hard to imagine this young man’s voice sounding anywhere close to proper. In fact, he sounded more snarky now. “I am going to get quite a talking to by administrations, that is for sure,” again he tries to humor himself with a sad chuckle and smile.

The younger man then stared intensely at the mask, the smile before disappearing into a frown. He did not have to say anything, for I can tell by his emotions alone. It was the feeling of hatred, regret, and even fear. If he has such thoughts now, I am afraid he may not last long in this line of work. It has only been recently that I felt the same.

“I am going to mention the kid,” he then tells me, which was not a surprise to hear. I suppose this is a last petty revenge the young man can condemn on me. No, such a secret would not have lasted anyway, it never does. “Do handle things properly before they go bad again.”

The only words I wish to speak were, “If you have nothing else to say, do leave this room.”

The young man shrugs, placing his balaclava back on with a swift tug and pull. He turns his back on me, placing his hand on the door’s handle. But he did not turn it. Instead, he stood there for a long moment before saying, “It was not poor performance by the way. He asked to be repositioned.”

I held silent.

“I thought you would like to know that,” he finally finishes and opens the door.

“I vill not associate myself vith zhat– zhat–!” The moment he does, the sound of yelling barges in. Both the BLU and RED Doctors appeared from the door, almost running into the BLU Spy as they stopped in place.

The young man just gave them a smile and said, “Pardon me,” and walked out the room.

The BLU Medic begins first, “It is our job to help vhen need be–“

“I gave you my answer, do solve zhis issue yourself,” The Doctor interrupts with a stern glare and finger. The BLU huffed and raised his chin at the younger man. And without saying anything else, he takes his leave.

Medic sighs before looking over to me. He then claps his hands and huffs a laugh, “Hah, vell! Quite a mess you have made, herr Spy.” I do not even get a chance to think up a reply as he continues with, “Just lie down, I have a headache.” Medic waves me back to bed whilst rubbing his forehead.

I do as he asks, walking back towards the bed and sitting on the edge again. Medic goes over to his desk, pushing away my clothes and looking through varies cabinets and drawers.

The argument before got me curious as I ask the young man, “You were requested for assistance?”

Medic huffed, “Can you believe zhat? Admissions request I help a BLU? How ridiculous.”

There is a pause as the only sounds being circled around the room now were glasses being clanked together and wood hitting against wood.

I continue again, “Is it not your job?”

Medic continued fiddling through his things, replying back with little care in his tone, “It is zheir problem, even if administrations tell me othervise.”

Another pause.

Again, I asked, “Maybe if you helped, the man could get better–”

Medic suddenly slams a drawer shut. He just stood there, hands tightly on the small handle. Soon, there is a noise. A small puff of air. Medic started to laugh, “Haha! And vhy vould I vant anyzhing to do with zhat man?!” His laughter abruptly subsides as he turns around, glaring over. “Vhat makes you zhink I give a single damn!?”

My mouth held shut, not wishing to expose my truths over. Yes, I was worried about Sniper, I will not deny that. The BLU said that Sniper had no idea who the people around him where, and it was most likely he had no idea where he was either. Once a harden mercenary, now a scared lost child surrounded by rough older gentlemen carrying dangerous military weaponry.

Medic’s angry scowl turns into a wide grin. He waved a finger at me and takes a step forward, “Ohho! You. _YOU_ vant me to help him, is zhat it?”

I shake my head slightly and retort back, “That was not my intention–“

“I zhought a filthy _schwanzlutscher schlampe_ like you lost all concepts of care or love?” I held calm, trying not to expose my anger back.

“That language is unneeded, Doctor–“

“Hah! Oh, I know your kind has been called far vorse, so do not even begin with me.”

I heaved a sigh and retort again, “Fine, call me whatever you like, I will not deny any of it.” My voice lowers as I plead at the doctor one last time, “I just wish for you to do your job, monsieur Medic.”

The Doctor’s expression changes again, uncaring and lifeless.

“My job,” he muttered. He returned to his desk, his back turned. The Doctor held quiet for some time, just staring down. His head picks up as he finds the scalpel I placed close by. He slides a palm against the wood, picking up the utensil. Then, he starts tapping it. “Hah, my job,” he chuckled.

The beats rang in a repetitive fashion.

_Tap… Tap… Tap…_

Then it suddenly stops.

Medic yelled, “I am doing my _JOB_ ze best I can, Herr Spy!!”

The scalpel scrapes against the table like nails on a chalkboard. My body stiffens up hearing such a dreadful sound as I grit my teeth together. The sound stops abruptly as the man drops the utensil with a tiny cling. Medic held his hands together, making the rubber of his gloves squeak out. He just stood there for some time, not saying nor doing anything.

With his back still turned, he slowly asks over, “A moment of your time, Herr Spy?” Calmly, I sit up straight, eyes focused on the man.

“I am listening, Doctor.”

“It is about ze… about ze BLU Sniper.”

“Whatever you wish to say, you may say it,” I reassure him that I would listen, no matter what heinous things he wishes to speak about Sniper. I may not like them, but that was my opinion alone.

A moment of pause.

“I overextended,” Medic quietly continued. “Zhere were too many occurrences vere my charge vas vasted on minor mistakes and foolish decisions. Frustration got ze better of me and I ended up charging in alone with a simple bonesaw in hand.” Another pause as a breathy sigh escapes him. “*How foolish of me,*” he muttered out in German.

Finally, he turned to look at me. Medic looked exhausted, probably as much as I was right now. “Let us be frank here, Herr Spy, I am not much of a fighter. If my first hit does not kill, zhen vhat are ze chances my second vill? My luck can only go so far until it fails me vhen I truly need it.” His head dropped down, making his glasses slide to the end of his nose. “Once pain and realization hit me, I ran like a chicken vithout its head. My mind vas not zhinking as I did so and I ended up trapped in a secluded area all alone. I vas in shock, scared and– and I did not notice zhere was someone following after me until zhey blocked the only vay out.”

Medic flicked his glasses up, covering his face from me for a moment. “*That filthy person you call _bushman_,*” he told again in German, the thick accent truly exposing his anger.

Indeed, so this is about that incident long ago. Medic told little on what happened to anyone, just enough to show his hatred he felt towards the BLU Sniper.

Medic showed his face again, perking up a small smile and happily speaking outward, “The vonders of modern medicine. Such a marvelous veapon ze Medigun is.” Soon, that smile turned into a frown. “Perhaps even a curse at times.”

He then spoke quite casually now, almost sarcastically even, “As usual, he wanted to indulge in that crazed blood fetish he happily expresses and started cutting me apart. You know, shredding ze skin, opening ze muscle, even sawing off a finger or two. And happily he vatched as my body stitched back together in an instant. Vould you believe zhat he even zhreatened to cut off ze more _dominant_ parts of myself– vhat makes a man zhink like that?” He asked over, truly bewildered at the idea.

The sarcasm stopped there, all emotions draining from his face now. “Unsatisfied still, he opened my stomach up and started… pulling. Quite a lot, herr Spy.” Another pause. “And vhen he grew bored of ze pulling, he started more ze cutting– Ohho, but not just on ze skin anymore, nein.”

Sniper used to be like that, he was. But memories of him acting like that are vague to me, almost non-existing. Ridiculous, I cannot just ignore those past thoughts. Sniper was– he used to–! I cannot… I cannot recall anything. Every time I think back, all I can remember is that stupid toothy smile of his. Hah, my own memories have betrayed me, coating any truths with shrouded lies just to make myself feel better. Absurd. Utterly absurd.

Medic continued, “The mercy of ze respawn finally carried me away vhen I passed out. Herr Heavy was so worried, asked me vhat was vrong and vhere did I run off to. Ze poor man– let alone everyone else in ze spawn room– did not expect me to hurl out so suddenly, even I did not expect zhat to happen.”

Again, he turns his back at me, breathing another sigh. “It must seem pathetic for a man such as me to become unnerved after zhat. My job involves cutting open people every day, even myself at times. Zhings such as opening someone’s ribcage and holding zheir heart is, vhy, just a mere afternoon for me.” His gloves squeak out again as his hands tighten harder. “But having someone else doing such zhings to me… nein, nein, it is not ze same.”

Medic started to shake were he stood, taking in a heavy inhale. “I vill not lie, I am still quite new to zhis kind of vork, Herr Spy. Never once did I imagine somezhing as… as savage as zhat be done to anyone, let alone me.” A breathy pause as he continues, “I-I vas vorried he vould do it again. More painfully, more slowly, more… more…” And again, another long pause.

Then the young man laughed out. But the laughter was not one of joy but sorrow. Soon, the Doctor crumbled where he stood, hanging onto the table for dear life as he pressed his forehead against it.

His vocals become horse as he trembled out in German, “*I-I cannot– I cannot hold back, Sir Spy! Impossible, it is impossible! Damn it, not even Sir Heavy would see me the same acting like this– No, he would not!*” Medic whimpered and choked, trying terribly to hide the fact he was tearing up right in front of me. His legs hit the floor, turning around only to hide his face between his knees.

Again, yet again I witness another man crying in front of me. After all these years, I am not use to witnessing such a wretched weakness. But to let it get as bad as this– no, I did not do my job properly enough. Perhaps I was distracted by other things, or maybe it was because the young man was a Medic. They knew what we did, so most do not wish for the comfort many mercenaries hide. The Medics’ who needed the comfort would ask. He did not. Let it be for his pride, or the sickening distaste of fucking another man who has used his body for many others.

Sadly, his stress and morale had finally given way. Medic needed comfort. He needed me.

I walked over to him, my socks quietly tapping against the ceramic flooring. I stop, kneeling down in front of him, a hand in his hair.

Quietly, I tell the Doctor, “It is my job to serve, Doctor.”

Medic exposed his reddish, teary-eyed face at me. At first he seemed confused, but quickly realized what my words meant. He did a loud stuttering inhale, holding his breath for a moment before finally exhaling.

“*I… I want you to hold me,*” he stuttered again in German. I faked my usual warmed filled smile and wrapped my arms around his back. Medic’s head dropped to my shoulder, muttering soft whines into it as we just sit there. A moment or two passes before he finally picks his head up, staring at me. The man does another hard choked filled swallow before moving in closer.

Medic kissed me, and I returned the kiss back.

Sitting on that floor still, I watch as the Doctor open himself. He squirmed and muttered until he was finally finished, ready to take me. Medic sat on my lap, lowering down as my cock smoothly entered inside him. He hugged onto me tightly, moaning into my ear as he started doing small jumps upon me.

It is rare that I find another man wishing to be fucked in such a way, for many mercenaries loved women, and did not wish to be fucked like one. I did not question the Doctor, for his reasons were his own.

Doing this in the medical room had its benefits, for all the supplies we needed were here. While he was eager to do all this with our clothes on, he still wish to use a condom. That was another rarity that does not happen often for me. Medic prepared everything so smoothly, and so naturally it quite astonished me. Again, I will not force the answers out from the Doctor. All I needed to do is make him happy.

A lot of it was a daze as I went with the motions like I always did. I touched and kissed him, gave small pillow talk, made sure to rub and tease all the right nerves.

Soft German mutters echo through my ears, “*Co-Coming… Coming…*” The man whimpers as he comes, spilling his essence onto my hospital gown. Even after he was done, he still held ever so tightly on me, kissing my neck and begging for more. “*Please, do not stop, Sir Spy… Please come as well. Ahh… Please come…*”

Strange, even during these times, I always acted the part. Neither laughter or anger or sadness expressed on my face.

Nothing.

I felt nothing.


	17. Cigarette

After that, the Doctor held interactions short. He gave me my medicine, asked simple medical questions and left without making any eye-contact. The younger man acted like his old self, at least to the others around him. What I saw was different though. Inside, the man was feeling utter shame and disgrace. Whatever his true reasons were for feeling this way, I dared not ask. There is no reason for me to ask anymore. Medic will be the last man I will ever sleep with.

I believe a few days have passed already since the truce was put in play.

I was outside the front base, sitting in the shade, not caring if my clothes were dirtied with dirt. In fact, I looked like an unprofessional mess with my unbutton suit and lack of tie. If I had a choice, I would throw this balaclava off as well, because it is most hot. Sadly, that is the one freedom I still lacked.

The boy was entertaining himself with someone other than me for once. There, I watched as the two began arguing again.

“You can get much more mobility if ya use the Force-of-Nature!” The BLU Scout was the first to start up another argument.

“My feet work fine enough. But if we’re talkin’ about mobility, the Soda Popper is the way to go,” and, of course, Scout happily joined in for another round.

“Hah! A jackass like you can’t even hit shit to make that gun worth a damn!”

“Don’t think I haven’t seen yah get blown away by yer own gun! Oh, lookie me, gonna shoot while jumpin’ and throw myself back like a dumbass,” Scout mocked over, hands in the air.

“It’s a legit strategy!”

It is quite strange to see two opposite sides act so… I suppose so casually with the other. There is no point in such interactives because we will just be killing each other by the next coming days. The boys talk make for great amusement at least.

The BLU suddenly calls for my attention, “Yo, RED Spy! Force-of-nature or Soda Popper, which is better?”

“Make sure it’s the shit weapon!” Scout laughed over.

“Shud your face– tell me which weapon is better, RED!”

They were amusing me, and I decided I needed a little fun in my life again. Swiftly, I take out my gun, posing it right next to my face. “I do apologize, but no weapon can compete with the Ambassador.” The BLU unsurprisingly scuffs back, quite unamused.

“That shit gun ain’t even all that freakin’ good! You’re a backstabbing baguette man, not a piss-throwing, er, jarpisser!” All I do was hold my position with a big smirk on my face.

While the BLU’s eyes were off me, Scout’s were not. When I take notice of his staring, he shied away before looking again, expressing a small smile at first before expressing a larger one. In return, I give one back. It was only the constant ranting of his BLU counterpart that he left eye-contact. The moment it does, my smile slowly becomes a frown.

A part of me was ignoring the fact Scout saw my face, hoping that he forgot about it all together. No, this is one issue I cannot ignore. My choice was decided the moment my BLU counterpart broke the news. Punishment had to be placed on Scout, the team or me. And I chose myself. I am just waiting for the notice of my deportation out of here. Administrations may do whatever they wished, because I am done with this job.

Bringing my gun to my lap, I then held it out in the light to examine it. It had been dirtied some, but the clear spots still shimmered in the sunlight. 

“Not talkin’ to the other Spook?” The RED bushman suddenly appears in front of me, his body overlaying a shadow over me. I look at him for a moment before turning my head away.

“Him and I are not on the most greatest of terms,” I quietly replied, placing my gun back in my pocket again. He circles around, sitting next to me now. How annoying, I do not wish to start a conversation with him. “And you? Do you have no one to talk to either?” I hinted over, hoping he was smart enough to get the message.

He was not and replied, “Me? Mate, I just got back here. Ah, right, you were in the medical room for the last few days.”

“Were you away?” I continued talking with him anyway, quite curious on what he meant.

“Yeah, tryin’ to help out with what happened to the bloke on BLU.”

My eyes shoot over to him, widen and surprised.

Not once since I recovered did I go over to check on Sniper. Even the times when my feet walked me as close to the first point, I turned around and reminded myself there was no reason to check on him. Non…

Foolishly, I asked the man, “You have? How is he– Is he well?” The bushman gives me a surprised look back.

“What’s gettin’ yah all interested?” He asks.

“Just… Just tell me, s'il vous plait,” I continue in my foolishness and pleaded, going so far as to bow my head as well as speak some French. He does a little readjustment to his hat, staying quiet for a moment.

He exclaims, “Can’t really tell yah much. Personal class reasons– yah know how it goes.” I nod, fully understanding each class held their secrets. “Admissions say some mercs pretend to lose their memories to get out of this line of duty and the like, so they ask anyone from the same class to see if their fibbin’ or not. Usual stuff, secrets, threats and what not.”

“And?” The man shakes his head with a defeated sigh.

“Totally clueless, can’t remember nothin’. That or he’s one hell of a good liar.”

I look down, watching as my hands tighten and squeezed together.

“So… So the man truly has lost his memory,” I say aloud, though, those words were more for me than the bushman.

“Yep. So much so he’s actually on his way outta here.” My head rose again.

I ask, “He is leaving? Right now?”

The bushman nods, “Yep. Only reason I’m back anyway because the truce is gonna be over soon. Oh, right.” He then stands, yelling over to the two Scouts. “Hey, anklebiter, get the hell outta here before one of us rings yah!”

“Fuck you!” Our Scout swears back.

“I was talking to the BLU yah frootloop!” He chuckled anyway, amused with the younger man. “Geesh, kid’s a hassle,” he told himself before speaking over to me again, “Say, ehm, we haven’t gotten much of a chance to talk––”

But I cared little in what the bushman had to say as I spring to my feet and start sprinting towards the BLUs.

As I ran, Scout called out, “Yo, Spy, don’t go getting’ captured again now!”

It felt like miles, but I made it to the other side, only stopping next to the first point’s balcony to catch a breather. With a hand on the wooden platform, I look forward and finally see him from afar. Standing in the open area of the BLUs entrance was Sniper– BLU Sniper. And the man was… was talking with the BLU Spy, so casually and carefree.

I cloaked as I moved closer, hiding in the very spot Sniper and I always sat in. There, I peeked out from the corner, listening in on their conversation.

Sniper spoke first, “Yeah, haven’t seen my folks in a while. They always wanted me to take up the farmin’ business.”

“I never imagined that your country had such a huge agricultural production,” The BLU Spy replied.

“One of the biggest, right!” Sniper breathed a laugh, sounding quite joyful when talking with the man. A part of me wanted to see that happiness in person. I could, I just needed to turn off this watch and go up to him. Talk with him. Apologize to him. Tell him that… that I would happily be his friend, if only for today. Just today.

“Thanks, Spah,” Sniper suddenly said, snapping me back to reality. The compliment not only surprised me but the BLU as well, giving a most perplexed look at the man.

The Spy questions back, “Thanks?”

“Helpin’ me out with everythin’. Yah were always there, makin’ sure I got through all this insanity. I don’t know how yah live like this every day. That’s why I can’t believe yah guys when you say I used to be in this line of work.”

As much as I want to deny or lie to myself again, I just cannot this time. The Sniper before found so much joy in this work. It was a sick twisted joy, but joy none the less. This man in front of me is not the same person I first encountered, not even close. The fact that he was having a pleasant conversation with his own murderer right now said it all.

“You still know how to use a rifle,” the BLU then comments as he pointed to the rifle on the man’s back.

Sniper brought his rifle to his front, examining it for a moment before aiming it towards where I hid. “Yep, ever since I was a lad. That’s somthin’ I could never forget.” He smiles, bringing it down again.

There is a buzzing in the air as a helicopter suddenly appears in the sky, readying to take its landing as it flies over towards the second point.

“Looks like your ride has finally arrived,” The BLU Spy pointed over before the helicopter disappeared behind the balcony.

Sniper watches it go before clicking his tongue, “Feels like we just got to know the other as well, damn.” He looked back at the man, still holding that bright smile. Then, Sniper hurried over and hugged the BLU Spy, giving him a firm pat on the back before pulling away again. “Yer a good man, Spah. I know yer busy, but yah gotta hit me up some time. My ma makes some of the meanest meatpies back home!”

The BLU held silent for a moment before looking down and quietly replying, “Sounds lovely.” How this man could feel any regret for what he did. Absurdity.

Sniper picked up the bag that was sitting next to his feet, hurling it over his shoulder as well as his rifle. With a salute over to the BLU, he began walking. He passes by me as he did, unware that I was even standing here. Foolishly, my arm acted on its own as it moved towards Sniper, only stopping as my other arm grabs onto it, bringing it back down as it shakily fought back. No, there would be no point in showing myself. Sniper does not even know who I am anymore, and I wish for it to stay that way.

But as Sniper had taken another step forward, he suddenly stopped. My eyes were locked on him, waiting for his next move.

He snapped a finger, swearing to himself, “Hell, almost forgot to ask yah!” He then hurries by me again and closer towards the BLU. The man was most surprised as Sniper grabbed his hands, squeezing them all excited like. “Yer name. Come on, yah gotta tell me yer name now.”

The Spy shook his head with a sad sounding sigh, “I apologize, but I still cannot tell you, Flynn.”

There is a sudden jump in my chest. To have his named spilled out so carelessly, and said aloud by such a person. Even before, Sniper… _Flynn_ never told me his name.

Flynn sighed back, letting go off the BLU’s hands. “A’right, a’right, I gotcha. But when yer ever free to visit, yah gotta tell me then,” he perked himself up again, giving the BLU a quick wink over.

As Flynn began his walking again, the Spy takes a sudden step forward and calls out, “Pardon, let me join you.”

All Flynn did was stop, showed off another big toothy smile and happily replied, “Yer gonna make me leavin’ even harder.”

They began their walking as I followed behind, slowly and as quietly as I could. I went so far as to take detours so my cloak would not run out right behind them.

We all make it to the second point as a group of men leave from the copter and greet the two. They told Flynn what he had to leave behind, and that any information he did remember was classified to his knowledge alone. ‘_We have eyes and ears everywhere’, _they told him.

Goodbyes were quick as Flynn was hulled onto the helicopter, half-way midair as he waved back at the BLU Spy. The Spy returned the same, doing a small wave back at the man. My hand started moving the same, stopping midway before resting back on my side.

Soon, the copter hurried out towards the horizon, heading back to normal civilization and away from this crazed meaningless war. The Spy sighed out loudly, only now realizing he was still waving at nothing now. His hands held together as he still stared forward at the open ocean in front of him.

My cloak finally drains away as I static out loudly right behind the young man. He did not jump or shriek out but slowly turned, just staring all tired-like, not surprised in the slightest I was standing here all along. The two of us just stood there, saying nothing to the other. The BLU walked forward, coming closer to me.

Finally, he reaches to where I am.

…and just walks on by, heading back towards the BLUs base.

Again, I found myself alone. I stand there for another moment before doing the same, walking towards RED base.

I hurried passed everyone, even when they asked for my attention or tried to stop me.

_‘No, not right now!’_

_‘Another time!’_

_‘Bon dieu, just leave me be!’_

Though, such words were held in my thoughts alone.

I need a cigarette.

Finally, I make it to my room as I slam my door shut and double lock it. Being in the safety of my own room, I take the balaclava off and throw it aside, not caring where it landed. I lay my back on the wall, staring up at my dirty ceiling, watching the fan above desperately circulate the air in this humid room.

I then searched through my shoulder pocket, taking out the newly bought package of cigarettes and a lighter. My eagerness must have gotten the better of me as I completely tore off the top and nick one of the buds, placing it between my lips. My thumb hastily snaps the handle, annoyed how long it was taking for my bud to get lit. Finally, a spark of fire appears as I sucked loudly on my bud, heavily inhaling the nicotine before exhaling again.

When I went for another suck, I tasted only paper now. Strange, I just sucked on it once and it was already gone.

I flicked the old bud away and did the motions again.

One heavy inhale. One heavy exhale.

And again, my bud was gone. Noticing now, my hands were shaking most violently. I should let the doctor see that later.

I take out another cigarette.

Again I did the motions.

Inhale. Exhale. Gone.

The sight of my eyes got blurry. That is no good at all, perhaps I am getting sick.

I take out another cigarette.

Again, gone.

My legs gave way as I fell on the floor. Maybe I am dying.

Another cigarette. And another. And another.

Empty. My package was empty. How absurd, there were about twenty buds in here just moments ago.

My head dropped down, seeing the many cigarette buds that littered my floor. Something then ran down my cheek as I went to touch the liquid.

They were tears.

I was crying.

Hah, I am crying over cigarettes! I can always get more, hah! I can always get more cigarettes! I can… Hah… can… haa… ha… ahh…

My despaired wails echoed through my room.

Pathetic.

Absolutely pathetic.


	18. Goodbye

All I did was stay in my room, not even bothering to go eat, less take a shower. Hah, a grown man like me was just sulking on the bed like a child. There was no point in doing this, but yet here I am, even after the truce had ended and even when the battle began hours ago. Well, it is only fair, because the BLUs are down one teammate. My team does not need me anyway, they never have. Everyone is mindlessly out there fighting, just going through the motions like the days before never happened.

Waste of time. All of this is a damn waste of time. It has been over thirty years since I started doing this same old routine day after day. Nothing ever changes. The people do not change, the goals, the places. Nothing. Absolutely fucking nothing.

I wobble off the bed before kneeling on the floor, just eyeing over all the dirty buds still spread about.

Just one.

Just one more cigarette that is all I am asking.

I began nicking dirty buds off the floor like a helpless addict, sucking and hissing to taste any of the nicotine– bon dieu just give me something!

While searching, I found a lone cigarette package just lying on the floor. Yes, yes, there must still be some in here, there must!

But alas, it was empty.

Still.

Empty.

My hands crush the flimsy cardboard into a ball, throwing it against the wall.

I hear a knock at my door. Slowly, I just stare at that door for some time. As much as I want to ignore it, there is something I am still waiting on and this may be it. Finally, I stand again, walking over and finally answering when the second knock began. The person steps back, bringing his arm down to his side. Of course, how could I forget that I had to deal with the DAMN Bushman.

“Whoa, er, wasn’t expectin’ yah without yer mask,” he stuttered some, fixing his glasses higher on his face.

I sigh back, “What is it? Am I going to get punished for blatantly skipping work _mon cher leader_,” my voice gets sarcastic near the end, truly giving less of a shit.

“Well, yah were goin’ to, but…” He stops for a moment, holding out a paper for me to take. “I got call from the admissions.” I eye at the paper before finally taking it, looking over the contents carefully. _Deportation forms_. Indeed, this was the sheet I have been waiting for. “Looks like we’re gonna get a new replacement,” the bushman quietly added on.

We stand about as he watches my eyes roll from one end to the sheet to the other. It was honestly distracting me and I did not understand why he has not left yet. The bushman opens his yap again, “Hey, yah feelin’ a’right?” Merde, would this man just shut up already!

“I am fine…” I mutter back, ignoring eye-contact.

“Yah don’t look fine–“

“I said I was FINE, Bushman,” my voice rises, my hands crumpling the ends of the flimsy sheet in my slight rage.

“I was just worried about yah, that’s all.” This man has the gall to act so huffy with me! He was the one who decided to run his mouth longer than needed be.

I finally bring the paper down and choked a laugh, “Worried?” My hand landed on my chest as I laughed again. “Tell me, were you even planning on rescuing me from before? Or were you so focused on kills that you cared little of your own teammates?” My words dug deep in the man’s pride, making the ends of his mouth twitch and his brow lower into a frown.

The bushman tries to retort an excuse, “It’s not like I didn’t want to! It just all happened so suddenly and–!”

“How an incompetent man– an incompetent _BUSHMAN_ such as you even became the leader!” I interrupt with little care, waiting for his next pitiful excuse over.

“I never asked for this damn role, it was just pushed on me because no one else was good enough!” His temper was completely exposed now. Honestly, I thought of the Snipers’ to be a fun competitive before, but now it is the same old tired song and dance with these men.

Another laugh, “And you spend your time complaining instead of improving? Perhaps admissions made a mistake with you.”

He huffed a laugh back before pointing his dirty finger at me, “Look, I ain’t goin’ to change yer mind how I do my job– in fact yah ain’t even part of the team anymore, so what yah said don’t even matter.”

“So I am neither your teammate nor an enemy. Pray tell, what am I to you, Bushman?” He crossed his arms, shaking his head, all disappointed.

“A bloke I just don’t get.”

How dare he say those words with that face––!

…Hah, Stupid. Stupid utter fool.

“We are done here,” I spitted back as my hand reaches for my doorknob.

“Now hold on!” The bushman slammed a hand on the door, stopping it.

Angrily I take a step forward, surprising the man as he takes a step back. “Why do you continue to play this game with me, bushman?!” He did not reply, only fiddling his hat about.

Perhaps I am just missing the obvious– yes, yes, it is something so simple, how could I miss it. The bushman is no different from the Doctor. He wishes for my comfort. He is standing right outside my door after all, it cannot be more obvious than that.

I laugh, “Ah, I get it. You wish for some compensation, oui? You are trying to persuade me with enough sweet and gentle lies so I am vulnerable enough for you? Mon cher, there is no need for that.”

The man’s eyes widen as he shook his head about, “What? What the hell are yah even sayin’ now?”

Another laugh, “Do not act so coy!”

I take another step, the man taking another back.

“I know–”

Another step.

“–how this–”

And another.

“–goes, bushman!”

Before long I had the man backed against the wall, just staring down, unsure on what to do. Quite a silly sight it was, this long legged man getting backed in a corner by a gentleman such as moi. And that reaction– such a great reaction, I must see more!

My grin widens, my tone softening, “Mon cher leader, you have all this power and you do not even bother abusing it.” The man was utterly puzzled with my words. Fine, I will give him a better hint.

Firmly, I cuffed at the bushman’s groin.

“Whoa, whoa, hey––!!” His hand instantly went to my arm, trying to pull it away. My other hand goes to his pants, tugging it down as his other hand pulls away the same. My face shoves closer to his, becoming nose to nose with the man now as his eyes beaded in the middle, most frighten.

My laughter mixes into snorting as I happily say aloud, “It is fine, because I am more than happy to give myself away. In fact, why not order everyone a round on me? That would be most fun, would it not?!”

The man was finally able to get my hands off him as he does a harsh push against me, making me fall backwards onto the floor.

How amusing, so amusing!

I instantly go into a snorting fit as I just sat there, head high in the air.

“What– What the hell was that? What’s gotten into yah?!” He continued his yelling, trying to get his bearings together and fixing up his pants.

My laughter was soon replaced with coughing as I covered my mouth, struggling to keep my breathing in control. The bushman’s anger quickly dissipates into a frown as he comes over, kneeling down and moving a hand towards me. “Oie, Spah–“

I smack it away, yelling through my coughs, “Do not touch me– Do not touch me!!”

“Settle down!” He finally grabbed a hold of my arm as I tried to pull away. “Hell, we need to get the Doc on yah.”

Another harsh cough, “I do not need the Doctor!”

“Yer a bleedin’ mess–!”

“I do not need your help either!!” I finally escape his grip as I stand, wobbling back onto my feet and towards my door, landing against it with a harsh smack. And of course the bushman hurried after, trying to help me stand as he grabbed onto my arms again. I cannot describe how much of a daft, pig-ignorant, crackbrained buffoon this man is!

Annoyance and anger was at an all-time high as I swung an arm back, backhanding the man so hard that his shades threw off his face, rattling and spinning away from our feet.

“Fuck sake!” he groans, one hand on his chin, rubbing away the pain. I take this opportunity to escape his grip, run back into my room, slam the door behind me and lock it tightly down. Banging and rattling quickly began, making me flinch slightly in surprise. “Spah! Dang it, Spah, open the door!” The man continued to pound and yell, but I denied any of his demands. All I did was lean against the door, a hand over my eyes, feeling the slight vibrates of the banging hitting my back. A loud weary sigh escapes me as my voice trembles and shakes.

I do not care what his true reasons are for acting– less attempting to act so kind. I just wish him gone from my eyes, silenced from my ears, and yards away from my touch.

Another sad sounding sigh as I then harshly plead over, “Bushman– Sniper, just go away. Please, just leave me alone…”

The pounding finally stops as a moment of silence passes between us.

The bushman spoke again more quietly, “Spah, just promise me you’ll go see the Doc, a’right?”

Another pause.

I believe a full minute passed before I finally hear the bushman’s shoes tap down the hallway. A heavy sigh escapes me as I slid against my door and drop to the floor. My head hurts, my throat is dry, and bon dieu, I should have asked the man for a cigarette. I just want a damn cigarette.

However long I was packing, I do not know. All I knew was that I was still on my second box, just staring inside its empty contents. Honestly, there was no purpose in packing, because everything I owned was going to be taken away.

I sit on my bed, hands holding up my forehead. It was only when my fingers brushed against my strands of hair that I realized how much of a mess it was. Greasy, and frizzled up, not hair of a proper gentleman, but a man who has worked countless hours slaving away at his job. I dare not check the rest of myself, because I doubt anything about me looks any better.

And putain d'enfer, someone is knocking at my door again! I stay on my bed, letting the knocking go on before I finally get up, annoyed how unnecessary loud the banging started to become. I open the door, finding Scout on the other side.

“Yo, Spy– Whoa, I didn’t see nothin’!” The boy brought his hand to his face, doing terribly to hide his eye-contact on me as he could easily see through the small cracks of his fingers.

Again, I sighed, “It is fine, move your hands away.” Unlike that bushman, I did not mind talking with the boy. Though, my patience with him was very thin. “Scout, I am quite busy right now, so do make it quick.”

The boy reveals himself and begins speaking again, “Yeah, yeah, I heard about ya leavin’ and all and…” A pause as he fidgets about where he stood. “Geesh, can’t believe I’m really doin’ this.” His hand rubs the back of his head before returning to his side again. “Look, I know we never really spent much time together, but the time we did, ya know, was fun. Just, well, just wish we could’ve gotten to know each other a little better.” Again, more fidgeting as he tugged playfully at his fingers. “Sooo… Err…”

Finally, the boy straightens together, held solid eye-contact on me and offers his hand out, wishing for my own to shake. “I’m glad to– Shit, hold on, hand’s a little dirty.” Swiftly, he brings it back, rubbing the palm through his pants. “God, I didn’t prepare for this at all.” After a few swipes, he offers it out again. “Just, anyway, I’m glad that I met a guy like you. Really, I mean it, Spy.”

The boy wishes for a simple handshake. No… No, I do not even give him that privilege as I uncaringly question back, “Was that all you needed?”

“Huh?” He stupidly blinked.

My fingers squeezed the bridge of my nose for a moment as I then yelled over, “Heavens’ sake– Do not waste my time with anymore of your worthless dribble, boy!”

I have never seen a Scout look so defeated, so overwhelmed with emotions that he could not even sputter out a jumbled mess of embarrassing jokes or words to make the situation less awkward.

His head dropped down as he brought his hand back to his side, squeezing it into a fist. The boy was truly fast because the next thing I know, his fist makes contact to my face. Harsh whines seethe through my teeth as I touch the mark.

He yells, choking on his words slightly, “Fuck this! Fuck you! Th-This is what I get for bein’ freakin’ nice for once! Fuckin’… Fuckin’ asshole!” The boy then rushes down the hallway, going wherever his feet wish to take him.

My hand does another rub on my cheek as I hiss out again from the touch.

I close the door, hurrying to my washroom to check the damage in the mirror. The boy really slugged me good as he left quite a large darken mark near my eye. Ah, looking at myself now, I am truly in a pitiful mess. Red and black sockets around my eyes, my dark hair just falling from the stems, even my lip is drying up and cracking. I do not even want to get started on my wrinkled up suit. I really should clean myself up.

My hand then ends up on my stomach, only now noticing how empty it felt. Maybe I will go and eat something later. Yes, that sounds nice.

…

…

Resting was subpar, but I do not feel as cranky as I was yesterday.

Right now, I was in my washroom, flicking some water away before grabbing a clean towel nearby to dry my face. I then check my watch; thirty minutes till six. Everyone is most likely asleep still, and my ride will most likely not be here for another hour or so. That is fine, I just wish to leave unnoticed.

Checking myself over one last time, I stretch out my balaclava and place it over my face. I leave the washroom, my next destination being my bed as I take my suitcase by the handle. Once I get to my door, I take one last look at the miserable trash heap I left behind before finally heading out. As I walked down the hallway, I stop at the boy’s door, just staring at it for some time before continuing on. The same was done for the bushman as well.

When I make it to the entrance, I am caught by surprise. Someone was standing right outside the front, quietly looking up at the dimly darken sky. It was the Doctor. It was a rare sight as he looked unprofessional, dressed in his casual wears and with quite the bed hair. He hears my footsteps and turns, smiling as he watches me approach him.

“Yes, Doctor?” I tiredly ask, already having a good idea why he was standing here.

Calmly, he tells me, “I vish to say goodbye.”

A quiet chuckle escapes me, “You woke up just to say that?”

“Its proper etiquette.” He makes quite possibly the most terrible excuse I have ever heard. It does not matter, if the Doctor wishes to say his goodbyes, I will not stop him.

Medic looked away for a moment, staring up at the sky again before continuing, “If I ever came off rude before, I apologize.”

I shake my head, “That is unneeded.” His eyes are back on me, more sad-looking than before.

“I was needlessly rude. You did not deserve to be berated by me.” The man held quiet again, squeezing his gloveless hands together and frowning. He then asks, “Herr Spy, vhy did you go for such a man?” Those words lingered in my thoughts for a moment, even when I knew the answer as clear as day.

“Opportunity,” I exclaim. “The man showed weakness, and it is my job to exploit such weakness for he was my enemy.”

A pause before the Doctor again asks, “Vas I veak as vell?”

I nod, “Yes. And it was my job to control such weakness, less my counterpart got to you first.” Medic’s eyes were on the ground now, too ashamed to even look at me. “You cannot become weak, monsieur Medic. You will never survive here long if you do.”

He nods and quietly mutters, “Ja, I know. I know.” Another pause as I wait to see if the Doctor wished to say anything more. His head raised finally, mouth opening and closing, hesitating to speak. “If I can, I vish for a request.” A pause. “May… May I see your face?” I thought for a moment, eyes lowering some in tiredness.

I accept his request and say, “Excuse the bruise.” I sit my bag down on the ground as my hands reach my neck, tugging at the ends of my balaclava and swiftly pulling it off.

Medic’s eyes widen slightly as he takes a long look at me, face growing pinker the more he stared. Slowly, he takes a couple steps forward, standing right in front of me now. He moves his hand closer to my face, gently rubbing a thumb where my bruise laid.

The man happily sighs, “You have such a handsome face, herr Spy.”

I touch his hand, not letting it linger for more than a moment before moving it away from my face and dropping it in the air. Medic frowns, taking a step back, holding his hands tightly together again.

This was always the worst part of this job, the cold rejection and truth that many men cannot accept to be real. What I do is not out of love or care, but for satisfaction. The concept of love is non-existing to me, and it always will be.

“I must be off.” I tell him, placing the balaclava back on my face. I grab my bag and begin walking again. The Doctor did not look at me as I walked passed him, his eyes again on the floor.

It was only when I had reached the spiral bridge that I heard him rush over, calling out quite loudly, “Herr Spy, zhere is someone zhat I know– he may be able to let your transgressions slide vith admissions!” I stop and turn, watching as the Doctor stops where he was, panting aloud.

All I did was smile and say, “Thank you, Doctor. But again, that is unneeded.” Then I turn around again, my smile quickly fading into a frown. “Goodbye,” were the last words I say over as I continued my way towards the second point, and wait for the helicopter to take me away.


	19. Time

The building they escorted me at was quite in a secluded location; even I did not know where they had taken me. As we landed, I was greeted to the most unpleasant welcome as two fine gentlemen politely stole my bags and equipment right from my hands. _‘Personal safety reasons’, _they said_. _How cute of them to lie, but it was most unneeded. A part of me wishes I could have fired that gun one last time. Alas, my things are most likely being process through a machine and being turned into scrap.

The entrance was office-like, a big desk in the center with chairs littered on both sides of the walls. There were two hallways, one left and right and two elevators in the front, colored and both labeled RED and BLU. There was also a peculiar distracting looking plant on top of the desk, bright, healthy and greedy for another pint of water.

Quietly, I sat on one of the chairs on the RED side. Minutes go by before a half an hour passed– I believe anyway, my watch had left my side and there was no clock anywhere in this building.

Soon, an elevator on the BLUs side opens as someone hurries out.

“I am so sorry for the wait!” A younger woman’s voice called out. Indeed, a young woman in purple, wearing huge glasses that covered most of her face. Her introduction was… interesting as she fumble about, papers flying from her hands with every step as she circles to catch them mid-air. She makes it to where I am, almost crashing into me as another paper flies by my face. Her eyes meet mine as she awkwardly sputtered out a laugh, trying ever so hard to hold straight as she stepped back a few feet.

The woman hurried to her desk, flicking hair and rounding it around her ear as it easily slid off to the side. I get up and follow behind, stopping and standing in the front of the desk.

She asks, “May I see your papers? If you have any, that is.”

My hand goes through my pocket, taking out the crumpled sheet of paper and handing it over to her.

I apologize, “Pardon, it is most rude of me to hand you this mess.”

She just chuckles back, “No, no, totally fine– we’re lucky to even get a sheet back, let alone a person who is so willing.”

Indeed, some ignore such rules, foolishly denying an _invitational call_ from admissions in hopes the problem will just vanish into thin air. Those men have their respawn switched off, dying without knowing any better. Just like real war itself.

The woman adjusts her glasses, checking over the paper before carefully peeling it apart and pressing it straight again. “You’re the appointment– let’s see.” Her eyes go to her computer, tapping loudly and skimming through. “D… D…” she mutters before happily tapping a finger down on the screen. “Dimitri, Lamont?”

It had been so long sense I heard my name that I had to think over if it was truly mine or a mere fake I created.

I nod, calmly speaking, “Yes, that is me.”

“The appointment is to meet the administrator, correct? Oh… Oooh, for that reason,” she commented to herself louder than needed be. Her eyes go on me as her shoulders slightly rose in realization. “Crap– Sorry, so sorry!” She fumbled off her seat, hands tightly on her clipboard as she fidgets about where she stood. “Uhm… Let me show you the way.” She hurries herself towards the RED hallway as I follow after, hands behind my back.

We make it to a large door, quite larger than the ones we passed by getting here.

“She’s waiting for you inside,” the young woman exclaims. I nod, thanking her for guiding me here as I grab at the door’s handle. But as I was about to open the door, the young woman suddenly does an abrupt cough, surprising me as I take my hand off. “Ahem, your…” Her hand sat on her mouth before pointing at my face. My eyes go to her finger before back at her head. “She would be upset if you did not present your face to her.” My hand went to my mask, my eyes lowering some as I sigh. Reaching lower, I tug at the ends of my balaclava.

The young woman started fumbling about with her hand out again, waving in a panic. “Oh, you do not have to show it in front of me!” I stopped, exposing only the ends of my mouth as I go to look at her. The two of us stared at each other, most awkwardly. She puffed up her cheeks before blowing them out again. “Soo… I’ll just be going– leaving, excuse me.” She pointed a thumb back, taking a few steps back before turning around and taking her leave.

I wait another moment before finally removing the rest of my balaclava. My hand went through my hair, feeling the slight messy clump of strands I could care less about fixing. I want to kick past me, because I have no excuse to be presenting myself to admissions like this. But I am already right outside the door. It is best I get this done and over with before my mind starts persuading me otherwise.

My hand reached towards the handle again as I open the door. What was inside was a darken room, surrounded by hundreds of televisions screens, playing hundreds of battles all at once. There she sat in a huge chair in the middle of it all– the administrator herself. Smoke fumed from her mouth, layering a thick grey cloud around her.

“Victory!” She cackles in the mic before taking another suck to her bud. She had yet to notice, let alone hear me as I quietly close the door behind. It seems unsafe for a woman to be so open and alone; I could easily just run up to her and snap her neck with ease. But such actions are unneeded brutalism, ones that I need to forget and erase from my memory.

I take another step forward before she finally speaks out, “That is close enough.” My feet freeze in place, standing as straight as I can. 

The administrator pressed a button and all the videos stop simultaneously. Her chair then circles around, one leg over another, eyes locked on me, mine locked on hers. Such a woman looked as old as I, black hair turning grey straight down the middle, wrinkles draping down her cheeks and chin. The years have permanently given her a frown as well, showing off quite a threating and uncaring demeanor that unsettled even me.

She begins, “A grand total of nine million. That is nine hundred thousand dollars wasted a day, did you know that?”

Calmly, I reply, “No, ma’dam.”

“That’s the amount we lost from a single mercenary– excuse me, from a single _good_ mercenary.” She takes a suck to her bud, blowing out more smoke and thickening the cloud a deeper grey. “Just a minor inconvenience– there is always more men willing to throw their lives away.” She waved a hand in the air, circling back around to look at her monitors.

There was a moment of silence as she does another suck. “But this is a minor inconvenience we wish not to happen again. Sadly, that may be unavoidable as well considering _you _are here.” She did another suck, one deeper than before. “You should know it yourself that weapons are replaceable. Time is not. You have to make every precious second count, less its time wasted.” Again, she circled back around. With another long drag, she flicks some ash off her bud and firmly exclaims, “And you have wasted eight hundred and sixty-four thousand seconds of my precious time, and counting.”

I keep quiet, eyes having trouble keeping contact on her. The bud leaves her mouth as she digs it into the tray, letting the smoke fizzle out and die. Her hands held tightly together, staring me down like a troublemaking child ready for a scolding. “Do you wish to keep your job?” Her tone was firm, her patience quickly dying.

Swiftly and calmly, I replied, “I do not know what else to do. I have spent so many years killing and deceiving. It is all I know now.”

“Do you enjoy your line of work?”

“No, ma’dam. Not one bit,” I admit, knowing any lies I wish to say would only anger her more.

“Are you able to work?”

Courage had left me as I held my mouth shut.

She asks again, “Are you able to work, _Mr. Lamont_?”

I end up stuttering, “I… I do not know.” It was an answer I did not expect to say, I will be honest. I came here willing, expecting little pity nor mercy. But now the fear of death was crawling up my spine. How tragic, some part of me has the will to live still– hah! Absurd.

The administrator’s expression changed little, just staring with her chin high in the air.

I heave a breath, “If you wish of me disposed of, so be it. I will not fight back.”

“That would be quite a shame. Your _kind_ is far hard to come by these days. The good ones anyway.” She slightly swerves to the right, eyes off me now. “I make many rules here, but a specialist's job is not one of them.” She then sighs, sounding almost disappointed. “Honestly, Mr. Lamont, if I was given the offer I would let your kind freely expose your face however you wish.” A smile surprisingly appears on her face. “The marvelous wonders of hats.” She does another loud cackle. “A raining money maker at little cost! Oh, but now I am the one wasting time here.”

The chair swerves to the front, her eyes sternly staring back on me, impatience truly showing on her face. “I will ask one last time, Mr. Lamont. _Are you able to work_?”

There is a noise of two doors swinging wide open, creaking loudly and slamming closed again.

Then, a loud cheerily voice echoes against the walls, “Hallo, excuse me~!”

There is a sudden surprised emotion on the woman’s face before it turns into a scowl again. An annoyed groan escapes from the administrator’s mouth as she ran a hand up her forehead, rubbing it. “Oh for heaven’s sake–! I ask the girl to do one simple job and she cannot even do that?!” She complained aloud, most furious looking now.

Another… interesting person appears, waltzing right in, humming and smiling as he stood next to me. It was a Medical man by his looks, wearing neither the color RED or BLU but normal medical garments. He looked far older than most other medics but healthy and spry, and smiling far too happily it even disturbed me.

“Good, good, you are still here! It vould be most unfortunate to come here to find a corpse zhis time,” his cheerfulness continued, expressing his hands all about before clasping them together.

“Pa-Pardon, but who are you?” Again, I end up stuttering, most perplexed on what just befell me.

“Doctor Friedrich,” The administrator answers for me. “He is one of are more special Medics’. If he wasn’t, he would be castrated on the spot for barraging into my room without permission. _Again_.” She deadpans near the end.

The Doctor chortles, “Unsinn, you have not used such methods in quite some time.”

The administrator sighs, “Do explain your reasoning for being here, Doctor Friedrich. And please, do not say it is more of your inane experimental ideas that do not involve the company.”

He chuckles, “Vell, very yes, but somevhat no– it is mostly yes zhough, I assure you!” And again, the woman grumbled out, hands going to her tray only to be disappointed with a bent and spent bud. The doctor held a smile and continued, “It is an experiment I’ve been vorking on for some time, and I just know you’ll love it! It vill change how mercenaries are handle– more money saved, less money loss. I just need a villing subject to undergo zhrough it and zhis–!” His hands clamp my shoulders, shaking me about slightly. “Zhis is who I exactly need! It vould be most beneficial for my vork if he is kept alive, at least for ze moment, ja?”

Her hands hastily snap a lighter she pulled out, eyes lazily looking back at the man as she tries to light the new bud in her mouth.

“Well, how _convenient,_” she says with her lip snarling upward.

The Doctor happily nodded back and replied, “Indeed, most_ convenient_!” I have never seen a braver, or perhaps more foolish man than I have now. His eyes go to me for a moment and I just stare back, utterly mystified. “He vas good Spy, yes?” He comments back to admissions.

“Lasted longer than most,” she admits, surprising me on not only the praise but the very small hint of a smile. “And this experiment is?”

“Top secret!” The childish bursting sound of joy made something inside me cringe.

But all the administrator did this time was just laugh, “Of course. Like always.” She finally lit her bud, deeply sucking on it. Smoke blew upward as she leaned a little in her seat, being eerily quiet. The Administrator speaks to me, “You still have yet to answer my question, Mr. Lamont.” All I did was hold silent. “I believe you have an understanding how the Medics’ work? They are very engaged in their work more than they are their patient,” the administration then added on with a small chuckle.

“Now zhat is not alvays true– Unless having zhem dead proves more useful zhan alive!” The doctor happily laughed, eager to hear my response.

An opportunity has been presented to me, one I did not expect to encounter at all. When I left, I was more than happy to let fate punish me for my crimes. Now, I do not understand what fate wants of me, let alone its reason in giving me another chance. Perhaps it thought how utterly pathetic it was for me to take the easy way out. 

I internally laugh.

Very well, if this is my chance for _redemption_, then I will have it no other way. Even if this ends up getting me killed in the end as well.

Finally, I gave my answer, “Whatever this man needs, I will go through with it.”

The doctor happily claps, “How vonderful! Most vonderful!”

The admissions smiles and mouths through her bud, “Good to know I won’t be losing another nine million.”

The door swings open again as the woman in purple enters with a pant and gasp. Hands went on her knees as she hunched forward, looking most tired.

“Ma’am– Ma’am! Ohh boy… Excuse me, one moment.” Her hand went out as she continued breathing where she stood. She did a loud intake of air and begins talking again, “I am truly sorry, but he showed up during a phonecall–!”

“Take these mens leave, will you kindly?” The administrator demands.

The woman blinks, “Huh?”

She repeats again, teeth clenching through certain words, “Take these mens _leave_, will you _kindly_?” The videos begin again as the Administrator circles around, watching them play out one by one, ignoring us completely now.

The younger woman circles more hair around her ear and tries to clear her throat.

Another quick clear as she stammers out, “Yes– Right, uhm, right this way.” She points her finger at the door as she starts hurrying out, the Doctor following after her.

Before I follow out as well, I bow my head over to admissions and tell her, “Thank you, ma’dam.” She said nothing back, deep in tranced with the videos on the screen to pay any attention to me anymore. Soon, the three of us take our leave out the room, hearing the happy cackling’s of the Administration as we do.

We step a few feet from the door before the Doctor asked over to the woman, “Zhanke you, but I can take the man from here. Ja?” The woman nods back, fixing her glasses up and hurrying her way down the hallway.

I finally find the moment to speak and ask over, “Pardon, but how did you happen to find me?” 

The Doctor turns to me and exclaims, “Oh, an old coworker called me about your predicament and I just had to rush over here and make you mine.”

I sighed to myself. Simpleton, I told _him_ his help was unneeded.

The Doctor suddenly and quietly added on, “It was not like I could deny his request anyway.” He seemed content at first, but slowly did sadness overwhelm him. It did not last long as he looks at me, grinning widely once again. It was a subtle change, but a change that meant no business of mine.

“And these experiments?” I then asked, most curious on what he wished of me.

“Yes, do follow me and I’ll explain more in my office,” he began speaking while walking, stopping when I was too slow to follow. “Do hurry… Oh, excuse my memory– Laa– Luu– Leee?”

A small smile appears on my face as I tell him, “It is Lamont.”

He happily begins anew, “Do hurry, Herr Lamont, we have much to get done!”

I do such that and follow closely behind. The two of us head down the hallway, the Doctor guiding me down to my new path of fate.


	20. Mercenary

The Doctor and I continued down the hallway before finally stopping at a giant two-sided swinging door. We entered what seemed to be a medical room. Anymore inspections ended there as the two of us were greeted to a bundle of flapping wings and feathers flying about.

“Shush, shush, no need to fret,” The Doctor said, quickly hurrying about the room, trying to catch and calm the frantic white pigeons– doves– I do not know what type of bird they were.

All I did was shift past the birds flying about, not wanting them to touch or dirty my clothes.

“What is with the birds?!” I just blurt out, watching one of them staring me down with its beady black eyes. The Doctor finally catches a bird, caressing the small animal in his hands and shushing it quiet.

“Oh no need to worry, zhey are harmless– Scheisse!” The Doctor swore, shaking away the finger the bird just bit him on. He stands stern and clears his throat, “Ahem, zhey just need to be trained, zhat’s all.” My eyes go to the bird he held as it quickly bobbed its head about quite mindlessly.

It was not easy to do– nor was it pleasant– but we finally get all the birds back into their cages. The Doctor does one last sweep about, throwing away the dirty feathers and fecal matters left behind. We both scrub our hands thoroughly through the sink before shaking them dry. His attention was on me again as he fixes his glasses and brushes away any feathers still left on his medical dress.

He spoke out all cheerfully, “I never realized how beautiful doves were until I came across Mr. Ludwig’s vorks. Such marvelous books– zhat is a Doctor I hold great respect for, ja!”

“I believe I am not familiar of this Mr. Ludwig,” I admit, going through my deepest of memories and not once coming across such a name.

“Scheißt du mich?” he suddenly swore out in German.

“No, I am not _shitting_ you,” I repeat with a smile on my face.

He apologizes, “Excuse my language, but I did not expect such a question.”

As he tells me more, I recall similar men he was talking about. Fairytales and rumors murmured by one mercenary to the next. They were men labeled the best of the best of the company, and also the worse. I believe I remember one of them being called Jane Doe. What a ridiculous name; of course such men were merely stories to keep morale high. That and Spies’ were not allowed to fumble so easily in their work that they end up impregnating a woman_– _no excuses, reckless behavior and nothing more!

“About these experiments,” I asked before another distraction suddenly arose.

“Oh yes, forgive me for keeping you in ze dark.” The Doctor walked over to a small locker in the corner, searching through before pulling out a Medi-gun. “See Medi-gun? As you know, it can easily repair any parts of a man with ease.” He pointed it over and pulled back the handle, letting the beam rejuvenate me. Such mechanical wonders felt so soothing on the body. The Doctor begins exclaiming, “It has its limits_–_ It cannot simply revive ze dead after all. It would make our jobs pointless if no one could die, ja? It’s also incapable of healing much if any old scar tissue.” He then turns it off, bringing me back from my slight daze.

He begins again as he returns the weapon back into the locker, “Respawn vorks pretty similar to ze Medi-gun– Even better I vould say! A single strain of DNA is placed into ze system, reforming ze person togezher like a jigsaw puzzle. With how good respawn is at reforming, a zhought came upon me one day.” He paused, looking most excited to speak his next sentence. “Change. Can it handle changes as vell? Minor scar tissue and surprisingly the animal parts seem to cause little to no issues– I do need to look into zhat more.”

_“Animal parts?”_ I said to myself.

“I did question many of the Engineers and zhey do not feel any difference going zhrough respawn with zheir mechanical parts. At first, I zhought my questions vere answered, but zhose men have their DNA intertwined with ze machinery already zhat ze respawn sees no changes because, to it, it is zheir original DNA.”

I interrupt with a hand out, giving the Doctor a breather as he exhaled loudly.

I gave my own answer to his questions, “You wish to see how well it can reconstruct someone whose parts are… different from the original? Like a prosthetic of sorts?

He nodded eagerly, “Ja, zhat is correct! Changes that can easily go zhrough respawn vithout causing problems or mutating a person’s whole body structure back to its original.”

So that is what the Doctor is planning. To have one’s parts be changed into something different, something not part of themselves anymore. Truly, only a madman would think of such crazed ideas.

The Doctor hurried back towards his medical desk, shooing me away as I go over and sit on the medical bed close by. There, he began searching through the cabinets and drawers. “Zhere is an old colleague of mine who has mentioned how many of your kind get swiped away by admissions because you showed a single strand of hair on your head! I could not believe such a zhing at first– merely being punished for showing your hair or face? Lächerlich!” He scuffed through his searching.

Curious, I asked, “Is this man a Spy as well?”

“Indeed. Zhough, it has been quite some time sense I last saw him. I do hope he is doing vell.” The doctor sighed out quietly. “Ah, but we are here to talk about experiments now.” The Doctor turns to me, holding what seemed to be a giant file in his hands. He waves a hand over for me to come back as he sets the file on the desk. As I made it back over, he motioned his hand over to the file, asking me to flip it open. So, I do.

What appeared inside were varies papers and pictures of a mercenary from each class, each with their own list of quirks and information. It was quite intriguing to see such info; how bullet spreads work, how fast a mercenary can reload not only their guns but secondary utensils, and the chances of something called a _critical hit_. That is a strange way to put it, but it seems to imply shots that hit the most vital parts of a person at varying intervals.

“Was this made by the company?” I asked, still flipping through.

“Nein, I made it,” he explains, making my eyebrow raise in doubt. The man seemed to be telling the truth, but his expressions were hard to see through.

“So this is what you believe is the average mercenary?”

“I’ve vorked very hard on gathering such information,” he happily replied. One would think the Doctor went into the wrong profession if he is this interested in writing down such scandalous data. Though, I will have to admit, he is quite _blunt_ in some of his descriptions that the more sensitive of mercenaries may take offense– what absurdity, I do not snort! Ahem, I do not snort like a pig anyhow.

Again, I was quite clueless what this man truly wished of me and asked, “Excuse me, but what is the purpose of showing me this?”

The Doctor laughed, “Ah, this is just somzhing that vill help you in your decision making.”

Again, I raised my eyebrow in curiosity, “Decision?”

“Vell not only vill your looks change, you vill be taking up a different class as well.”

“Pardon, but I did not believe I would be going back to the field again.” It was true, I thoroughly believe I was going to spend the rest of my days as a braindead labrat for the _insane_– for the _rational_ Doctor.

“Vhy throw away a mercenary vhen one can change him a new?” He hurried closer to me, his finger pointing and tapping at a picture of the Heavy. “Say you pick herr Heavy here. You vill have to learn how to use zheir mini-gun. Also, you may have to gain a few pounds in, vell, every part of your body,” he joked as he circled a hand over his stomach.

I shake my head, “I do not think Heavy is my type of work.”

“Vell, how about being a Doctor like me?” His finger ran across the paper, tapping at a picture of the Medic.

Again I just shake my head, “I am not skilled in the medical profession.”

“Do not vorry if you are skilled or not, most of us do not even have a license!" He laughed aloud, "Hah! Excuse me, I alvays vanted an excuse to say zhat, I did!” I believe what he said was a joke. I believe so anyway. The Doctor slid his finger to the picture of the Engineer. “How about Herr Engineer? You must have learned a few zhings from these men.”

Rudely I keep quiet, oddly distracted. My eyes were stuck on the image of the suppose Sniper. Similar looking in a way, but with subtle changes from the Snipers’ I have met over the years. It was close, but not quite enough to be _him_.

The Doctor notices my staring and says, “Herr Sniper?”

“I was… debating about it,” a small lie, but one not far from the truth.

“How boring,” he nonchalantly replied.

I almost take offense and asked, “Boring?”

“Vell, Spies’ and Snipers’ structures are not so different from ze other, ja? Sure, Snipers’ have a little more meat on zheir bone, but your classes are quite lanky in height. Zhough, for you, I might need to add some extra height in your legs.” His finger pointed down at my legs.

“I am not sure if I want plate implants,” I told him, quite unnerved at the thought.

The Doctor just laughed, “Do not vorry, I will simply enlarge ze bone.” The man waved a hand, seeming quite carefree for my own liking. He then suddenly grabbed a hold of my cheeks, examining my face back and forth. “Hrm, just slight facial changes here and zhere… Simple vork. Again, how boring.” He finally let’s off as I give a good rub down of my face. “If you vanted to give me real challenge, you vill let me reconfigure you as a Demoman!”

There was a moment of pause as I look back at the image of the Sniper.

“Yes. Yes, Sniper is fine,” I reassure him my answer.

He clapped once and said, “Vonderful.” The file was shut abruptly as he takes it away and throws it into one of his many cabinets. “Oh, how skilled do you find yourself using zheir gun?”

I think for a moment and asked, “I do not suppose you have a spare rifle around?”

“Here you go!” I blinked for a moment and as I opened my eyes again, the Doctor held out a normal Sniper rifle in his hands. My eyes go to the gun before eyeing back at him. All he did was happily smile, unnerving me quite a lot. I suppose I should ask where or why he even had such a weapon… On second thought, perhaps it is best I do not ask.

As I take the weapon, the doctor then snatched a small glass beaker on his desk, placing it on the medical bed. “Vill this do? It is all I have zhat I could care less about.”

“It is fine. But do you truly wish for me to use this weapon inside?”

“Just please do not harm ze birds or else I vill have to arrange a coffin instead,” he laughed out, though his joke was more of a threat than anything else.

I assure him with a nod, waving a hand for him to move away. With what little I learned, I did not want to accidently ruin my chance of redemption. The Doctor went to his door, watching eagerly for the results. I move a far as I can, finding a spot far enough– about thirty-feet at most.

One inhale.

Quietly, I repeated to myself, "One hand at the end of the trigger, the other at the handle while keeping my head in the upright position."

One exhale.

And steadily, I aimed.

_Bang!_

The glass shatters into pieces, leaving only the bottom behind. Birds flutter and shake in their cages from the noises, screeching out cries and wails and wishing for freedom again. Even with the frantic noises and rustling, the Doctor seemed to care little of the chaos and just happily clapped over, most amused. A heavy sigh escapes me as I end up placing a hand on my chest.

“Was that good enough?” I breathily asked the Doctor. His clapping stopped as all he did was just shrug, seeming to care less on my performance now.

He then tells me, “You hit it, ja? I am just a doctor, Herr Lamont, I do not know how a rifle vorks.”

The Doctor than hurried pass me and to his desk again, looking once more through his things. “Ve have much to do, much to get done!” He spoke aloud, shutting and opening drawers until huffing all annoyed. “I do not have everyzhing I need in here! Herr Lamont, pardon, but I vill be taking my leave for the moment.” Without even giving me a chance to reply, the Doctor escapes the room, leaving me alone with the many white beady eye birds staring me down.

Eyes went down, looking at the rifle I held tightly in my hands. I sit the weapon carefully against the bed. And patiently I waited for the Doctor to make his return.


	21. Professional

_A memory cropped up, one during the time I spent with Flynn._

_It was another one of our nights during ceasefire, and I was holding onto his rifle quite awkwardly. There, I stood, shakily aiming for the bottle that was mere feet away. And Flynn was a few feet behind me, watching and waiting for me to hit it._

_I went with the motions, breathing in and out and muttering the words he repeated over to me many times, “One hand at the end… upright position…”_

_I take aim._

_Bang!_

_The bottle bursts into pieces, leaving only the bottom behind._

_Flynn cheered, running over and shaking my shoulder in congratulation, “Now that one was a ripper! Ya learn pretty fast, Spook.”_

_I turn my head and smile back, praising myself the same, “I have to or less I would not be doing my job well.” Even as I said this, I end up fumbling about, trying to figure out how to reload the gun again._

_A small chuckle came from Flynn, “Chamber’s here, mate.” Hands touched mine, showing me the motions I needed to know to reload a new bullet. After he helped me get another bullet inside, he then hurried over to the broken bottle, placing a new one further away in its place._

_“This’ll be about thirty feet. See if yah can hit that,” he called out, hurrying passed and behind me again._

_I huff a laugh, “Child’s play.” And again I aim straight._

_My concentration was startled when Flynn spoke out, “Hey, I actually didn’t expect yah comin’ around again.” My gun lowers as I looked over to him. “Or, I didn’t expect yah comin’ around without yah tryin’ to weasel some things outta of me.”_

_A slight pause before I lied over, “You are not dumb, so there would be no reason to.”_

_He chuckled. “Ah, knew there was a catch. Still, appreciate it.” _

_Again, the man believed my lie. One of my many lies I had told him, not once denying my words. Foolish man, did he forget the type of person he was dealing with here. I am a Spy, and any praise or good-will is for my own benefits alone. I do not care about any appreciation, especially from my own enemy. Yes, Flynn was my enemy. Now, he is but a mere stranger who does not even know I exist._

_Everything we did never happened. _

_But that is wrong._

_If such a thing was the truth, a dream like this should not be happening. I should not even know how to properly hold this gun, let alone fire it straight. If that damned man was just who I believed he was, than this kill would have been no different from the rest. If Flynn just acted like a filthy cock-eyed bushman like the rest of them, I would not be having such… regrets._

_Memories from here on were lies and nothing more._

_I spoke, “…You are right.”_

_“Hm?” Flynn’s attention was on me now._

_“I have no interest in your profession, nor did I care about learning how to use this weapon.” Carelessly I dropped the rifle as it clatters against the gravel and sand. Flynn did not speak a complaint, just staring at the rifle before back at me, far too calm and collected. “The games, the drinks and the smokes, I cared little about it. Everything was exploitation alone,” I continued spilling the truth, and yet Flynn still held silent._

_Flynn did another chuckle, a sadder one than before, “Hah, guess yah sayin’ I wasn’t dumb was a lie as well.”_

_I nod, “Yes.”_

_He smiled, “Hey, I don’t hate yah.”_

_“Of course you do not, you are a mere figment of my imagination. Why would I tell myself the truth when lying makes it easier?!” My voice rises at him, but Flynn’s calming expression did not change._

_“Even if it was all a lie, it was still fun. I just wish it lasted a bit longer.”_

_I held my hands tightly together as my eyes fell to the ground now, ashamed to make any more eye-contact. I hear Flynn’s steps as they grew ever so closer before stopping right in front of me. Slowly, I looked up again, finding Flynn staring down. His gloved hand reached out, resting on my cheek, making me realize that my balaclava was not even on my face anymore._

_“Perhaps I lied again,” I began, stopping for only a moment. My hand went on top of his, squeezing it slightly. “It… it was fun. Just a little.” Then, I moved his hand off my face, dropping it in the air. Flynn sighed and stepped a foot back, hands in his pockets now. He turned, staring outward at the darken ocean._

_“Hey, think if I was on yer team, we could’ve been pals?” He asked, still staring outward._

_A quiet chuckle escapes me, “We would have been sick of the other day one.”_

_“Yeah, that’s usually how it goes between us and yah Spooks.” Flynn tipped his hat down, the shade hiding his eyes. “If only things went better, and if we met again as teammates–“_

_“That would be an impossibility,” my voice was firm and most cold._

_“Yeah, guess it would,” Flynn sighed again._

_Another pause as silenced circled around us, the eerie noises of the wind and waves creating ambience._

_Flynn takes his hat off, looking at it for a moment before placing it on my head, the front sliding over my eyes. “Yer gonna be takin’ my place now, so get some more practice in that gun, yah hear me?”_

_I bring it further up, just staring back at him in utter bewilderment._

_“This is yours, Flynn,” I quietly say._

_He just shook his head, “Not anymore.”_

_Soon, Flynn just started to walk away from me. Truly my dreams were becoming nonsensical as I just watched Flynn step off the ledge, walking on thin air and towards the horizon. He turns around, calling out, “Remember how I told yah to hold it, right? Don’t yah forget it! Yah learnt from a professional after all.”_

_I did not reply, just staring at the sight in front of me. My thoughts came around, realizing how much of a distance Flynn had place between us. No, no I do not wish to see him gone yet. Just for a little longer, I wish to be with him. Just for a little longer!_

_So, I ran. I ran to him as fast as I could and even when I got to the ledge I foolishly jumped, not even caring for my own safety in the process. I expected to plunge to my death but I ended up holding onto something, my hands frantically gripping on what seem to be cloth and leather. My eyes shoot up, finding that Flynn is holding onto me._

_ _

_“Whoa, whoa! Scared me there, Spook. Yah should watch where yer jumpin’, could’ve gotten yerself killed now,” he laughed with a smile. Before long, Flynn is holding me up in a bridal carry as he then walked towards the edge. He helped me down onto land again, making sure my feet hit the ground before letting go. But even so, I continued to hold onto his vest, not wishing to let go. His gloved hand touched mine, squeezing it. “Yah shouldn’t give yer life away that easily, Spah,” he suddenly told me as I expose my surprise over. He then slowly moves my hand away, dropping it in the air._

_“Ye- Yes, you are correct,” I clumsily stuttered, doing my best to clear my throat and calm myself. I take a step away from him, hands tightly together now. Flynn showed me that toothy smile of his, and I returned a sad looking smile of my own. _

_He thumbs back and tells me, “Sorry, but I gotta go git now, a’right?” My smile dissipated into a frown, again exposing far too much of myself. “Hey, yah never know what the future holds, Spah. Even if the chances are slim, we may meet each other again.”_

_I shake my head and quietly replied, “Far optimistic thinking… my friend.”_

_Another warm smile as Flynn says, “When we do, you gotta say that again in person, a’right?”_

_My smile returned the same as I nodded back, “But of course.”_

…

…

Truly, I have lost count on how many times I found myself awakening in the medical room, on a medical bed. The bright lights above blur my vision for a moment as I rapidly blink, trying to gain focus. My eyes circled around, finding the Doctor sitting at his desk– though he was not in his medical dress anymore but in more common casual wears. He swings around in his chair, finally noticing me and smiling.

The Doctor takes a single sip of the coffee he held before speaking over, “Ah, you are finally avake, ja? I vas unsure if I had overdosed you vith too much anesthesia or not and accidently made you permanently brain dead,” he laughed some before calming down again. “You are not brain dead, correct?”

I blink again, slowly replying, “I am a little woozy– Pardon, but how long was I out for?”

“Exactly twenty-eight hours, twenty-four minutes, thirty-one seconds and counting,” he told aloud, sounding like he was praising himself for such perfect memorization.

The moment the Doctor said that I felt an uncomfortable urge below me tingle. While my legs were wobbling as I stood, I was not going to let that deter me on my destination.

“Restroom,” I blurted aloud.

The Doctor pointed over at another door with a picture of a unisex sign.

“Ah, but perhaps I should remind you–” the Doctor then called out, but I was only half paying attention to him as more important matters were on my mind.

Mon Dieu, I really needed to piss.

Sighing in satisfaction, I disposed of all the filthy liquid from my body and flushed the toilet. With how blissful I was, I had yet to notice the strange appearance reflecting back in the mirror as I went to wash my hands. Done with the cleaning, I finally looked up, finding that the image reflecting back was… not of my own.

A high-pitched scream, one I thought to be someone else until I realized it was me who was screaming.

I leave the bathroom in a panic, finding The Doctor still sitting where he was, sipping away and expressing that same cheerily smile. He takes another sip, circling his cup around and speaking, “I vanted to varn you, but you just ignored me– Oh, do calm down– deep breaths, Herr Lamont.” He sat his cup on the table before snatching another object. The Doctor stood and walked closer to me, holding out a– Dieu merci, cigarettes! Instantly I snatched it from him, breaking the package apart and shoving a bud right in my mouth.

“Lighter– Lighter, now!” I demanded before realizing the Doctor was already snapping a small pocket lighter in his hands. Hastily, I suck in, taking in the nicotine and puffing mists of dark clouds. Another deep suck as I breathily say, “I-I apologize, my mind is– was not properly thinking.” The doctor waved his hand back with little care.

“Oh no vorries, a reaction such as zhat vas expected. Zhankfully you did not go crazed-struck and start tearing at your flesh,” he showed me that same old cheerily smile as he snapped the lighter away, sitting it on his desk again.

After fully sucking on my first bud and going for my second the Doctor then held out another object– a small mirror. And I too snatched it, examining myself more closely. My face now had a horse length jaw, a more grizzled chin, and shorter– perhaps even longer– hair with sideburns running down to my cheeks. Even if I expected this to happen, such a cruel ugly look did not suit a gentleman such as me.

“Oh, Mon Dieu–– Ow, mon Dieu!” In my moping, my hand rushed up to rub my cheek, only for it to hit against my new firm jaw, hurting myself most harshly. A palm cupped the bottom, rubbing away the stinging burning pain beating below.

“Ja, ja, your chin grew in size a bit. Do be careful in doing anymore accidental damage to your face for ze moment. One vrong move and your ear may wind up vhere your nose is,” The Doctor tells me, quite uncaring as he went to his desk again, picking up a pen and swiftly writing down on some papers.

Truly, it was such a perfect one to one creation that I could not help but continuously touch and pinch my face to see if there was a mask hidden beneath. But soon, I found myself distracted by my gloveless hands. They were still my own, slightly wrinkly but long and thin.

My gaze escapes the mirror as I asked over, “Pardon, but you only touched my face?”

The Doctor nodded back, tapping his pen off and exclaiming, “Any more change and you may respawn back as an abnormal blob. It would be such a vaste to lose a villing body now.” Of course, my simple well-being was the last thing he worried about. “Sadly, your voice and accent are still in place,” he added on, sounding quite annoyed now. Indeed, while I had the look of another man, my voice was still of a formal gentleman. It is funny to think that the Doctor had not thought on such a troublesome drawback. Thankfully, such an issue does not affect me.

I cleared my throat and lowered my vocal cords.

“That’ll be no trouble, doc,” I mocked in my best Australian voice. It was a little rusty, but deceiving enough. The Doctor glowed, most impressed.

“Oo, now do me!” He eagerly asked, pointing at himself.

Again I adjusted the tone of my cords and cleared my throat.

“Err… Ze procedures vent most vell, ja?” I mocked in a thick German accent. The Doctor’s eagerness soured into unpleasantry as he gagged and scuffed.

He shook his hands out, “Nein, nein, zhat face and voice do not vork togezher at all!” Again he went to the paper, quickly scribbling down some more words. Finished, he set the pen down and takes the bundles of papers in hand. “Oo! Zhis is so exciting! Excuse me, I must send my report to the administration on my success! She vill have no excuses to be so disappointed with me this time!” As he hurried and reached the door, he calls out one last thing over, “Do smoke as much as you can, Herr Lamont, ve vill need to test how you go zhrough respawn later!”

Once again, the Doctor takes his leave as I find myself alone in the room, only now realizing that the filth-ridden birds were still in here as well, chirping and flapping the wings through the thin bars of their cages. If I suddenly grow a taste for bird seeds in the future, I know who to put the blame on.

I look at the mirror again, doing one last check over my new face. I place the mirror and take the lighter from the Doctor’s table and then head back towards the medical bed, sitting atop it. A quiet sigh before I fall back, staring up at the bright lights above and the wisps of smoke trailing upward. I take the bud out from my mouth, taking a moment to examine the brand the Doctor bother to give me. It was the Snipers’. I suppose it made sense considering I am no longer a Spy anymore. Though, if I wore a balaclava still, I doubt anyone would notice the difference. Such a sight is far from my imagination, but it would be an amusing one for sure.

A cling of a cage swings about before silence returns again. My second bud had vanished and I mindlessly continued on my third as I snapped the small handle of the lighter.

I hate to think that my body will still be riddled with all these scars, but if the Doctor refuses to take any more risks, I should consider myself a truly lucky man. Though, at this point, I do not know if I am either unlucky or not. Fate had given me another chance, one I did not deserve. It was a chance to abandon my old self and begin anew as an entirely different person.

No more will I be the Spy, but the Sniper.

Quietly, I asked myself, “_Never know what the future holds_.” Then I chuckled, “Is that right, Dimitri, Lamont? Do not play dumb; coaxing your own words behind another man is cowardly.” No one replied or more so, I did not reply to myself. Ah, I might be going insane again. Perhaps I have always been such that.

When my hand went to nick another bud, it suddenly stopped. I actually pushed the bud back into the package. Strange, this brand is quite good and I was more than eager to suck this entire pack down. Perhaps I am getting sick of smoking. Hah, oh, if it were only that easy. My indulgence is not going to let me slip away so easily just because I grew tired. Today, I will stop, but tomorrow I will be more than happy to begin the cycle anew.


	22. Gentleman

_A reminder, or more like a nostalgic memory I hid away just popped into my head again._

_“Shit man, I didn’t mean it.”_

_Someone was apologizing to me. Apologizing for… for hitting me. _

_My face was hurting as I laid a hand upon my cheek. Ah, my hand had a glove. Not a full one, but a half-glove. So this happened not so long ago, I believe. Yes, I believe I know when this happened._

_“Come on, just hit me back already.”_

_Yes, yes, it was indeed Scout. But it was not that Scout from before, but another. The Scout I met as Sniper, not as the Spy. Hah, truly it was déjà vu that both men hit me in the same way. A part of me wished I still had the chance to apologize to that other Scout, tell him my words were just a lash on anger and nothing more._

_The reaction this Scout had had been different than the one before him. He was most regretful, not angry. Strange, he had no reason to look so sad for I was avoiding the obvious. And yet he was._

_He looked so rejected._

_Like many Scouts before this man, he showed no signs of sexual comfort. Not until later anyway._

_“I don’t know man! My mind just ends up thinkin’ about the weirdest shit at the weirdest times!”_

_The urges he wished did not creep until that night we sat on that rooftop– or perhaps even sooner, I was paying little attention to such things at the time. He was a most befuddled mess, and keeping him in that state would only be asking for another of my counterparts to help ease him. Those thoughts alone disgusted me and I only did what I thought well._

_I was a fool._

_“Snipes, did it feel good for you as well?”_

_Good. Hah, the boy was utterly clueless. If sex was not a profession I was not use to, it would take many hours for the boy to get me off at all. Perhaps it was one of the reasons why I was so forward doing most of the work when we bedded again. Seeing his smiling face stare back at me, why, it was a face I am not so used to seeing. _

_Scout was so happy._

_Such happiness did not need to involve me._

_And yet…_

_“Well, that loner attitude you tried to do just grabbed my attention even more.”_

_“Hey, like, I dunno, sleep with me?... Ah, damn it, I knew that would sound weird!”_

_“Hey, hey, no more ‘don’t worry about it’ bullshit. That is how we got in this mess to begin with.”_

_ “Damn it, Snipes! Why did you have to go and make me fuckin’ cry again you asshole!? Dickwad! Jerk! Dumbass, dummy, dumb… du… du…!”_

_And yet I wish for it to stay._

_Impossible._

_Utterly impossible._

_…_

_…_

I overslept.

I overslept far longer than I have ever in my entire life.

My body stretches from my bed, blinking a few times with a groan. I bring my watch to my face. Time… time… Oh, it is noon. The battle started quite some time ago, oh dear. Even with this predicament, I end up chuckling as I lay my head on my pillow again. Laziness is truly getting the better of me if I feel so carefree about missing work. Just for today, I will be as motionless as a sloth.

As I lay there, my thoughts begin turning. A memory_– _no, just a dream. I recall a dream, but bits and pieces had faded away from my subconscious. Well, dreams are merely dreams after all, it is best not to worry over them so much.

I then realized something as I sit up again, head turned, looking at the empty spot on the bed. Scout was missing. Judging by the time, he may have headed out to battle with everyone else.

Or, he should have.

“Mornin’!” I turn, finding the boy standing near my closet, adjusting, why, adjusting my hat on his head. “Or is it afternoon already? Thought you be sleepin’ all day, the game started like hours ago.”

The boy was wearing my shirt with the sleeves all rolled out as it reached the ends of his fingertips as well as my slicked pants that reached all the way to his toes. And of course he was still wearing those dumb looking shades again. Too bad the boy lacked much height or roughness to truly disguise as a Sniper.

Curious, I asked, “Why are you wearing my clothes?”

The boy gives me quite the most bratty look and replies, “Because you cut my shirt in half, duh?” I thought for a moment and indeed he was correct. In my haste for contact again, I so rudely cut open his shirt.

I apologized, “Right, I apologize. You will get weird looks wearing that, you know?”

“Whateve’, if they have somethin’ to say, they can say it to my face,” he groaned back as he fiddles my hat about. “Still talkin’ like that?” He suddenly added on. I take a moment to understand what he meant and to my own surprise, I was talking to him in my normal voice. Not as the Sniper, but as the Spy.

I clear my throat, trying to fix my mistake, “Hell, didn’t mean to–”

He laughs, “Just make sure your speakin’ like a normal Australian hick again when we get back into battle.”

I guess he was just worried about my secret. Hell, I was not even pretending to speak like a bloody Bushman on the inside either. Ahem, well, there was no reason for me to anyhow. Swearing over the tiniest of things can get a bit old at times.

His voice goes soft as he sputters out, “Hey, uh, it was… OK, or, whateve.’. I liked it, ya know... ya know!” I blink once, before realizing what he was implying.

“No, I do not. What did you like again, Scout?” I questioned with a smirk, my eyes looking straight through his. The boy’s lips twitch as he fiddles with my hat about, hiding his face away.”

“Ya know… The butt stuff.” As silly as it sounded, Scout told me in the most serious way he could. And as silly as it was for me to express my laughter, I did. I was laughing, quite loudly as well.

The boy’s face appeared again as I witnessed the bright pink smeared across his cheeks. He then smacked a hand against his cheeks. He does it again, making it look like he was beating himself up now. Finally he stops, pointing over and shouting, “But next time I’m fuckin’ ya again, capeesh! I need revenge from you for makin’ me say all that weird shit.”

“Snipes~” I whistle all cutely between my snorting.

“Shud it!”

My laughter suddenly goes into coughing as I place a palm over my mouth. Scout’s anger flashed into worry as he hurried over, rubbing my back as a form of comfort. “You still getting’ those coughin’ fits?” He asked, still rubbing. My coughing settles as I swallow loudly.

“Mn… They are not as bad as they used to be,” I reply with a quick clear to my throat.

“Need the Doc or somthin’?”

“Non, I’ll be fine.” Even when I said that, Scout still looked worried. “Truly, I’ll be fine, Scout.” His hand finally let off, returning to his sides again. The worry soon vanished and once more he was smiling all happily again. Then, in a sudden surprise, he gave a peck on my lips. The movements were in a quick flash and before I realized it happened, it was done.

“I really missed you, Snipes,” Scout told me, sounding quite sincere.

I give a smile back, “I did as well, Scout,” and _lied_.

Perhaps that was harsh of me to think. But to be truthful to myself, my thoughts of him had left soon after. They were mere distractions that would interfere with my work, and I needed none of that less I would not be in my position as I was now. The two of us meeting again was a mere struck of dastardly fate and nothing more.

Scout’s bright smile grew wider as he straightens his clothes together.

“Aw man, there’s still so much I gotta tell you! But everyone’s probably all pissed at us for slacking about all game. You might wanna get outta yer birthday suit, old man.” He rambled aloud, still fiddling and twisting the clothes about.

“That would require my clothes– which you are wearing,” I pointed at the belt that was falling down his hips.

“Gonna have to wrestle me for them,” he attempted a tease.

“Perhaps I will stay in bed instead,” I faked a yawn and slumped back into the covers, only to move out from them again as I felt a damped spot hit my feet. Yes, I almost forgot about the _mess_. Scout just laughed and slowly did I join in with him. The laughter for me died down first as my smile turns into a frown.

Truly, I enjoyed such happiness, but it felt wrong to be cared in such a way. Those blasted dreams are coming back to me again, telling me to speak up for once instead of staying silent. There is no reason for Scout to know_–_ the past is the past now and I am not that person anymore.

…Perhaps that is another lie.

I cannot control how Scout feels, but I can control my own just fine.

I do not love Scout, because the concept of love is non-existing to me.

Really, a part of me hoped Scout would forget about me, or thought what we did was just a sexual spur of the moment. But he fell for me like many others. Again, I was playing the same role, just with a different face. Hah, nothing really has changed.

“Scout, a moment of your time?” Scout looked at me, quite curious.

“Oh, did you wanna talk about somthin’? We kinda have a game to get goin’ to,” he said, head flicking at the door.

“It will only be for a moment. Besides, I am the leader and I can allow a few things to slide.”

The boy shrugs as he comes back over, sitting himself next to me on the bed.

“OK, hit me.”

There, I retold as much as I could remember. Most of what I said was shrouded in lies– taking out the unneeded and abridging it down. He needed not know what Sniper and I did– such things would be most awkward to mention. And nor did I risk his own well-being by telling him the secrets that the Spies’ held. But most importantly, I did not tell Scout about my true feelings through it all. It was simple and to the point with little filler in-between.

After a few minutes pass, I finished. Scout seemed lost, taking in the information and processing it the best he could. A big puff of air threw from his mouth as his eyes casted away, not sure where to look now. He returned to me again, finally speaking, “Damn, ehm, so that’s how you got that face? You kinda_– _not really_–_ made some Sniper dude lose his memory and shit? Causing, err, all those series of events to happen?”

I nod, “Yes. I played with the man for my own amusement and he ended up getting harmed by his own teammate.” A somewhat lie, a somewhat truth. Again, I cannot tell Scout what the Spies’ true purpose were.

He turned his head away, thinking to himself and staying quiet. A part of me wondered if Scout could tell if I was lying, or if he was disgusted at me for doing such horrible things.

Scout looked at me again, opening his mouth a few times before finally speaking out, “Are you… Are you alright, Spy?”

“I am not–!” I suddenly yelled, stopping myself before continuing on more softly, “I am not that person anymore.” My head dropped down, staring at the carpet below. Fool, was that really the best answer he could give me.

I am––!

I am…

There was something I needed, something a heartless man such as me did not deserve.

I needed comfort.

All I wanted was for someone to hold me tightly and tell me everything was alright, that everything was fine. That I… That I was fine… How pathetic. I deserved nothing.

I did not even notice, but Scout was in front of me now, wrapping his arms tightly against my back. Unmoving, I let him hold me as we stayed like that for however long. I did not wish to count down the seconds, because I did not wish for the hug to end anytime soon. Sadly, it did as Scout lets off, kneeling down in front of me and looking up at my face that I still hid away from him. He gave me the goofiest smile over as it made my lips curl back and my nose twitch.

With a tremble huff of air, I sucked in whatever emotions I wished to disperse out. Not in front of the boy, he had no need to see me in such a way.

Another sigh as I finally pick up my head and tell him, “Thank you.”

“Hey, I know I ain’t the best shoulder to cry on, but I’m here for you.” Even a Scout can have a sweet side to him, if rarely, but not entirely impossible. He was a kind man, and he did not deserve to fall for someone like me.

I told myself to hold back, but my face was resisting. My eyes sunk in, I breathed in heavily through my nose and my lips curled in the middle. I reached out to Scout, hugging him tightly, digging my head into his soft shoulder. I held quiet as I wept, not wishing to mourn out wails of tears like the last time I cried. And has it been some time since I released such throbbing pressures.

Scout’s hand rested on my head, petting me throughout. It felt nice.

Finally calming down, I back away, sniffing my nose, trying a hold a smile to tell the boy I was fine. He gave me a smile in return. Such a smile felt so genuine, so pure and… Scout had so much life in him. One day, it will be gone. And I do not want to be the one responsible in taking it away. But such a thing may be too late.

“I do not believe we should continue this relationship,” my voice was firm, making sure the boy did not take my words as a joke.

Scout’s smile swiftly turns into a frown as he just looks at me. He blinks, shaking his head and then demanding, “Huh? What, why?! Spy–! Snipes–! Damn it!” The mixture of my voice and face was confusing him now. He pauses himself and continues, “I... I really love you–“

“I do not feel the same,” I finally told him the truth.

I never saw the boy look so devastated than he was right now.

The eerie quietness takes over the room as neither of us spoke now. Whatever was going through Scout’s head, it had to be nothing good. That is fine, because I will take whatever he wishes to throw at me– quite literally if it comes to physical violence. If there is one thing I do not wish for him to do is, it was to shed anymore tears.

“OK,” Scout suddenly said, my eyes locked on him again. “OK, I understand. Like, to be honest, I was debating about this over with myself or somethin’… Wait, I mean, shit_– _I was hopin’ to ignore the issue until this was all over and we went our separate ways again or somethin’? ‘cause, like, I ain’t dumb, I know shit like this can’t last forever and all.” The boy then takes his shades off, just staring at them all sad. “It was really stupid of me to hold onto these dumb glasses.”

I was dumbfounded. This was truly something I never expected from a Scout, let alone from him. Neither yelling nor fists came into play, and while he did swear, they were only said because he had a terrible potty mouth.

Scout would never believe me if I told him, but he was a gentleman. No, he is more than that. Scout was possibly the most proper gentleman I have ever encountered, and I did not deserve any of his kindness or respect.

I touch the back of his hands, slowly pushing them up, carefully helping him slide the glasses back on his face again.

Quietly, I tell him, “I’m happy you kept them.” Scout smiled a little before frowning again.

“I still really like you, Spy, and I hope ya still really like me as well.” I cannot tell Scout what my feelings were, I cannot bear the burden. So, I did what I knew best.

“I care, Scout. It was the reason why I even told you any of this. I… I do not enjoy lying to you.” It was supposed to be a lie, but everything I said was the truth. I wish not to see him hurt, because I cared for him. I truly cared for Scout.

His smile returns as well as a small chuckle, “You ain’t so good on that lying business if ya ask me.” Our quiet laughter passes as he continues with, “Hey, I know ya don’t feel that way and all, but… I dunno, can we still hang out like we always do? We don’t even need to do any of that sexual shit either. I just want to spend time with you.”

I nod, “Of course, you do not even need to ask.”

“Oh, uh, does that count the sexy shit as well? Because I’m totally OK doin’ more of that or whateve’!” He picked at his fingers, having trouble looking at me asking that.

Another chuckle escapes me as I nod again, “So be it.”

“Pervert,” he snickers, grinning a little.

“Do not ruin the moment, boy.” His face becomes gentler as he makes eye-contact with me once again.

“Thanks, Spy. Really, you’re awesome.” The boy expressed a big toothy smile as I return the same.

As the mood settled down, I expected our talk done and gone. But Scout found a reason to open his mouth again as he then asked over, “Hey, uh, now it’s my turn to take some of your time.” He hurried away from the bed, taking something off my desk. When he came back, he held out, why, he held a familiar case at me. How embarrassing, I have completely forgotten what this equipment is called.

“Pardon, I cannot recall what this is,” I admit, shaking my head in defeat.

He blinked once, eyeing at the object before explaining, “You can’t? It’s one of those disguise kit thingies.” I take a closer look and indeed, it was a standard disguise kit.

Wait, where did Scout obtain such an object– foolish boy, do not tell me…

Calmly, I asked, “Scout, did you steal that from my fellow assassin?”

“No!” The immediacy felt scripted, like the boy was impatiently waiting to blurt it out. “…Yes,” Sadly, his attempts in lying were gone before they even began, and I had yet to react or reply to them. “Don’t worry, it was one of his spares– I think– so he should be doin’ fine out there. Whateve’, we’re getting’ off-topic! What I wanted to ask was if you could disguise into your old self? Ya know, just so I can see who you were before and all?”

Maybe the boy is becoming too much like a _gentleman_ now if he is stealing from his own team. Well, he would not be the first. Truly, I would hate to say no to the boy if he indeed went out of his way to steal this for personal curiosity.

“Very well. But you will have to explain to my fellow _gentleman_ why you purposely borrowed his valuable equipment without permission,” I expressed a smile as I take the kit from his hand.

“I’ll totally take the fall– Come’on show me!” He happily jittered, most excited.

I stand, making him take a step back to give me room. My nakedness only distracted him for a moment as he shook off the thoughts and eagerly went back to looking at my face again. I snap open the kit, a wave of nostalgia pouring through me seeing the screen, the buttons, the paper masks, and of course the cigarettes. If I had not quit so long ago, I would happily take one in an instant.

My eyes close, thinking, memorizing myself the best I could as I placed the blank piece of paper over my face. Smoke fumed around my body as an illusion of clothing appeared on me. Long black strip slacks, a well tailor stripped suit, gloved hands. But one article of clothing did not appear on me.

The signature balaclava.

Once with a face of a tired middle-age Australian man, now transformed into an old and suave Frenchman again. Of course, it was merely a disguise and nothing more.

Scout takes the glasses off, taking a good long look at my past appearance.

“So, somethin’ like that, huh? Pretty fancy like. And old, er, no offense.” The boy grew red in the face, seeming quite flustered witnessing me.

“Are you satisfied?” I asked, still speaking in my normal voice.

Scout smiled, “Yeah, yeah… Thanks.”

Before I could take the mask off, Scout hurried close to me again, his hands hugging my waist. And like another flash he did a small hop and bonked his lips against the thin paper of the mask– presumably where my disguised lips were.

He snickered, “Just wanted to kiss the real you.”

“Scout, you kissed the mask.” He pursed his lips like a spoiled brat.

“Doesn’t count, I kissed the real you!”

I shake my head and do a quick clear to my throat.

“Yah silly little wanker, yah have always kissed the real me!” I faked in the Australian accent again, snatching away my hat off his head and then shaking a hand through his hair. Scout just chuckled, playfully smacking my hand away and snuggling deeper into my chest.

“Geesh! Gettin’ me all confused here again Spy– Snipes– Aw damn it,” he grumbled, cheeks puffed up all annoyed.

“Dimitri,” I blurted suddenly. Scout looked up, surprised.

How careless, I could have easily told any numbers of names and I just went ahead and said my own. I suppose it truly does not matter anymore, for such a name has been dead for years now.

“…Austin,” Scout quietly replied. My eyes shoot wide, my expression hidden behind the paper for the man to take notice. Still, Scout ended up grinning like an utter fool, resting his cheek quietly on my chest.

**Alert! The bomb is nearing a checkpoint!**

The sudden shrieking voice of the administrator echoes throughout my room and most likely the rest of the base as well. The loud static then bleeps off and silence returns again. Scout and I looked at the other, blinking simultaneously.

“Oh dear, we may be losing,” I spoke, slight worry in my voice.

Scout instantly threw himself off, trying desperately to fix the clothes just hanging and falling from his body. “Crap, no way I’m gonna let that happen! I still need my revenge!” He grunted and snarled before just giving up and running towards the door.

“Scout, my clothes––!”

But my words came out too slow as Scout rushed out the room, leaving my pants, the only thing that was able to slip off him before running out.

“Imbecile,” I happily sighed to myself, placing my hat on my head. I then walked over towards the door, picking up the article of clothing and placing it around my arm. Before I headed to my closet, I first walked over towards my desk and carefully placed the disguise kit down. My fellow assassin will need this back, best not to lose it.

It was only then I realized I still had this silly mask on as I finally snap it off. Eyes went down to look at the picture that materialized on.

It truly has been far too long that I appear like a stranger to myself.

Not the Spy and not even the Sniper.

But me.

Just me.

A strange man named Dimitri, Lamont, working a strange job surrounded by strange people who I both kill and work with in a strange meaningless war. Indeed, I hold many regrets still, but the small moments are the ones that help keep me going, and help keep me alive, for life is far too precious to soil away.

Hands started to crumple the paper before stopping, fixing it up slightly and placing it on the table the same. Another keepsake from the past, and a small reminder of the man I spent my nights with drinking and smoking, a man who broke me out of my cycle and gave me another chance to start anew.

Wherever Flynn was right now, I hope he is doing well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!  
To be continued in Stranger Men [Story 3]


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